Sashybo - Back Again

sashybo

Just over a week ago we had a private pre-assessment with a psychologist to see if she thought we should go for a full assessment for ADHD or autism for DD. We left the appointment with more questions than answers.

Psychologist was frankly a bit hostile towards DH and actually told him she thought he had ADHD as she felt that he was butting in whenever he wanted to say something! She was acting a bit off with us and saying I mean you booked in for ADHD and none of this sounds like she has that, why did you book in for that and not autism. We actually booked in for both because we don't know what's going on and wanted some help!

She kept asking us about what toys DD played with when she was 2 - I had no idea, couldn't remember and she was getting quite shirty about it. Asking when she started imaginative play and then when we were telling her about her playing with her brother & cousins we were told that doesn't count, it needs to be children she's not related to. We told her DD appears to be very sociable and will go up to other children etc but she wanted to know what the play was like? Which we couldn't answer as we don't see her playing with her friends at school.

She said it sounded like DD has some strong autistic traits but we didn't have enough evidence about her social behaviour and play so she couldn't say that she definitely needs an assessment. We left feeling totally deflated and like it was a waste of time and money. 😔

We have an appointment with the GP tomorrow to speak to them about getting both kids on a waiting list for assessment. Although DS has much milder behavious overall he is really anxious and we're worried it will get worse as he gets older. He is quite textbook as he gets very intensely interested in certain topics (usually history), talks at you not to you, is very literal and doesn't always understand humour, loves his routine and hates change etc. He loves being with other kids but seems unsure how to act with them, although he has 2 good friends at school. He's always gotten on better with younger kids and babies.

I spoke to school about DD before the summer holidays and they were very supportive, they said they will set up a meeting once everyone is settled back in and will talk over the behaviour we're seeing with DD at home. They said they understand that we see different things to them and they will back up a referral if that's what we want to do.

We're wondering if it's worthwhile going to another private provider for a pre-assessment to get a second opinion. We don't want to waste more money to be told that DD doesn't have textbook social symptoms so it can't be autism. I was watching her waiting for her swimming lesson yesterday and she was chatting happily to a girl in her class but stimming the whole time (flappy arms/twitching hands). I'm just so tired and we're constantly having to try and manage DD to stop a meltdown but sometimes we don't know what will set one off.

beanielou

Oh dear. Sorry to hear that the holiday didn’t go as a well as it could have.

beanielou

Oh dear again. Sorry your post about the assessment was on the next page. Not an encouraging assessment. Hopefully the school will continue to support you all. Hope the GP is supportive too. Keep plodding 🤗

Sun_Addict

Sorry to hear the holiday was more stressful than relaxing.

My DGS is autistic and was just like your DD before medication. It took around 3 years before he was finally diagnosed. He now goes to a school specialising in neurodiverse children and is much happier.

alipops1986

Sashyboo,

Sorry to hear about the professional's response - that's very unhelpful and unsupportive.

Personally, I would find another professional who will do a 30 min hopefully free initial conversation, and I wouldn't mention the experience from the first professional. Perhaps it maybe helpful to make a list as things happen or as you notice things with your daughter, so you can refer back to those - it's difficult to think in the moment, and piece things together, let alone think back to many years ago! It's good that you have schools support, perhaps they could put a letter together of how your daughter presents at school which you could reference if you arrange a meeting with a different professional?

I completely understand how draining it is when you're looking for support and answers - whilst having to seek out this yourself but keep chipping away and you'll find the right professional.

ArtyJ931

100% support the idea of a second opinion with another professional. Some of these questions are tricky and will need time for you to think and discuss. She doesn’t sound helpful.

Willowtree222

That must have been so hard on holiday.

I am another who thinks another opinion would be good. Do you have anyone who specifically specialises in autism in girls are it is so different presentation wise than boys.

jwil

That's a really poor response. I couldn't answer any of the social questions in any great depth as we don't tend to socialise with other children, and it was only school telling me that she was struggling that I became aware of it. They weren't bothered. The NHS assessment got info from the school as well as me and put it all together. I don't know if private ones do the same.

I personally wouldn't bother with a pre assessment. If you think she might be autistic/adhd, then just get her on the assessment waiting list. It's good that the school are supportive, and they might put some stuff in place whilst waiting for the referral.

sashybo

Thanks all, the GP appointment the other day was as pointless as I’d feared. GP immediately said the school needs to refer both kids, they can’t do anything.

He did take notes for both of them and said it does sound like autism but he’s not a specialist. The info will be added to their medical files.

So I’ll need to ask the school if DS ever was referred as they were the ones who brought up the possibility of autism for him when he was 6. I have a feeling that it didn’t go ahead. 🤔 We never heard anything else about it and didn’t chase it because DD was being a nightmare and not sleeping at that point in time. I was probably also hoping it would just go away.😔

The reason we’re thinking of going private is because the waiting list was 5 years, 3 years ago so I think it’s definitely going to be longer now. DD is getting worse and we don’t want her starting to act out at school. DS is coping but I think he’ll need extra support when it comes to moving up to high school.

I’m sure school will try to be supportive with DD but it usually takes a while to get any meetings set up with them.

beanielou

Just to add that my DS was saying that sometimes it can be difficult to move from private to NHS. Just to bear in mind 🤗