Admitting you're OK without the kids at Christmas (now they've grown...)

duchy

BarryBlue wrote: »

All of us hate the commercialised spendfest that Christmas has become. It holds no significance for any of us, especially as we seem to have had it shoved in our faces for at least the last six weeks. The sooner it's all over the better!

Yet you are horrified at the thought of the shops not opening for Boxing Day, that to me is far more commercialised and cynical

TBagpuss

I think that the people at OPs work being 'gobsmacked' that an adult child is not gointo be at paretns for christmas re mostly severely lacking in imagination. After all, once an adult is independent and has their own home / partner / friends they will be building up their own relationships and traitins. If they are half of a couple then they will be balancing two families, so it would be reasonable to expect that they would not be there at least half the time, possibly more.

And I think once eveyone is adult, it is just as reasonable for the 'parents' to travel as for the 'children' to do so (possibly more, it may be easier for retuirees to travel than for their workin 'children', for instance!)

balletshoes

BarryBlue wrote: »

I don't really see what the big deal is with people feeling compelled to get together with family at Christmas.
We don't really bother with Christmas anyway and will not be seeing any family this Sunday. We don't do a Xmas dinner, we go to a favourite local restaurant with friends instead.

My daughter lives 100 miles away and will travel to us for a couple of days next week as she has some time off work. That suits us all fine. Our friends who we dine with have a son and a daughter, plus grandchildren, all living some distance away too. They will see them all next week as well.

All of us hate the commercialised spendfest that Christmas has become. It holds no significance for any of us, especially as we seem to have had it shoved in our faces for at least the last six weeks. The sooner it's all over the better!

but isn't that because you don't bother with christmas? I happily admit I drive for 6 hours each way over Christmas (extended visit) to be in my Mum's home town and spend most of Christmas day with her and my immediate family. I've always done it, love being "home" for Christmas, and wouldn't have it any other way. My siblings and my adult nephews do the same thing.

However, I know that things may change when my Mum is no longer with us (many years from now I hope). For one thing, my own child and my nieces and nephews may have their own partners and children, and they may have traditions of their own they want to start for Christmas for their families. And thats the way it should be. I have one child, I think (can only speculate as we're not there yet) I'll be a bit unsettled my first Christmas without her, when she's off doing her own thing. But theres no way on this earth I'll be putting any expectation or pressure on her to be with me if she has other plans.

maman

We have 2 grown up DDs.


The eldest is single and she and DGD1 come every year for Christmas Lunch and stay a few hours. They occasionally stay over but as they only live a mile or so away that's their choice and depends what they plan to be doing on Boxing Day.


DD2 used to come with SIL and DGD2 but circumstances changed. They now have a dog so always need to get back for it. Also they now invite SIL's mother every year as she's very needy.


I get a bit miffed with DD2 as we're always way down the list for a visit but I don't show it. They live 30 miles away but DD2 doesn't drive so relies on SIL. I think she thinks she doesn't need to worry about us (which is true) so gives her time to her MIL, other in-laws and friends.


If DD1 chose not to come one year then DH and I would enjoy each other's company and maybe even go away but I wouldn't un-invite her if she wants to come.

fierystormcloud

maman wrote: »

We have 2 grown up DDs.


The eldest is single and she and DGD1 come every year for Christmas Lunch and stay a few hours. They occasionally stay over but as they only live a mile or so away that's their choice and depends what they plan to be doing on Boxing Day.


DD1 used to come with SIL and DGD2 but circumstances changed. They now have a dog so always need to get back for it. Also they now invite SIL's mother every year as she's very needy.


I get a bit miffed with DD2 as we're always way down the list for a visit but I don't show it. They live 30 miles away but DD2 doesn't drive so relies on SIL. I think she thinks she doesn't need to worry about us (which is true) so gives her time to her MIL, other in-laws and friends.


If DD1 chose not to come one year then DH and I would enjoy each other's company and maybe even go away but I wouldn't un-invite her if she wants to come.

What does DGD1 and DGS2 mean?

maman

fierystormcloud wrote: »

What does DGD1 and DGS2 mean?

Elder and younger granddaughters.:)

fierystormcloud

maman wrote: »

Elder and younger granddaughters.:)

Oh right; thank you.

