Paying the bill when dating

jamiehelsinki

I'm way out of touch here (late 30's and single for the first time since my early 20's) with up to date rules of dating but my question is who pays for what and when.

I've been on pof a few months now and had a few dates from it. I have generally enjoyed it, met some nice women, had a few good nights out, met a few not so nice but it's helped me get my confidence back with women.

I generally always offer to pay on the first date and it's rarely declined but at what point should the woman start offering to pay or pick up her half of the bill occasionally?

Second question if the date was quite an expensive one for a first date, venue suggested by the woman and you didn't like her from the off or she wasn't what she seemed to be online, should you just pay your half and let her pay for herself?

I know there's no right or wrong answer just curious what other people's perspectives are on this?

Thanks, Jamie

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Tiddlywinks

POF? Don't know what that is/means.

Anyway, if the woman turns out to be different from her description and you aren't comfortable with those differences then just say "hey, you're different from your profile and I think it's just easier if we save each other the time and not bother continuing onto dinner. Thanks anyway." Then, no need to worry about the bill.

Generally, I think in 'old fashioned' dates the person doing the asking (as in:"can I take you to dinner" or "would you like to have a drink with me?") should pay for the date and then future dates are shared.

In on-line dating, I'd say sharing is the way it should be as that is the purpose of the site - to meet dates - so both parties should share the costs.

phatbear

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

POF? Don't know what that is/means.

POF=Plenty of fish which is an online dating site.


I know its for TV but im always interested on 1st dates when it comes to bill time and ive seen women on there state they would not want to see the man again because he wanted to split the bill, so much for sexual equality.


i think the real dilemma comes when two people of the same gender date who the heck picks up the bill then?

jamiehelsinki

Yes plenty of fish.

I met a woman tonight who had suggested going for food in a nice restaurant, lucky for me I only had time for a drink so we met In the bar of said restaurant for a quick drink and chat.
However her pictures were clearly out of date and the non smoker was a smoker amongst other things I was just sitting there thinking I'm glad I didn't agree to a meal, it could have been an expensive waste of time.

Rejast

Well maybe I am not the norm.
On every date I have ever been on I have always at least offered to split the bill.
The first date with my oh I was quite adamant that I should pay my way but the sneaky so and so paid whilst I went to the loo.
I know some friends who have actually gone on a date and not taken any money as they felt if a guy asked them out then he should pay, they also have no qualms about ordering expensive items. I have never gone out and ordered anything which I could not afford to pay for myself.

selement

Yeah this is a rubbish double standard but I too have heard women say they wouldn't go on a second date if the man didn't pay.
I never really did 'dating' but when OH and I had separate money and were going out we'd take in turns or split (or one of us offered to pay as incentive to go out).

I guess I can see the point of view that if someone asks you out there's an assumption they'll pay (male or female, but usually male), but still think modern women ought to be offering splitting the bill. If you refuse to pay their half you probably will ruin chances with some. This might be an acceptable outcome for you as at least you won't end up with someone old fashioned /a massive hypocrite in terms of feminism, or knowing that many women are hypocritical in this manner could pick cheaper date locations.

A friend of mine is struggling with this currently he keeps paying for first dates to cinema and dinner and it really adds up and they expect to be paid for and don't want a second date so it's like they just want a free meal, so unfair!

zagfles

selement wrote: »

Yeah this is a rubbish double standard but I too have heard women say they wouldn't go on a second date if the man didn't pay.

Which is an excellent leech filter

Sparklytori

As someone new to the online dating game, i won't go for a meal on the first meet (don't really call it a date!) coffee or quick drink so you can check they are like their profile...and if not make it a quick drink!!
Save the meal for the next meet up

Poor_Single_lady

I know this sounds bad but I think it depends on a few things.

Where you are going
How the date came about/how you know each other
How expensive the place is

Went on date once and is was very clear the man didn't want to pay, got over excited and amiated when I said about splitting the bill which was really unattractive.

But to be contrary if a man wants to pay it makes you want to split it and I am really sorry but it is more attractive.

Having said that I don't do many dates. A lot of my friends have loads and male friends can't be expected to pick up the bill every time.

I do think if there is no spark then it is definitely 100% right to split the bill but when the person has lied about something as important about smoking I would call that a day early too.

justme111

Do not go to places that imply spending more than a cup of coffee/glass of wine for first dates. You do not have to justify yourself on why not. If a woman suggest expensive date it would be a big red flag. Further down the line I would say you pay if you suggest going out. If a woman suggests going out than it depends on whether you happy to pay your half, or may be it is not an issue for you to pay for both , or you do not want the expense even for your part.

Re equality and all that - each to their own. Many men prefer the girls who like diamonds, no need to denigrate people who have different preferences.

PeacefulWaters

First dates have tended to be drink, coffee or pub grub where two meals come in for under £20 with a drink.

I've always paid and if the lady offers to chip in I just say she can pick up the bill next time. And let her.