How do I tell my daughter she is overweight?

FBaby

However, I later found he was finishing off his friend's lunchboxes. So I don't think its always down to what is in the home.

My boy also started to put on weight when he started secondary school. Firstly because there was such a long queue for lunch meaning they had no free time afterwards, he and is friends started to go for snacks instead and of course, all these were unhealthy. He would then come home, starving and raid the cupboard and as he was then home alone, felt free to eat as much as he wanted. I did stop buying biscuits and cakes but he would then just go for three bowls of cereals and also used his birthday cash to stop at the local shop, so I knew I need to talk to him instead.

I did so in the kindest possible way, but inevitably, it did upset him a bit. However, it allowed him to consider the situation and acknowledge that what he was doing wasn't right and that he did risk becoming fat, something that he didn't want. He accepted that he had to restrict what he was eating and monitor his weight. Not fun at first, but he got into it. I too have to monitor what I eat, so we then started to have normal discussions around it, how after holidays, we needed to be back to being good etc...

Not only he lost the weight over a year, but it was all down to his own efforts and changes he implemented himself. He is now older and has gained a good understanding of weight management so can deal with it himself. Sometimes I can see that his waist gets a bit larger, but a couple of months later, he is back to being slim. This education will hopefully stay with him forever because unfortunately for him, and unlike his sister who can eat anything without putting on any weight, he has taken after me and will most likely always have to be careful.

tesuhoha

If you can afford it you could buy both of you gym membership. Say to her 'I really need to hit the gym and I'd love you to come with me as its not a lot of fun on your own.' If she says no you could say you think it would benefit her and it would help her to look her best in that dress. Or take up swimming/jogging and ask her to come with you. Make it a 'girls trying to get fit together' thing.

The other thing you could do is start cooking family meals out of this book. There are some lovely things in there and it doesn't feel like a diet. I particularly recommend the Spanish chicken and the burgers.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hairy-Dieters-Love-Food-Weight/dp/0297870432/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1483190688&sr=8-2&keywords=hairy+bikers+diet+book

Proxima_Centauri

ani*fan wrote: »

Your daughter already knows what she looks like.

Yes and no..

What we think we see when we look in the mirror is often quite different to the reality, this is especially the case with teens. I used to go out wearing some real howlers, but I'm sure I thought I looked great at the time :rotfl:

As for the OP's daughter I think the message might get through better if it were to come from her friends rather than her mother.

I would, however, be tempted to sneak in to her room and at least replace the leggings for ones in her size! Leggings really are not the most flattering item of clothing at the best of times, let alone when stretched over an overweight person when they're 3 sizes too small!

KxMx

I always wore a proper size bra (didn't realise there was a stigma being a 38) but at the age of 29 now can well remember squeezing into things. Not because they looked good but because I could (also a size 16). I grew out of it and embraced bigger sizes or garments with more stretch.

If she at 18 is working and studying then why exactly shouldn't she make the choice to relax in the house in PJs... I think you need to pick your battles and that isn't one of them.

How about you both get measured for bras and do the personal shopper thing? That way the focus is not on her.

gettingtheresometime

I really wonder when people will realise that us 'big' people know we're overweight but like people with money issues you have to have a light bulb moment to do anything about it - and that lbm is personal.

I hate any firm of exercise but have recently started swimming In the morning and it really sets me up for the day. However unless i wanted to do it no nagging would have persuaded me that it was in my interests to do so.

svain

It astounds me in today's world why parents are afraid to confront their children for fear of upsetting them!! .... This is what probably got her to this situation in the first place.

The words "slob", "embarrassing", "fat" are not easy to hear for anyone but if true need to be heard by her.

This girl is an adult and should be treated as so .... if only for her future health issues, future job prospects and general well being. It might be a difficult process for you both but if a little "tough love" prompts her to change then she will thank you for it.

The key though is stay supportive when you work out the plan forward

Proxima_Centauri

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

I really wonder when people will realise that us 'big' people know we're overweight but like people with money issues you have to have a light bulb moment to do anything about it - and that lbm is personal.

Many larger ladies look perfectly ok, because they know what clothes suit them


I think the issue is not so much that the girl is overweight, but that she crams herself into the most hideously unsuitable outfits, trying to kid herself that she's a slinky size 10.

Mojisola

Proxima_Centauri wrote: »

What we think we see when we look in the mirror is often quite different to the reality

This happens with anorexics who often 'see' themselves as much fatter than they are and with overweight people who 'see' a slimmer version of themselves in the mirror.

If other people are telling you that you need to lose weight but you look okay when you stand in front of a mirror, it's hard to take their advice.

It's often an unflattering photo or catching sight of yourself unexpectedly (like in a shop window) that makes people realise that they are bigger than they think.

POPPYOSCAR

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Being a size 16 is overweight, but it's not grossly OTT that I'd be calling her embrassing. She's had a weight issue since the age of 9 according to you, surely this should have been looked at earlier when you could somewhat control what she is eating. She's a grown woman now and she'll do what she has always done. Telling her she is over weight & to cover her body up is just going to bring her confidence down - she sounds like she is quite confident in the skin she is in wearing clothes that as you say are revealing, leave her be, and be happy that she is happy.

This is what I do not understand.

Why are you so concerned about it now when you have least control?

gettingtheresometime

Proxima_Centauri wrote: »

Many larger ladies look perfectly ok, because they know what clothes suit them


I think the issue is not so much that the girl is overweight, but that she crams herself into the most hideously unsuitable outfits, trying to kid herself that she's a slinky size 10.

Hi know I couldn't physically fit into clothes that are 2 sizes too small.