Admitting you're OK without the kids at Christmas (now they've grown...)

Artytarty

It's also plausible and very sensible if the woman at work is putting on a brave face. Perhaps she is less ok with it than we know but has to find a way to deal with it. The last thing some people want is pity.

It's very likely one of my three grown up children will return to live on the same island as me. It hurts like heck but I try not to let it show with lots of talk about being proud they're doing their own thing etc, !!!!!!!! really.

fairy_lights

My parents had their first child free Christmas a few years ago and had the time of their lives. I visited them briefly in the morning to exchange gifts before heading off to OH's parents house for lunch - they had had prosecco and chocolate coins for breakfast so were already pretty tipsy. After we left they had their Christmas dinner - without family to cook for they realised they could have whatever they wanted so had egg and chips. Then they settled down for the true meaning of Christmas - the Doctor Who Christmas special, before having several of their child free friends round for trivial persuit and binge drinking. It was the first Christmas in over 30 years where they had been able to put their own wants and needs first and as much as they enjoy having Christmases with all their children around, they also appreciate having some freedom back in their lives.

nimbo

She may be fine with it. When you have adult children surely you have to suck some of this up to a certain extent? We do alternate christmases with my family and his family. We wouldn't all fit in one house. This year he is doing Boxing Day with his mother - and I cannot go as I need to visit a terminally Ill relative.

His sister in law has a very complex family and they spend all day Christmas Day driving from place to place and by 5pm look knackered and miserable. They don't have any leaway built in if starter is running late at house number one - they still have to leave at specific times.

We take the time over the three or four days to see all the people we need to. I'd love to have a Christmas morning all to ourselves and actually enjoy a lie intogether on Christmas Day. That would be an epic Christmas present. Maybe the parents feel the same?

We've hosted once for my family and once for his. I think this year we deserve a lie in. Maybe to 9o clock?

Ames

As others have said, it doesn't make sense to be gobsmacked. So every couple has to have both sets of parents, plus any grandparents or even great grandparents round for Christmas dinner? How does it work if there are siblings both with parents, cram all the families in? Or have a rigid schedule with multiple meals?

Bizarre.

Spendless

I have posted about this before, but when me and my DH first got together, at Christmas his parents invited us for lunch, mine for tea. We accepted both invites as they live in the same village (at this point we lived 50 miles away). What we hadn't thought to do was ask about timings so when we did, with only a few days to go, we discovered my MIL wasn't serving lunch until 3pm, whereas my Mum was having tea at 4pm. Cue both Mums 'sulking' his because we would be racing off as soon as we'd eaten, mine because we'd be too full to eat her food. SIL also got in on the act, wanting DH to come over early because their Mum sent a food parcel to a relative each Christmas day and she didn't want to go by herself. We spent the day trying to please everyone, and ended up with everyone unhappy, ourselves included. Never did it again.

Pollycat

Artytarty wrote: »

It's also plausible and very sensible if the woman at work is putting on a brave face. Perhaps she is less ok with it than we know but has to find a way to deal with it. The last thing some people want is pity.

Then the kindest way to deal with it is for her colleagues not to be gob-smacked or say they're shocked to the core or tell her they think she's weird but to let her continue in her assertion that she's looking forward to a child-free Christmas.

selement

I often don't see my parents at all on Christmas day. My partners parents live a while away away so 2/3 Christmases we stay with one of them and don't see my parents till we're home a few days later (we might stop in Xmas eve). I do have a sibling that I think they usually see though. They've never complained or seemed put out about it

silvercar

DS2's GF has made very clear that Xmas with her family is non- negotiable. They are 200 miles away. It's fine, they are growing up and can make their own decisions. We are not big on Xmas, there are other times when they are here.

We thought of going away but didn't want DS1 to be at a loose end, so decided to stay at home so he has somewhere to be.

Parent is on their own and refuses to come here, requesting that we go there instead. That was met with resistance from everyone else in the family.

ognum

Our kids made the choice to spend one Christmas together with us and then go to their respective In laws the next one. Both sets of in laws live 100s of miles away.

We are happy for them to do as they please and if they decide to have Christmas alone at home that's fine too. Last year we went to a neighbours for drinks, came home and had jacket potatoes, salad and lobster and went out for a Christmas walk. We both enjoyed it. This year we have all of them! We had plenty of invites from relative last year but decided to have a peaceful time. Next year maybe we will go away while they are with the in laws.

I really dislike the need to make everyone scurry around and then lay a guilt trip if they don't do what is wanted.


Relax, it's only one day!

Kantankrus_Mare

My eldest child moved out into his first home with his girlfriend two weeks ago.

Ive invited them to join us for lunch and my son said he would come but his girlfriend will probably go to her family.

I have a suspicion they will both end up at ours but I wouldnt be gutted if they didnt.

They only live five minutes away so see plenty of them anyway and cant understand people who dont embrace change.

Life evolves........and opens up new experiences. Just enjoy it!!

Its unfair to put pressure on our children.