How do I tell my daughter she is overweight?

BrassicWoman

if the daughter were here asking for weight advice all this content about how to lose weight/ healthy vs not would be pertinent.

As it is,
a) fat people know they are fat, just like smokers know it is unhealthy, and drinkers know drink is not good
b) mum seems to be coming from a position other than unconditional love. How will restating known things help?

We're just rehashing the overly simplistic viewpoints on a complex subject, once again.

FatVonD

OP, if you know the dress she wants why not just order it online in a size 16, tell her they must have sent the wrong one but get her to try it on 'for size'. When it looks fabulous she won't let you send it back.

Mupette

FatVonD wrote: »

OP, if you know the dress she wants why not just order it online in a size 16, tell her they must have sent the wrong one but get her to try it on 'for size'. When it looks fabulous she won't let you send it back.

or remove the label

Person_one

FatVonD wrote: »

OP, if you know the dress she wants why not just order it online in a size 16, tell her they must have sent the wrong one but get her to try it on 'for size'. When it looks fabulous she won't let you send it back.

The daughter is clearly 'on to' the OP and knows that she doesn't approve of her weight and clothing choices. She'll see through this in about 2 seconds surely?

System

I was a size 16 in year 8, clearly overweight. It was never broched as such but comments about my weight were made (i think they thought trying to maake it a lighthearted matter would help), gowerver what they didn;t know is that i was being bullied in school about my weight. It got ot the point where having comments made at home as well as school tipped me over the edge and i started skipping meals, forst at school, then at home. Nobody said anything because to them i was lsoing weight and that was a positve. It was only when i got down to a size 8, and my bones started showing that my mum told me she was worried i'd lost too much weight. Since then i've gone back to being fat (something i'm working on)

I think she is aware she;s overweight but i don;t think she has acccepyed it. When i first started putting on weight at uni i was still trying to to fit into smaller sizes. My mum ended up taking me shopping (as a student i just thought she was treating me), and she helped me find some nice clothes in a more truer size, and made sure i got a nice bra too. Once i accepted id gone up a few sizes i started dressing more my figure. Now obviously i want to lose weight but i think as a fist step trying to do something similar with your daughter might help intially. If she wants to lose weight, she might have a better chance if she feels more confident first.

I hnestly do loathe pretty much all exercise, except Zumba and swimming (which i;ve lapsed with but will get back into next year!), when i went to my first zumba class i was terrified, i can;t dance and i felt like i was making a huge mistake in trying it BUT actually i found it to be fun and wanted to keep doing it, i managed to lose a stone or so doing it. She may hate exercise but maybe she just hasn;t found an exercise she likes? Maybe get you both a day pass for the local leisure center and try out some classes?

FBaby

I loathe my mother for being unable to see past my weight when younger, and just love me for who I am/was. Parental love should be a near unconditional as you can make it. It's affected our relationship ever since.

Was it a case that she didn't love you though? Of course parental love should be unconditional, but to me, loving your children is being honest with them and wanting the best for them. You can say 'you need to watch your weight' and 'I love you dearly' in the same breath.

FBaby

There's a lot of faux concern expressed about weight, but a woman wearing a size 16 is not likely to be causing herself serious health problems. There is more to health than weight, and its perfectly possible to be fit and healthy and a size 16. We aren't meant to be 'fat free', especially not women, and its actually much healthier to be a little bit overweight than a little bit underweight.

Of course at 18, being overweight is not a massive issue, however, if you are overweight due to bad habits since you were a child, the high likelihood is that they will remain overweight or become obese and it is the accumulation over the years that means they will suffer later in life.

A size 16, except for few strong built tall women is overweight. It's not because the average size is now 14 that being size 16 is just a bit of extra weight. Considering that 58% of British women are medically overweight or obese, it's easy to assume that average is fine. It isn't.

lurkylurky

My 18 year old boy has always had a healthy appetite but started putting weight on at senior school. I tried to broach the subject tactfully on a few occasions and he went off in a strop, so I obviously wasn't as tactful as I'd hoped. I think you lose control over what the eat once they start senior school. Over the last few years if it doesn't "ping" then he's not interested. He turns his nose up at the "healthy" dinners that we cook. By the time of his school prom he was getting quite a paunch. He went shopping for a suit and came back with what I thought was a ridiculously small suit. We argued and compromised on going back to Burton's and asking for the assistant's opinion. The result was we changed the trousers for a bigger size but kept the skin tight jacket. When I looked around all the other youngsters were buying them skintight. My niece also wears clothes that I consider far too small so I think it is a fashion thing.

My boy plays for GB in a minority sport so does exercise. He now has a very slim girlfriend and has lost a fair bit of weight, though he mentioned tonight that he's put some on over Christmas. I don't want him to get obsessed with his weight so after worrying for years that he wouldn't even try to lose weight, I'm now worrying that he'll get obsessed. I think it's just a mother's job to worry.

I think if you've broached the subject a few times unsuccessfully I'd leave it for a while. But the bra shopping idea is a good one. She must be uncomfortable in such tight bra. I bought one of the "one bras" a few years ago and have never looked back. Quite a few shops now do them with lace so they look more like a camisole top than a bra. Would she be open for something like this?

I wish you well - I know how worrying it is?

Money_maker

FBaby wrote: »

Of course parental love should be unconditional, but to me, loving your children is being honest with them and wanting the best for them.

Looking out for their health as they grow up and guiding them when they go astray. Teaching them about huge sugar levels found in fizzy drinks, encouraging them to enjoy foods which are healthy for you and not keeping sugary foods in the home. Encouraging sports or physical activity. Go for runs together, join the gym/leisure centre together, go on long walks, don't use the car for journeys of less than 2 miles.

Lunar_Eclipse

Person_one wrote: »

There is more to health than weight, and its perfectly possible to be fit and healthy and a size 16.QUOTE]

Totally agree, but at 5'9" I was very obese at a size 16. I think it would be hard to be fit and healthy at that size (because of weight - risk of heart disease, high BP and diabetes would be quite high.)

I've lost weight this year, and only became a "healthy weight" at a size 10, which I did find quite shocking having never worn a size 10 before (or 12 or 14 for that matter - clothes sizing has changed a lot!) I can't help but wonder what size all the thin people I see wear - a 4?

Agree with others saying you can't tell the daughter, she knows already, though I would encourage her to wear the size of clothes that fit.