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Admitting you're OK without the kids at Christmas (now they've grown...)
fierystormcloud
Posts: 1,588 Forumite
A woman at work actually shocked some of our colleagues to the core, because she said she didn't mind that her 2 adult children were not coming to Christmas lunch. And one of them isn't even coming on Christmas day at all. And she and her husband are actually perfectly OK with it. :eek:
Oh the horror. Won't someone think of the turkeys?!
Seriously, her son moved 50 miles south, with his girlfriend six months ago, and they are staying with her and her husband for 2 days early this week when they'll swap presents, and have a meal out. Then they're back off to their home and will spend the 23rd to the 25th at her mother's. (who lives 25 miles south of them.)
The daughter (who moved 9 months ago to live with her boyfriend,) lives fairly locally (15 miles away,) and will visit for 3 or 4 hours in the morning and then toddle off to his parents at around 2pm, for late lunch. Then they'll see her again New year's Day afternoon (they're going out to a party New Year's Eve, so are seeing the daughter later in case they're hung over!)
It's the first Christmas without both at home full time, and she said she after 23-24 years, she and her husband are not only enjoying their lives at home with the kids gone, but they're also looking forward to Christmas alone. She said she's looking forward to seeing her son and his girlfriend for a couple of days and going out with them, and also seeing her daughter and boyfriend for a few hours Christmas day, but she is actually excited at the thought of Christmas with just her and her husband.
A few people at work think it's 'weird' to actually be enjoying not only your home and life with the children having left home, but also looking forward to Christmas without them there (hardly.)
'Well what if they decided to come back home?' one woman crowed.
The woman said they would be welcome back of course...'
Another woman is gobsmacked that anyone would be OK with their (adult) children not coming to Christmas dinner, and spending it with someone else's family! And the thought of not even seeing one of the children at all on Christmas day, and 'only seeing them for a few days beforehand...!' :eek:
So is anyone prepared to admit they enjoy Christmas alone with just their partner now the kids have flown the nest? (Or alone with just you if you are a single parent?) Not necessarily that it's better, or you're glad they've gone, and you probably loved the Christmases with them when they were kids, but just that you are enjoying it without kids there...
The woman in question said she and her husband have thoroughly enjoyed 20-ish Christmases with their children, and a few years ago, actually dreaded the thought of Christmas without them. But, she said, this past 2 or 3 years, the kids have been sullen and anti-Christmas anyway, just mooching about in their bedrooms, going out with mates, messing the house up, and expecting to be waited on hand and foot. And since they left (only several months apart,) the relationships with them have been fantastic. They meet twice monthly, go out for meals, go on day trips, go to the theatre or cinema, all meet up together with their children's partner's families now and again, and all live their adult lives.
As I said though, a few people seem shocked that she and her husband are OK with the kids not only leaving home, but also not being at home for Christmas...
Thoughts, opinions???
Oh the horror. Won't someone think of the turkeys?!
Seriously, her son moved 50 miles south, with his girlfriend six months ago, and they are staying with her and her husband for 2 days early this week when they'll swap presents, and have a meal out. Then they're back off to their home and will spend the 23rd to the 25th at her mother's. (who lives 25 miles south of them.)
The daughter (who moved 9 months ago to live with her boyfriend,) lives fairly locally (15 miles away,) and will visit for 3 or 4 hours in the morning and then toddle off to his parents at around 2pm, for late lunch. Then they'll see her again New year's Day afternoon (they're going out to a party New Year's Eve, so are seeing the daughter later in case they're hung over!)
It's the first Christmas without both at home full time, and she said she after 23-24 years, she and her husband are not only enjoying their lives at home with the kids gone, but they're also looking forward to Christmas alone. She said she's looking forward to seeing her son and his girlfriend for a couple of days and going out with them, and also seeing her daughter and boyfriend for a few hours Christmas day, but she is actually excited at the thought of Christmas with just her and her husband.
A few people at work think it's 'weird' to actually be enjoying not only your home and life with the children having left home, but also looking forward to Christmas without them there (hardly.)
'Well what if they decided to come back home?' one woman crowed.
The woman said they would be welcome back of course...'
Another woman is gobsmacked that anyone would be OK with their (adult) children not coming to Christmas dinner, and spending it with someone else's family! And the thought of not even seeing one of the children at all on Christmas day, and 'only seeing them for a few days beforehand...!' :eek:
So is anyone prepared to admit they enjoy Christmas alone with just their partner now the kids have flown the nest? (Or alone with just you if you are a single parent?) Not necessarily that it's better, or you're glad they've gone, and you probably loved the Christmases with them when they were kids, but just that you are enjoying it without kids there...
