Paying the bill when dating

AubreyMac

With my last boyfriend I paid for the entire first date even though he asked me out - it was a cash only restaurant which I chose and he didn't have cash whereas I did.


As a female (I plan to do online dating next year), I would want to pay at least for what I consumed as being paid for I feel like I owe them something - that's just in my nature though, I know nobody can make me give anything back.


However, a guy will go up in my estimation if he was a bit pushy and insistent that he will pay it all. If he reacted by automatically accepting or pre-empting that I pay half (assuming he asked me out) then in all honesty that might put me off him unless he was a fabulous date otherwise.


If a guy easily accepted I pay half or worse still, insisting on it, then I would get the impression he was stingie and a tight fisted person is not what I want in a partner.


So to recap - I will always offer to pay half and will fight to do so, but how he reacts to it may change how I feel about going out with him again. Sorry to the men who may find this confusing, I don't mean to be.


Better still, don't go to restaurants on first dates. Just meet for a coffee and buy your own at the counter and see how you go from there.

Lily-Rose_3

AubreyMac wrote: »

With my last boyfriend I paid for the entire first date even though he asked me out - it was a cash only restaurant which I chose and he didn't have cash whereas I did.


As a female (I plan to do online dating next year), I would want to pay at least for what I consumed as being paid for I feel like I owe them something - that's just in my nature though, I know nobody can make me give anything back.


However, a guy will go up in my estimation if he was a bit pushy and insistent that he will pay it all. If he reacted by automatically accepting or pre-empting that I pay half (assuming he asked me out) then in all honesty that might put me off him unless he was a fabulous date otherwise.


If a guy easily accepted I pay half or worse still, insisting on it, then I would get the impression he was stingie and a tight fisted person is not what I want in a partner.


So to recap - I will always offer to pay half and will fight to do so, but how he reacts to it may change how I feel about going out with him again. Sorry to the men who may find this confusing, I don't mean to be.


Better still, don't go to restaurants on first dates. Just meet for a coffee and buy your own at the counter and see how you go from there.

Yeah it is confusing and a bit of a double standard, but weirdly I know exactly what you mean and that is how I feel LOL. You would offer to pay, but if he accepted it, then you would feel he was tight fisted .. :rotfl:

Us women! What are we like?! No wonder men can't work us out haha

All this said, on the whole, I think most stuff should be shared equally in the early stages of a relationship.

I think the consensus is though, that if a man asks you on a date, he should pay, but after that, it's only fair to split things.

SailorSam

I suppose i'm old fashioned, but i'd want to pay.
Most women on PoF have on their profiles they want a first date to be something casual, a quick drink or coffee, I have seen some say though, they like to be wined & dined, them perhaps go on to see a film or show. I've never written to one saying that, i've wondered how many do write.

SailorSam

Going off the main line of the thread, but on a similar vane,
Would you get out a handful of vouchers to pay, on a first date ?

lippy1923

SailorSam wrote: »

Going off the main line of the thread, but on a similar vane,
Would you get out a handful of vouchers to pay, on a first date ?

I would be happy to see a man get vouchers out to pay/contribute towards a meal. Definitely a tick in my book. Shows he's smart and doesn't waste money when there is a deal to be had.

jamiehelsinki

Just to add to the answer about big earner/small earner etc.

The search options are quite good you can eliminate big earners, low earners etc. You can figure out what pay bracket someone is in if they have been honest with their answers.

I always search for non smokers below my height, eliminate short hair, avoid profiles with bikini shots, 101 selfie pics etc. I tend to message women who are average/attractive in looks. Avoid women I rate as very attractive.

PeacefulWaters

Jamiehelsinki wrote: »

Just to add to the answer about big earner/small earner etc.

The search options are quite good you can eliminate big earners, low earners etc. You can figure out what pay bracket someone is in if they have been honest with their answers.

I always search for non smokers below my height, eliminate short hair, avoid profiles with bikini shots, 101 selfie pics etc. I tend to message women who are average/attractive in looks. Avoid women I rate as very attractive.

I was always quite keen on the bikini shots.

justme111

Jamiehelsinki wrote: »

Just to add to the answer about big earner/small earner etc.

The search options are quite good you can eliminate big earners, low earners etc. You can figure out what pay bracket someone is in if they have been honest with their answers.

I always search for non smokers below my height, eliminate short hair, avoid profiles with bikini shots, 101 selfie pics etc. I tend to message women who are average/attractive in looks. Avoid women I rate as very attractive.

Off topic - wow what the length of the hair has to do with it ? U had hair short and long throughout my life and I still was me. It was not tightly correlated with my mindset at the time either.
You sound extremely shallow in your requirements- why eliminating super attractive pictures instead of actually paying attention to the profiles ? Women with very attractive pictures likely to have diffetent priorities and tastes in men so you may well fit someone.
Concur with 101 selfies and understand smoking. Too long to write what I think of bikini pictures
All of the above said from the perspective of female long term pof user who had 3 long term relationships from it (in a couple now) and been known to have both superattractive and bikini pictures on at times.

Dird

My conclusion from this thread is Jamiehelsinki should go on a date with AubreyMac

Kim_kim

SailorSam wrote: »

Going off the main line of the thread, but on a similar vane,
Would you get out a handful of vouchers to pay, on a first date ?

Nothing wrong with using a voucher :-)

I'm nearly 50 & when I was young & dating it was common for men to pay for dates, if not all the majority of dates & definatily the early dates.
If I did go out with a man now I wouldn't expect him to foot the whole bill. I think that's all changed anyhow. I think men don't want to pay for everything & women don't want to feel they owe the men anything physical for their share!