From debt to freedom...

Humdinger1

@Honeysucklelou2 you can do this! As you say, there is a silver lining here...and we all believe in you.  Onward and upward to 2022 and getting rid of debt and still more toxic influences.  Love Humdinger xx 

janb5

Hi did X dump the unwanted stuff outside your door...doesn`t that constitute fly tipping?!
I'd add that to the report to solicitor.

Well done on all your sterling work re debt reducing   i would suggest building up the EF fund at the moment and then once the divorce is truly finalised you will have a buffer for unforeseen bills? 

Buffythedebtslayer

It is tempting once a debt is 800 and something to pay it off, as in make it a focus. I don't know why but I always find it so satisfying paying off the smaller debts. The big ones take too long! 

I love the idea of a new start for the house and making it your own. 

It is all on its way to being sorted out. 

XXX 

crazy_cat_lady

Sorry I'm so late to this HSL but please can I echo what others have said about contacting the police re your ex. They do take harassment and psychological manipulation very seriously now, and even if you don't want anything done right at this second then at least make sure they have it on record. He's not allowed into your house and he's not allowed to intimidate you like that. I had the police out more than once with my ex and he's not a patch on yours.
So pleased that you've had a really good Christmas - it really is all about the people rather than stuff. And your DD1 just goes to show what a fantastic job you've done as a mum - and I'm so pleased that you have a sofa from her. It brought a tear to my eye.
Lots of love to you and yours. And make sure you keep your solicitor informed as well - the judge will not look kindly on this.

Spendless

Just typed out and lost a reply!!!!

Anyway, loving that DD1 bought a family gift of a sofa, what a wonderful idea.

Yes, box all exes remaining stuff up along with any of the kids who now live with him too. Realise this might be hard, but it's to protect yourself against potential other raids disguised as 'collecting personal belongings'. What's been left in the garden? Think you said some months ago that items left were making parts of the garden unusable.

Debts are definitely on a decline. What's your thoughts about which to tackle next, get one of the £800ish ones gone altogether or a bit off of each? Which attracts the highest interest? I think this time next year you are going to be in a lot stronger position than you are today and if still not quite there then well on your way to freedom. 

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Parkyp, Jill12, Humdinger, Janb5, Buffy, CCL & Spendless.

Janb5 - good idea. The EF has been depleted this year to meet legal bills so I do need to ensure that is built up again.

Spendless - good question, I think I like the idea of paying the minimums off 2 of the debts and flattening one of the £800 debts, then move to the next.

CCL - my friend’s son is a policeman so may see if I can chat through with him what has happened.


Yesterday I did a couple of sensible things and a couple of stupid things. I went up into  the attic - it’s a lot emptier after the last raid but still quite a few bits up there, which as Spendless rightly points out, I don’t want to give any opportunity for any further raids inside the house. I took a boot load of items round and deposited them outside the door and DS2 took them in, so I didn’t set foot inside his house. The ex wasn’t best pleased about the return of his things and said he’d be down later for the bed I sleep on. I thought I had done a helpful thing in dropping things to his house but clearly not *sigh*. So I came straight home, made sure the door was locked and have ordered a bolt for the doors, a bolt for the side gates and a safety chain. I feel more secure in having those fitted. They will come today and I have the solicitor ‘s letter saying I can refuse him entry.

He does still have stuff in the garden that is simply  too heavy for me to lift and manoeuvre, so he will have to move that. Parkyp - the solicitor had written a time  frame for removal into the legal paperwork, so stuff should be cleared soon.

I ordered the paint for the dining room and collected it yesterday evening. It’s a beautiful colour much bolder than the existing colour! I spent the evening sugar soaping the walls and DD1 and I put the first coat on. It looks so different. Think the colour of the ocean on the wall. The children all loved it too as they watched the colour progress. I felt a mix of joy and relaxation as I looked at it 🙂.

The stupid thing I did was to respond to a D0min**s email and bought takeaway pizza for tea. That was £20 I need not have spent. I did coordinate it will collecting the paint I’d ordered but it was still £20 I need not have spent. That said, the children did really enjoy an impromptu pizza and film night before we started the painting.

Buffythedebtslayer

Pizza is NEVER stupid. Not Ever. 

You are amazing. The colour sounds beautiful. 

XXXX 

Parkyp

He wants to take the bed 😳😤😤
I’m glad you like the colour on the walls, always a bit wary incase it looks so different from in the tin.
Pizza was a special treat and you all enjoyed it, so it was money well spent. 

Keep up the decluttering.

Spendless

He told you he intended taking the bed you sleep on!!!!! Each time I think the ex can't possibly hit a new low - he manages it! Explain to us how it is the exes bed? If it was bought during your marriage then my thoughts are it's  marital asset and if purchased prior to you getting together, it's possibly so old that I'd have thought it would have become irrelevant who bought it. 

I think this just shows it was never about belongings it was about control (something I suspected) because he wanted  items that were 'his' at his property and when you did just that and thwarted another raid he wasn't happy either. Jeez the day he actually identifies he needs help himself he's going to keep some psycho therapist very busy!  Meanwhile yes talk to your friend's policeman son, even if he can only signpost you elsewhere I think that's another good step to take. 

Don't worry about the pizza. At that point, it was NEEDED. I've only realised myself in the last few weeks that you can't constantly be in negativity, you need the balance of something uplifting too and if a Dominos pizza does the trick then so be it. It's not like you post about things like this all the time and they are usually a good deal too for several, it's often been a workplace treat a Manager has done for us because it's good value for the amount you get.  

CRANKY40

It's amazing how he suddenly needs all the things that you and the kids are still using but none of the junk that he has left lying around. 

The pizza.....life is too short never to have treats and never underestimate the value of a meal that you haven't had to stand in the kitchen preparing and cooking. I've been on my own with my son for 12 years since I was widowed and sometimes that "oh no not another meal" feeling just gets too much. Give up feeling guilty, it's counter productive and be proud that you earned the money to treat everyone instead. Hugs.