Paying the bill when dating

Pixie5740

The first date shouldn't really be to an expensive restaurant and if she is the one suggesting it she should be the one to pick up the tab or at the very least half of it.

I used to go for coffee or similar on a first date, something that can be wrapped up quickly if it's not going well. I always offered to go Dutch but more often than not the man would insist on footing the bill. In fact one man got very irate when I wanted to split the bill. If it's gone well and a second date is on the cards then I would say, "ok you pay this time and I'll get the bill next time."

JReacher1

If you like her and want to see her again offer to pay.

If you're never going to see her again pay half.

lippy1923

If a woman has a shred of self respect she will offer to pay for her own meal. Fair enough if the man declines and pays for everything, but not even offering to chip in means she's cheap and not a keeper lol


I've not done the dating thing really as met my husband when we were still at school, but the first date he took me on, we went for a meal and I offered to pay my half. It just felt right.

bargainbetty

I always offer to split the bill on all dates - I was taught to 'stand my round'.

First dates could be kept simple - coffee or a quick drink, and if one party suggests going on for more, then it can be agreed then. If someone is demanding an expensive place first time out, I'd be wary of gold-diggers (men too, I know one woman who was left with the bill when the chap 'forgot' his card), posers and show-offs.

Honestly, since the day a man told me I needed to 'at least' give him oral sex because he'd bought me dinner and expected something in return (please note, I'd offered to split the bill and he refused saying it was his treat), I've always been a bit more assertive in covering my share. :eek:

Hermia

I think the asker should offer to pay on the first date purely because they may not know the other person's financial situation. Especially as a well-off person may genuinely not realise that their choice might be considered too expensive for a lot of people. I think going for a coffee for a first date is a great idea. After that both people should be contributing.

Kynthia

On the First Dates tv show as far as I've seen it's been older women who've been offended by the man not paying the whole thing. I think younger women are much more inclined to split the bill, but a man insisting on paying will seem chivalrous and generous.

I'm late 30's and would be happy to split or would insist on paying next time. However I was never the type to accept drinks from men in nightclubs when others my age at the time (15-20 years ago) would. Plus if I knew I didn't want to see the guy again I'd strongly insist on paying half as I'd hate for tge guy to pay the whole thing when there's no chance of me repaying him as I'd imagine that gets expensive for men.

If online dating and you've never met before then going out for a whole meal seems risky. I'd insist on coffee, a cake somewhere nice, a walk in the park, etc for a first date. It keeps the costs down and the length of time short when chances are higher that you won't have a second date.

StaffieTerrier

I agreed with those that say a first meet shouldn't be anything more than a coffee or a drink. Don't treat it as a first date but a first meet.

When I was using OLD if I had a date who offered to pay on the first date I'd only accept if I was sure there would be a second date to allow me to pay. If I didn't want to see them again I'd always insist on splitting the bill. After some awkward first date meals I started going for a first drink/coffee. They're much easier to get away from quickly if the person isn't who or what you were expecting.

jamiehelsinki

This isn't just based on last nights disaster, I it's based on conversations I have had with friends etc as well. First dates have tended to be a quick drink/chat and 2nd dates a meal so far. I have generally tended to pick up the tab for these.

I have friends in a similar position who say 4/5 dates in and women are still dodging the bill.

I have noticed that women seem to be a lot higher maintenance now and have a lot higher expectations, it was much easier and straight forward in my early 20's.

Thanks for the replies so far.

Lily-Rose_3

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

I know this sounds bad but I think it depends on a few things.

Where you are going
How the date came about/how you know each other
How expensive the place is

Went on date once and is was very clear the man didn't want to pay, got over excited and amiated when I said about splitting the bill which was really unattractive.

But to be contrary if a man wants to pay it makes you want to split it and I am really sorry but it is more attractive.

Having said that I don't do many dates. A lot of my friends have loads and male friends can't be expected to pick up the bill every time.

That would have put me off too.

Hermia wrote: »

I think the asker should offer to pay on the first date purely because they may not know the other person's financial situation. Especially as a well-off person may genuinely not realise that their choice might be considered too expensive for a lot of people. I think going for a coffee for a first date is a great idea. After that both people should be contributing.

Yes I agree that the asker (which is usually the man,) should pay for the first date. However, I also agree that it is nice and courteous for the woman to offer to pay her half. Most men, if they do want a second date however, should refuse the offer. (JMHO.)

No need for men to pay all the time of course, and in the early stages of a relationship, it should be a 50/50 split. (Roughly.)

(Obvs things would change later on when kids come along and one partner works less hours, or stays at home with the kids and isn't earning as much...)

I also think it should not be an expensive night out on the first date, and that men should run a mile away from grabby women. I do know the type; make men pay for everything - very unfair and nasty.

It is definitely tricky, deciding how to handle it. I mean lots of women are going to be put off with 'I don't really wanna keep paying for you.' But why should the man pay all the time?!

On the other hand I would say to the men that if, by the third date, she is still allowing you to pay, (and not offering half,) I would say on the fourth date, 'is it OK if we go dutch?' By then though, any woman worth bothering with should have offered to start paying her share by now. If she hasn't, and she gives you a filthy look for suggesting a split, you should probably not bother with her anyway.

Re what Kynthia said...

On the First Dates tv show as far as I've seen it's been older women who've been offended by the man not paying the whole thing. I think younger women are much more inclined to split the bill, but a man insisting on paying will seem chivalrous and generous.

I am in my mid 50's, and would never expect the man to pay for anything, so I am not sure how old these 'older women' are on first dates...

Tricky. Don't envy you OP.

snow_ball

I was brought up to 'stand my round' too. On my last 'first date', we just went for drinks, I think he bought more rounds than me despite me offering, but I had travelled further. Subsequent dates were paid for by whoever suggested the date/place and after a few dates we were splitting things equally. By then he'd discovered I earned more money than him, so he didn't feel the need to be so 'chivalrous', and it's not a quality I've ever been that interested in.


I find it bizarre than women still expect men to foot the bills, but then whilst I'm all for equality, I'm fairly sure we've still not achieved equal pay, so maybe the women you are dating are aware of that too


Perhaps if all the women you meet are high maintenance you need to adjust your filters/settings in your app?