Never heard that before. I've heard of SIL (sister-in-law,) MIL (mother in law,) and one or two others, but I haven't heard that before.

DFlights

My MIL (sort of, not married to her son but been together 19 years), has a vision of Christmas Day that the entire family *must* be at hers for Xmas dinner, and they *must* have fun whether or not they're feeling up to it, *must* watch the Queen's speech with a sherry (she'd have us saluting if she thought she could get away with it!).
My partner is her only child, and he's never learned to drive. I'd given in too many times, hated having to be stuck in a chaotic household full of people I didn't have much in common with (or down their local pub, full of people I don't know, way too loud, not even being able to drink myself into oblivion due to having to drive) - so for the last couple of years I've said that the two parents are welcome at ours, but I'm drinking so not driving anywhere. Not my problem any more if their son won't learn to drive. I like to cook a roast dinner anyway, so traditional (ish) Xmas dinner not a problem, but we'll be opening the pressies beforehand, not waiting for ages until dinner is deemed ready, and we'll be either watching what we like on telly, or breaking out the board games. Or chatting (no religion or politics allowed!).
This year, his parents have decided that they're coming down after Xmas day anyway, so we're doing a relaxed buffet and having chilled out time. OH's son will be here from Boxing Day, after he's visited his mum, and TBH, I'm kind of looking forward to having him as he's a bit older now (20), and we can play daft rude games like Cards Against Humanity - can't do that with the in-laws as they don't like that sort of thing. Fair enough.
I think OH's in-laws have finally realised that I'm not going to ferry around their only son and that we'd occasionally like a Chrimbo to ourselves as a couple, just sad that it took me being the bad guy for a while (not backing down, not agreeing to stuff where I'd had no say), to make them realise this. Doesn't really help that I am no contact with my own blood relations so didn't have the excuse of going to my own parents to fall back on.

maman

DFlights wrote: »

My MIL (sort of, not married to her son but been together 19 years), has a vision of Christmas Day that the entire family *must* be at hers for Xmas dinner, and they *must* have fun whether or not they're feeling up to it, *must* watch the Queen's speech with a sherry (she'd have us saluting if she thought she could get away with it!).
My partner is her only child, and he's never learned to drive. I'd given in too many times, hated having to be stuck in a chaotic household full of people I didn't have much in common with (or down their local pub, full of people I don't know, way too loud, not even being able to drink myself into oblivion due to having to drive) - so for the last couple of years I've said that the two parents are welcome at ours, but I'm drinking so not driving anywhere. Not my problem any more if their son won't learn to drive. I like to cook a roast dinner anyway, so traditional (ish) Xmas dinner not a problem, but we'll be opening the pressies beforehand, not waiting for ages until dinner is deemed ready, and we'll be either watching what we like on telly, or breaking out the board games. Or chatting (no religion or politics allowed!).
This year, his parents have decided that they're coming down after Xmas day anyway, so we're doing a relaxed buffet and having chilled out time. OH's son will be here from Boxing Day, after he's visited his mum, and TBH, I'm kind of looking forward to having him as he's a bit older now (20), and we can play daft rude games like Cards Against Humanity - can't do that with the in-laws as they don't like that sort of thing. Fair enough.
I think OH's in-laws have finally realised that I'm not going to ferry around their only son and that we'd occasionally like a Chrimbo to ourselves as a couple, just sad that it took me being the bad guy for a while (not backing down, not agreeing to stuff where I'd had no say), to make them realise this. Doesn't really help that I am no contact with my own blood relations so didn't have the excuse of going to my own parents to fall back on.

If you've put up with the best part of 19 years of that I don't blame you taking a stand.:)


Did your partner have a chauffeur in a previous life?;) Although I suppose the alternative to driving him on Christmas Day would have been to stay over:eek:.

lisa110rry

I'm perfectly fine with my only child remaining in Dubai for Christmas with his wife.

One Christmas about 30 years ago, we went to my husband's family (okay Fruitcake, my family too) for the holidays. The house was chaotic, the children were up at midnight and I hated it! Ever since then, we had Christmas to the three of us in our home. Years later our son said to me that he was very happy we had stayed in our home just the three of us, because it allowed us to form our own family traditions.

We shall be afloat from Christmas Eve!