From debt to freedom...

warby68

How your ex looks himself in the mirror I do not know.

I'm not surprised you feel in shock. Its abusive but also very transparent. You're pushing the divorce, he's making life horrible for you and timed it just so.

You are a very strong woman though and will get through this - I have no doubt. Anyone who can raise 8 (?) children and work 3 jobs has the inner resources of at least 2 or 3 people and one spiteful ex won't change that in the long run. Its a shame you can't do the same and raid his wallet for all the unpaid child support. 

Take as much time as you need to lick your wounds but then put your chin up again and carry on as you usually do, with a lot of grace under fire. Hope DD1 isn't too unwell and manages to keep it to herself. 

It doesn't matter about the house. Shuffle everything into one room if you can and shut the door for now. 

I hope 2022 brings this to an end and you can begin to rebuild.

Cherryfudge

Oh that's so horrible. Sending huge hugs. By the way, get photos of how it was left... evidence?

I'm delighted DD1 is home but sorry to hear of the Covid. Does she have symptoms? I hope she has a mild case and at least she is home where you can keep an eye on her.

Kittykattykate

Sending you a big hug and lots of positive thoughts, Lou. Just when I think your ex can’t do any worse he surpasses himself. Now the tampering with the lock really makes sense as he probably wanted to clear you out while your back was turned. What a sorry excuse for a man! Did you at least split everything 50/50? Please tell me you still have a fridge and a bed.

Sun_Addict

What a thoroughly nasty man he is. He must sit there thinking of what to do next to get at you, shame he doesn't have something else to occupy him he obviously has too much time on his hands. So angry on your behalf. Sending hugs, please take care xx

Parkyp

Don’t let him take any more. Surely it belongs to both of you and you should mutually agree how to split it. 

Sorry to hear dd has covid, hopefully not feeling too unwell and doesn’t spread to others in the household. 

Enjoy your time with your children put your ex out your mind - you deserve some peace and happiness. Sending hugs 🤗🤗 

Humdinger1

HSL he really is appalling.  I read far more than I post; would you mind reminding me where you are up to in proceedings? Your lawyer needs to know about this latest outrage.  Glad your church friends could help.  Can I just say as another divorced  mother, he will not be able to cause trouble between you and the children living with him for long.   I had a year of hell with negative dad and stepmum putting my daughter under pressure to alternate weeks living with them and us.  My daughter suddenly put her foot down and said no.  Stood right up to them and admitted how horrific it was with them; refused to go on holiday with them.  They now treat her as a person not a pawn.  Her father (who walked out on me saying I'd ruined his life) now tells me what a mistake he's made...I would never return.  Exh is never going to replace you.  That's not your problem though...and I say that as a fellow church goer.   As I think we've agreed before, you haven't signed up to be a doormat.  You are a wonderful woman and an inspiration to so many. Love Humdinger xx 

Suffolksue

How did he get in ,thought you’d changed the locks ?
could you have rung the police ?
please stop letting him walk over you ,that sounds harsher than it’s meant .
what does your solicitor say ? 

Hugs 

enthusiasticsaver

I am so sorry you are having such an awful time with your ex and his disgusting behaviour. No doubt the removal of furniture was retaliation for locks being changed and him being unable to come and go as he pleases.  As for Christmas.  Forget the cards, decorations.  Get some presents for the younger children.  Explain the money situation to the older ones and get some food in.  Everything else doesn't matter. 

janb5

I know you have a lot  friends on here and although we are` virtual`  we are truly united in our support and love for you.  I know if we all ended up in a room together we would get on!

I am appalled beyond belief at recent events and agree with others that this should be reported to your solicitor and to the courts.  Surely this is coercive control.  Just nasty.

Sending a massive hug to you.  Stay strong Lou- this will pass. xxx

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

KittyKattyKate - Yes I do have a fridge and bed thank you. The bedroom chest of drawers has gone so I’ve put my clothes in a plastic box until I can get a new set, or rather new to me. I think you are right. I think he thought the Saturday before Christmas I’d be shopping. Ironically half an hour later I’d have gone to Mr T’s 

Suffolksue - Yes I did change the locks, but DD 3 had already gone out earlier that morning. Our locks are the type you lock when you are the last to go out rather than a Yale type lock that shuts behind you. Unfortunately I hadn’t noticed them walking round to the door as I was engrossed in making the menu plan and list.

Humdinger- Thank you so much for sharing your story...that has given me hope.  I am thankful that DS2 could discern the difference between good behaviour and unreasonable and would have no part in what he saw. I think in her own way DD2 was also shocked, demonstrated by her checking up on me on Saturday night and driving me to the beach.

I have told my solicitor and  am reassured that I can refuse entry in future. It is disheartening to go through experiencing such behaviour when I have done my utmost to be courteous and put forward suggestions on how we could agree a way forward. I think the bottom line is that he will never stop being angry that I stepped away from a marriage filled with poor behaviour.