Admitting you're OK without the kids at Christmas (now they've grown...)

System

Pollycat wrote: »

If he's old enough to consider leaving him at home alone, maybe he'd prefer to do whatever he wants on Christmas Day without his parents being there.....:)

Yes your probably right but who would cook his Christmas dinner? He's not up to that standard yet.

When we do go away he does miss us, he's told me that when we've gone away before, Well he misses me and the dogs, his Dad not so much.

lobbyludd

to up the ante, I'm perfectly OK with not having my not-adult children with me every christmas. Means I can lie in, spend it with adult friends, have more interesting food at a time we are hungry, have some drinks, not have to arbitrate over inevitable squabbles, and joy of joys only be responsible for me.

I love the family christmases too, but the friend christmases or even (the horror!) the christmas day I spent entirely on my own, deliciously doing or not doing whatever I felt like are also fantastic.

absolutely not "putting on a brave face" although I have been known to lie about what I'm doing because I've previously had pushy random invitations from people who pity my terrible circumstances

Pollycat

Judi wrote: »

Yes your probably right but who would cook his Christmas dinner? He's not up to that standard yet.

When we do go away he does miss us, he's told me that when we've gone away before, Well he misses me and the dogs, his Dad not so much.

But do you really have to have Christmas dinner on Christmas Day?
Or do work commitments dictate that you do?

I hope you're working on his cooking capabilities, when I was 15 I was in charge of Sunday lunch for 5 of us every week as my Mum worked.

ska_lover

annandale wrote: »

Sorry but is it only me that thinks the opening post is just a ridiculous saga and that people need to get a life.

What I think is weird is that people know so much detail about co workers lives then splash it all over the Internet

No it is not only you - it sounds like an episode of eastenders but worse

warehouse

My parents moved a long way from us about 20 years ago, (over 100 miles). They made it quite clear that they would love to see us over Christmas but not on Christmas day. We duly visited over Christmas every year since then, but we always go there, they don't want to come to ours as they say it's too far to drive.

Almost a year ago my father passed away and now we've been "summoned" down there for Christmas day. My Wife is absolutely against the idea as we've been kept at arms length for so long, but being the soft touch that I am, I feel we should go and see Mum with the family, (no she won't come to ours even if I go get her).

It's causing me pain.

Pollycat

warehouse wrote: »

My parents moved a long way from us about 20 years ago, (over 100 miles). They made it quite clear that they would love to see us over Christmas but not on Christmas day. We duly visited over Christmas every year since then, but we always go there, they don't want to come to ours as they say it's too far to drive.

Almost a year ago my father passed away and now we've been "summoned" down there for Christmas day. My Wife is absolutely against the idea as we've been kept at arms length for so long, but being the soft touch that I am, I feel we should go and see Mum with the family, (no she won't come to ours even if I go get her).

It's causing me pain.

TBH, if I was your wife I'd be causing you pain for even thinking about it,especially if it was worded as a 'summons'.

Your parents made it clear they didn't want to see you on Christmas Day so you've made your own tradition over many years.

You've made a reasonable offer to drive to pick her up which she's rejected.

Years ago me & OH used to have Christmas dinner at my parents along with my other siblings and their kids.
After I had a fallout with one sibling who had small children, I said we'd step back and not expect to see them for Christmas dinner to make it easier all round so they could see their grandchildren.

A few years down the line, sibling and parents had a falling out.
We were asked if we'd like to go up for Christmas dinner that year but we just said we'd got into our own routine and were happy having lunch on our own.

coolcait

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Wonderful array of replies. Thank you.

Seems the general consensus is that it's not a big deal to feel fine with your offspring not spending Christmas with you, and some people actually enjoy it. Pretty cool that people don't feel afraid to admit it too. It's one of the last taboos I think, to admit you enjoy time without your children! :eek:

As my eldest sister said (when I discussed this with her,) just because you enjoy time without them, that doesn't mean you don't enjoy time with them. In addition, one of my close friends had a Christmas alone with her husband last year, when their daughter (18,) went away from 20th to 27th December with her boyfriend to Canada, and she spoke to her via skype for half hour Christmas day. But despite not having the daughter home over Christmas, she said she loved the week with just her and her husband. She also does not visit extended family over the 25th-28th, preferring to see them before.

The lady at work, and my friend, have had many wonderful Christmases with their kids during the 18-20 years they were growing up, and they had many wonderful ones before they were born too - with their husbands for a few years, and their parents and siblings as a child/teen. So I think it's perfectly fine to enjoy it with just the 2 of you (or just you.)

The way I feel is if you see your family all year round and have a good relationship; why the desperation to have them spend Christmas day with you? :huh:

I see quite a few people in our road who have extended family stuck at their house all day Christmas day, and also boxing day, literally from 10am to 7pm both days. Some have them staying there, 2-3 days. That would drive me bonkers. Maybe they live far away I don't know, but they don't appear to see them any other time. As I said, my friends and family are in my life all the time, some closeby, some not so close (like 50-80 miles,) but I do see my family quite often, so I don't have this huge 'must have every family member at my house for all day Christmas day and boxing day, even if they don't wanna be here' attitude.

Interesting responses, thank you.

I hope you said all of that - there and then - to the 'gobsmacked' colleagues in response to their OTT reactions .


That's where those kinds of speeches really count.


On t'internet, when you've gauged that you'll be preaching to the choir? Not so much.

enthusiasticsaver

I would certainly prefer to have at least one of our adult children with us over Christmas but it is not always possible when they have partners and children of their own. I am certainly not surprised that some people prefer not to have them home at Christmas as it depends very much on the personalities involved. It is only a day after all and we would make the best of it if we were on our own. As it is, this year we have both DDs, son in law and granddaughter.

BarryBlue

I don't really see what the big deal is with people feeling compelled to get together with family at Christmas. We don't really bother with Christmas anyway and will not be seeing any family this Sunday. We don't do a Xmas dinner, we go to a favourite local restaurant with friends instead.

My daughter lives 100 miles away and will travel to us for a couple of days next week as she has some time off work. That suits us all fine. Our friends who we dine with have a son and a daughter, plus grandchildren, all living some distance away too. They will see them all next week as well.

All of us hate the commercialised spendfest that Christmas has become. It holds no significance for any of us, especially as we seem to have had it shoved in our faces for at least the last six weeks. The sooner it's all over the better!

duchy

Judi wrote: »

Yes your probably right but who would cook his Christmas dinner? He's not up to that standard yet.

When we do go away he does miss us, he's told me.

Well he misses your cooking anyway :rotfl:

Most people having a single Christmas don't bother with a full roast anyway .....same as you wouldn't bother cooking a roast for one just because it's Sunday ...... but then not everyone has turkey for Christmas dinner even if catering for the whole tribe !