Husband has been texting another woman.

feeling_sad

tea_lover wrote: »

To be fair to the people who have erred on the side of 'friendship', what you've posted here (my bold) isn't included in the OP.

powerful_Rogue wrote: »

How does the OP know she has been blocked? The woman in question may have stringent privacy controls set on her social media accounts.

No, I haven't included the entirety of this situation as I could go on forever. I also haven't been specific about some of the things she told me he had said as they are hurtful and I can't bring myself to write them.

I know that she had blocked me as I logged into his account and he wasn't. Why would his innocent friend block me? I'm sure someone will come along and tell me its because its my fault for having some insecurity due to my husbands current and past behaviour.

Tigsteroonie

Does your husband know that you've posted this on MSE? You've come to us to discuss your marriage, he went to a 'friend'. Is there a difference, and if you think there is a difference, would he agree?

I think the suggestion of counselling is very good. You both need to start talking - and listening - to each other, rather than people outside of your marriage.

feeling_sad

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Does your husband know that you've posted this on MSE? You've come to us to discuss your marriage, he went to a 'friend'. Is there a difference, and if you think there is a difference, would he agree?

I think the suggestion of counselling is very good. You both need to start talking - and listening - to each other, rather than people outside of your marriage.

I am not flirting with anyone in the process. Yes I was going to show him this evening when e gets home. I don't feel the need to have secrets behind his back. We have done lots of talking but he had lied to me and told it was only some texts on catching up until I found the call logs, spoke to her on the content and kept finding out more and more.. none of which he volunteered himself.

feeling_sad

bap98189 wrote: »

Whether this was just friendship or not is irrelevant. Whether or not this kind of behaviour would be acceptable to other people reading this is also irrelevant. Clearly this is behaviour the OP is not comfortable with, and it sounds as though her husband knew this.

The question you need to ask yourself is whether this is something the two of you can work through. The fact he seems remorseful and is being open with you makes me think there is a chink of light there, and is why I would strongly suggest the two of you go to some form of counselling. Surely 7 years of marriage and 3 children is enough motivation to make it worth giving it a shot?

I agree, I just needed some opinions like this which I thank you for. If I had known I would be made to feel even worse for feeling hurt for the betrayal and disloyalty I probably wouldn't have posted.

FBaby

So there are two issues: what you see as flirting which clearly toy think is unacceptable but what I consider more important and personally think should be your main focus, the fact that at some point he wasn't happy in your marriage when you thought all was well and you had no clue and he felt the need to confine in someone else because he couldn't do so with you.

It sounds to me that there are issues with your marriage and you should consider seeking marriage counselling.

Poor_Single_lady

op my heart goes out to you.

Please ignore the unhelpful posts.

If I may I would like to say that I think your response in completely normal.

I have a friend who is a married man. I felt we were too close and reduced the friendship. It had become in appropriate and made me uncomfortable.
We are facebook friends but have very little to do with each other.
I didn't want anyone to feel how you are feeling now.

As others have said please do consider relate. People do all
Sorts of stupid things and it can help to talk openly. And maybe come out the other side. xxx

Proxima_Centauri

feeling_sad wrote: »

I agree, I just needed some opinions like this which I thank you for. If I had known I would be made to feel even worse for feeling hurt for the betrayal and disloyalty I probably wouldn't have posted.

Intentionally hurtful comments are one thing, but merely posting a viewpoint that you don't like or agree with should not be considered unacceptable.

feeling_sad

FBaby wrote: »

So there are two issues: what you see as flirting which clearly toy think is unacceptable but what I consider more important and personally think should be your main focus, the fact that at some point he wasn't happy in your marriage when you thought all was well and you had no clue and he felt the need to confine in someone else because he couldn't do so with you.

It sounds to me that there are issues with your marriage and you should consider seeking marriage counselling.

No, that is also my main focus. I am probably coming across like its all about the flirting as I am being a little defensive from so many people saying its just friendly. I am very surprised so many people don't have an issue with their husband/ wife leaving their partner in bed and calling another female/male as soon as they get into their car and drive to work! I can't help but think that would be seen as inappropriate and crossing the boundaries. And sending selfies etc..

However, yes that confiding in her regarding our marriage that I had no idea over. He says it was on a bad day and he had a rant (on two occasions!). I just feel hurt that a stranger knew more about it than I did. He gets that now and I think we will go for the counselling.

feeling_sad

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

op my heart goes out to you.

Please ignore the unhelpful posts.

If I may I would like to say that I think your response in completely normal.

I have a friend who is a married man. I felt we were too close and reduced the friendship. It had become in appropriate and made me uncomfortable.
We are facebook friends but have very little to do with each other.
I didn't want anyone to feel how you are feeling now.

As others have said please do consider relate. People do all
Sorts of stupid things and it can help to talk openly. And maybe come out the other side. xxx

Thank you, your post has made me cry.

I have not come here to hear 'what I want to hear' but just offer me some helpful understanding on how to deal with this.
I am struggling to understand why my husband chose to do this but perhaps I am naive to the world and that this is actually a common thing people do. I am clearly far too honest and faithful as I really don't think I could sit looking at my husband every day knowing I had been exchanging messages, selfies and intimate conversations with another man.
I guess I have learned something more today.

[Deleted User]

'Friendship' maybe now, but possibly the start of a slippery slope to something else as well. I'd be upset too if my spouse chatted to somebody else about our marriage without my knowledge. Counselling? - As long as both agree and are willing, but trust needs to be built and hiding messages from another of the opposite sex isn't a good foundation in my opinion.