The woman in question said she and her husband have thoroughly enjoyed 20-ish Christmases with their children, and a few years ago, actually dreaded the thought of Christmas without them. But, she said, this past 2 or 3 years, the kids have been sullen and anti-Christmas anyway, just mooching about in their bedrooms, going out with mates, messing the house up, and expecting to be waited on hand and foot. And since they left (only several months apart,) the relationships with them have been fantastic. They meet twice monthly, go out for meals, go on day trips, go to the theatre or cinema, all meet up together with their children's partner's families now and again, and all live their adult lives.
As I said though, a few people seem shocked that she and her husband are OK with the kids not only leaving home, but also not being at home for Christmas...
Thoughts, opinions???
cooeeeeeeeee :j :wave:
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Comments
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So how do you handle it if you're with a partner?fierystormcloud wrote: »Another woman is gobsmacked that anyone would be OK with their (adult) children not coming to Christmas dinner, and spending it with someone else's family! And the thought of not even seeing one of the children at all on Christmas day, and 'only seeing them for a few days beforehand...!' :eek:
That 'someone else's family' is the girlfriend's Mother, not some random stranger.
So unless couples spend Christmas Day apart and both have Christmas dinner with their own families, it's impossible - one family will have to eat without their grown-up children.
I think the 'gobsmacked woman needs to think things through a little better.
I've not had Christmas dinner with my parents (Dad's not with us anymore) for at least 25 years - even though they live relatively close (less than 10 miles).fierystormcloud wrote: »So is anyone prepared to admit they enjoy Christmas alone with just their partner now the kids have flown the nest? (Or alone with just you if you are a single parent?) Not necessarily that it's better, or you're glad they've gone, and you probably loved the Christmases with them when they were kids, but just that you are enjoying it without kids there...
My OH used to hate having to spend Christmas with lots of other people (even though they are my family).
So now we do things our way.0 -
So how do you handle it if you're with a partner?
That 'someone else's family' is the girlfriend's Mother, not some random stranger.
So unless couples spend Christmas Day apart and both have Christmas dinner with their own families, it's impossible - one family will have to eat without their grown-up children.
I think the 'gobsmacked woman needs to think things through a little better.
I've not had Christmas dinner with my parents (Dad's not with us anymore) for at least 25 years - even though they live relatively close (less than 10 miles).
My OH used to hate having to spend Christmas with lots of other people (even though they are my family).
So now we do things our way.
I agree. The handful of women at work who are all gobsmacked need to think it through a bit better. If the woman I am talking about is OK to not spend it with her 2 adult children, and the other parents want to, everyone's happy. What's wrong with that?I think this should be on the discussion section.
The thread is about relationships; it's perfectly acceptable for it to be on here.cooeeeeeeeee :j :wave:0 -
I don't think anything's wrong with that.fierystormcloud wrote: »I agree. The handful of women at work who are all gobsmacked need to think it through a bit better. If the woman I am talking about is OK to not spend it with her 2 adult children, and the other parents want to, everyone's happy. What's wrong with that?
If someone at work did things differently to me I'd be interested in hearing about it, not be so narrow-minded as to be 'gobsmacked'.
'Shocked to the core'?
'Weird'?
Really?0 -
I don't think anything's wrong with that.
If someone at work did things differently to me I'd be interested in hearing about it, not be so narrow-minded as to be 'gobsmacked'.
'Shocked to the core'?
'Weird'?
Really?
Exactly! Some people just don't like it when someone does things differently to them do they?
cooeeeeeeeee :j :wave:0 -
fierystormcloud wrote: »
Thoughts, opinions???fierystormcloud wrote: »
The thread is about relationships; it's perfectly acceptable for it to be on here.
It's not about you, or financial advice linked to families or relationships. You asked for thoughts.
It wasn't a criticism just saying the discussion board loves things like this.Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0 -
I don't know.fierystormcloud wrote: »Exactly! Some people just don't like it when someone does things differently to them do they?
The majority of people I interact with don't always do things the same as me.
I don't mind that and they don't seem to mind that I (and other people) sometimes do things differently to them.
We are all interested in each other, not expecting people to be clones.
What's with the? 0 -
My husband and I usually go abroad at Christmas and part of the reason is to get away from who's having mother this year and gives our children less stress with trying to visit everyone.0
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Our son is 22 and moved out a couple of years ago (university final year and now has an apartment close to where he works with his girlfriend)
His girlfriends brother is home from australia and they are all staying at her parents from Christmas Eve right through.
So we're off to Tenerife on Christmas eve for a week. We'll skype on christmas day at some point and they're heading up here this afternoon for a pre christmas visit.
Works all round really - hes happy with the plans, we're happy with the plans and its something a bit different for all of us.0 -
When we were first married we lived a long distance from both our families. We would drive to my in laws a couple of days before Christmas and have Christmas lunch with in laws then drive 100 miles and have Christmas dinner with my parents and stay a few days.0
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Have the 'gobsmacked' people at work got any children or only young children?
The teenage years are designed for parents to look forward to a day when they leave
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