Admitting you're OK without the kids at Christmas (now they've grown...)

SingleSue

It worked out great for us when I was married, his parents had always gone away on Christmas day leaving him on his own at home so it was no problem spending Christmas day with my parents and boxing day with his.

When his dad died, his mum just joined us on Christmas day at my parent's house and then came around to ours on Boxing day for dinner.

I've had one Christmas without eldest son as he had an SR duty at university. He hated it and it felt weird but we facetimed the present opening to help ease his depression at being all alone. This year, he is going to be battling the trains on Christmas eve to come home for a few days before going back for more shifts...he loves the family Christmas.

Marvel1

How is the shocked Mother going to cope if they have grandchildren?!

I'm not going to my parents for Xmas lunch and never have for the last 3 years we live in the same street.

no1catman

I haven't read all the posts. But it seems to me there is an alternative so far missed.
The offspring have left home, they have a life of their own. Why do parents assume that their (adult) children will want to visit them for Christmas.
Maybe they would prefer to enjoy Christmas with their partner by themselves.
Maybe the parents, should do the visiting for an hourish to exchange presents, have tea and a mince pie or two, and then to the next one. And let them start creating their own Christmas traditions and family/household history.

PasturesNew

My sister and I did "Xmas with the parents" every year ... until they died.
We had nowhere else to go. It was what we did.
I think none of us enjoyed it, to be honest.
But it's what we did.

I think we probably "did it for mum", but, to be honest, I don't think she enjoyed it either, but "it's what mums do".

Stuck in tradition, expectations and "what you do" ... all of us.

I'm not saying the alternatives would/could have been better .... but we never found out.

Our sister who married never came. They lived a 45 mile drive away, had the time/money to do the travel. They always went to his parents....who had a less troublesome/traumatic Christmas Day in a larger space/home.

DigForVictory

Our family is spread about a bit. I haul my lot down to see my folks, then haul them over to the inlaws & then we curl up in our own home & do Christmas our way.
Our parents are content as having a full houseful is a logistical nightmare, no matter how heartwarming the idea might be - the reality is rough.
My inlaws are grateful for me driving everyone over for a thorough spoiling & then taking them all away again so all can recover.

Egg & chips sounds fun - I shall ask my lads if they'd like that, before being put to work under the Chef who creates his masterpiece Christmas roast pork & assorted trimmings.

I'm a firm believer that some traditions are set in rock & others are altogether more flexible.

Loz01

My work colleague was fretting as every year they drive either to her Mum and Dads or her OH's Mum and Dads with 3 kids. When I said why don't you just stay home with the kids in your own home she said they aren't allowed!!! This is a 40 something year old woman with 3 kids aged 8-12... I said I would just phone up and tell the parties involved "We've decided to have xmas at home as a family this year with the kids"... everyone looked at me like I was mad.

I don't have any kids so maybe this is a radical suggestion... anyone?

Hermia

no1catman wrote: »

I haven't read all the posts. But it seems to me there is an alternative so far missed.
The offspring have left home, they have a life of their own. Why do parents assume that their (adult) children will want to visit them for Christmas.
Maybe they would prefer to enjoy Christmas with their partner by themselves.

I know so many people who work Christmas Eve and after Christmas and the only thing they have the time/energy for is a quiet Christmas with their OH.

I find it so baffling that so many people out there think there is only ever one right way to do things. And anyone who does anything different is deemed to be weird or deluded. It is bizarre. I cannot imagine having a mind so narrow that you can't imagine doing something different.

elisebutt65

I'd love Xmas with just OH and I. Stil. Have my ds2 at home. He's 16 and refuses to go to his dads. Then Boxing Day we have 3 of my step kids and partners for 1 night. I had to put my foot down over 3 nights as 2 are vegan and 1 is vegetarian and it drives me bonkers to cook different stuff for 3 types of diet. Then we have another stepson and his wife for 2 nights and then a night off before my eldest and his gf cone for 3 nights.
Then I'm back to work for a rest.
Next year its Bruges for a week.

Pollycat

Loz01 wrote: »

My work colleague was fretting as every year they drive either to her Mum and Dads or her OH's Mum and Dads with 3 kids. When I said why don't you just stay home with the kids in your own home she said they aren't allowed!!! This is a 40 something year old woman with 3 kids aged 8-12... I said I would just phone up and tell the parties involved "We've decided to have xmas at home as a family this year with the kids"... everyone looked at me like I was mad.

I don't have any kids so maybe this is a radical suggestion... anyone?

I'd go with your radical suggestion.
But I don't have any kids either so maybe we are over-simplifying the importance of spending Christmas Day with family.

I'm pretty sure that if I had 3 kids, I wouldn't be dragging them to their grandparents -'allowed' or not.

We had a similar discussion in the pub last night and agreed that most kids would prefer to spend Christmas Day in their own home playing with the toys they've had.
When I was a kid, the whole family used to have to get ready to visit Great Aunt & Uncle for tea on Christmas Day.
I used to hate it.

suki1964

Even before mum and dad moved in with us, they came to mine for Christmas - and I hated it.

Mum telling me how to cook, yet never actually lifting a finger, and dad in control of the remote


And then the years they extended the stay, slowly and surely:rotfl:

When they moved in with us I started a new tradition, pressies after dinner and dessert, then we would sit and watch a stand up comic dvd, then duty done, we escaped to our own living room to do our own thing

I have NEVER expected to be asked to our daughters, nor do I expect her to come to ours. Modern families are so complicated with step siblings, numerous sets of grandparents, it's easier for her to make her own traditions, and like me, she likes cooking her own dinner and seeing her kids wake up in their own home

We will see them Friday and if they can find someone to take the dog, they will prolly come stay NYE. If not I'll run up and lift the grandkids for a few nights so they can go out themselves