From debt to freedom...

savingholmes

Hugs HSL. I am glad you had friends who could help you out. 

Buffythedebtslayer

Oh My Goodness what a revolting idiot. He is just awful. I am so glad you left him and aren't suffering with him still. I know this is awful - I mean I don't know but we had a problem with our neighbour (well I did)  and he kept coming in the garden and moving things, was verbally abusive and almost physical twice, it was so frightening especially once he got a dog. I organised a 7 foot fence to be put up to keep him out. Am not sure even now it keeps him out. But I feel a lot safer. It will be worth it in the end, no legal connection to the horrible man. Security is key. pun not intended! 

XXXX 

Moneywhizz

How distressing for you and such abusive, nasty behaviour from your ex. I hope that is the last of it and the legal process moves quickly to a conclusion. In the meantime is there any way that your friends on here can help? I know if you were a real life friend that many of us would try to support you. If you belonged to my church there is no doubt that we would be reaching out to help. I understand that it is probably against MSE rules but I believe there have been other instances when practical help has been given, I am just not sure how it can happen. Does anyone know if this is possible? I hope you do manage to have a peaceful Christmas in spite of it all. 

Suffolksue

I agree that you really do need to report this to the police 
I feel he may well be heading towards physical abuse and everything needs to be logged 

warby68

Honeysucklelou2 said:

Thank you SA...I don’t think I’ll have a problem in the next week or so as he is very Covid averse so knowing that DD1 has Covid will mean he won’t come near.
I have put the key in the lock inside and locked the door and will speak to the older DDs about keeping it locked.

Maybe you will all get Covid, you know one by one a good week apart Shouldn't joke I know but in this case a white lie is more than justifed for a good month's peace.

Spendless

Honeysucklelou2 said:

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

KittyKattyKate - Yes I do have a fridge and bed thank you. The bedroom chest of drawers has gone so I’ve put my clothes in a plastic box until I can get a new set, or rather new to me. I think you are right. I think he thought the Saturday before Christmas I’d be shopping. Ironically half an hour later I’d have gone to Mr T’s 

Suffolksue - Yes I did change the locks, but DD 3 had already gone out earlier that morning. Our locks are the type you lock when you are the last to go out rather than a Yale type lock that shuts behind you. Unfortunately I hadn’t noticed them walking round to the door as I was engrossed in making the menu plan and list.

Humdinger- Thank you so much for sharing your story...that has given me hope.  I am thankful that DS2 could discern the difference between good behaviour and unreasonable and would have no part in what he saw. I think in her own way DD2 was also shocked, demonstrated by her checking up on me on Saturday night and driving me to the beach.

I have told my solicitor and  am reassured that I can refuse entry in future. It is disheartening to go through experiencing such behaviour when I have done my utmost to be courteous and put forward suggestions on how we could agree a way forward. I think the bottom line is that he will never stop being angry that I stepped away from a marriage filled with poor behaviour.

I'd missed this. Yes I think this was very much done to cause you maximum distress. When the first thing you do in a morning is to dress, it causes massive triggering  that you no longer have your usual container for your own clothes. I'm struggling to believe ex suddenly realised he had nowhere to store clothes a week before Christmas. He did it to hurt you and I think you are correct in your reasons why. It's nearly 5 years since you started this thread and I can't believe you're still not legally rid of him. Will the passage of time make this easier? What about when DD3 goes off to Uni? I realise both her and eldest DD will need to keep your home as a base for hols and if they return after Uni, but for the others are they at an education stage where they can be moved away? I realise littlest DS is only young, but for the others I'm wondering how feasible it would be to move somewhere where you could keep your jobs still but put some distance inbetween you and ex.

Can you ask for some practical support from your church, if the community knows of anyone getting rid of some furniture that they would be prepared to gift you? 

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Cherryfudge, Janb5, DAL, SH, Buffy, Moneywhizz, Suffolksue and Warby68.

You are right everyone -  security is a priority. A friend at church has offered to help me to install an outside camera ( the one at the moment is inside as it was the quickest option we could do). Saturday’s fiasco proves that one is needed in the front garden before the back door is even reached. May be I should also put a bolt on the side gate...that is an easy fix...sorry thinking aloud as I type here.

I had thought I was working a few shifts and finishing on Christmas Eve but found out yesterday that my boss has come  down with Covid 🙁😔.  That is quite perturbing as it’s highly likely he caught it at work as that’s where he is all the time. I haven’t been at work since Saturday, but DD2 has been there all day Sun, Mon and Tuesday so looks like she’ll need to be testing. We are off for a PCR today after Track and Trace emailed me yesterday to get one.

Last night was more of an end of term feeling as DD3 and I realised we had no more work and had finished for Christmas. DD3 got a Christmas film up on the computer  for  the younger  DDs which was lovely and cosy.

Honeysucklelou2

Sorry Spendless, we must have cross posted. That is something that has crossed my mind on a few occasions. Next year I have to concentrate on clearing the remainder of the debt so as to maximise my chances of getting a mortgage on my own. That will give me more options in the longer term.

As an aside, DD3 is fuming that the chairs that were taken have gone into the attic at his house, not even being used.

joedenise

Honeysucklelou2 said:

Sorry Spendless, we must have cross posted. That is something that has crossed my mind on a few occasions. Next year I have to concentrate on clearing the remainder of the debt so as to maximise my chances of getting a mortgage on my own. That will give me more options in the longer term.

As an aside, DD3 is fuming that the chairs that were taken have gone into the attic at his house, not even being used.

That just proves that he has done this to cause you as much inconvenience and upset as possible just before Christmas!  Words cannot describe what I think about your ex!  You really should report his entry into your house to the police - that is breaking and entering as he is not invited in!  If he could just walk in it seems as though he has a key to your new lock!  How is that even possible?

warby68

DD3 is not the only one