Past affair - Letters received, is it worth involving the police?

ALIBOBSY

Clearly the other woman still believes the OP's ex still lives with him and the letters are more about upsetting her, prob due to suspicions of her OH having a new affair.

I agree with posters who say drop a simple, short letter pointing out the ex and he split up a number of years ago and he has no idea where she is and stating he doesn't appreciate the letters to neighbours and mention she should let the matter drop otherwise he will have to take the letters to the police.

Ali x

bouicca21

Most people in your situation would wince momentarily at the memory then move on

No one who has ever been through the hurt and devastation of discovering that the one person in the world you should be able to trust above all others is actually a cheat, could possibly talk about merely 'wincing' at the memory.

Jamiesmum

I'm really shocked that some people think he wasn't justified in telling the other mans wife. Crazy. Of course he was! I think enough lies had been told without keeping that from her too. Why shouldn't she have been told?

I would of course be devastated if that was me but, I'd eventually be pleased I found out and didn't waste more valuable time on a cheater..

OP, to me it sounds like they have probably had a very unhappy relationship since this came out, did you get a letter for your wife too? I echo other posters and would say he is probably at it again and she's putting 2 + 2 together, or blames your wife for being the start of it (who knows if she even was?). With the letter to yourself I'd let it go, but sending letters to random neighbours is beyond horrible, it's not your fault her husband cheated!

I would ring her or write to her and say anything else like this and you'll be contracting the police. I'd also try and collect as many of the neighbours letters for the future too, just incase. Are they hand written?

Pollycat

bouicca21 wrote: »

No one who has ever been through the hurt and devastation of discovering that the one person in the world you should be able to trust above all others is actually a cheat, could possibly talk about merely 'wincing' at the memory.

I disagree.
If I received a letter from the girl my ex OH had an affair with (it went on for the best part of 2 years & I was aware of it for about 4 months before he ended the affair) I wouldn't even bat an eyelid.

Of course it may depend on how long ago it all happened and/or if you've moved on or not.
I moved on many years ago.
If I were still with him, it may be different.
But the OP is no longer with his wife.

annandale

Some of these responses are staggering. It could have fizzled out or ended happily?

Happily? For who exactly? Are people just supposed to sit back while their partner has an affair, wait until it fizzles out or ends happily.

Basically blame the victim time

Proxima_Centauri

Jamiesmum wrote: »

OP, to me it sounds like they have probably had a very unhappy relationship since this came out, did you get a letter for your wife too? I echo other posters and would say he is probably at it again and she's putting 2 + 2 together, or blames your wife for being the start of it (who knows if she even was?). With the letter to yourself I'd let it go, but sending letters to random neighbours is beyond horrible, it's not your fault her husband cheated!

Sadly this is a common reaction with a lot of wives whose husbands were discovered to be philandering, - they blame the Other Woman for their husband's infidelity.. almost as if the husband were just a gullible and easily led child!

SnooksNJ

HighamKneeDee wrote: »

Regardless of what I may do with it out of the 2 options you present, what's known cannot be unknown, or at least suspected. Given that my wife no longer lives with me after being there many years might be a pointer to perhaps, just perhaps, the details in the letter may have some substance. What is your point?

Your Edit



I am pretty certain I'll not hide away forever but I am upset and too embarrassed at the minute to socialise today. I have text my neighbour and told him I won't be showing today. If there are letters abound then I am now considering again whether I go to the Police.

Just say it's your stalker and everyone will just laugh about it.

Person_one

divadee wrote: »

The police will do nothing at this stage. I have become ofay with harrasment orders and this in no way constitutes harrasment. For one you have to tell the person that the 'attention' is unwanted and to leave you alone. Then there has to be 2 more incidences in a set period of time (and I'm talking 3 months ish not years and years) before the police will issue a warning but not officially. Then if contact continues you can apply for an harrasment order.

If it were me I would burn the letters and move on. If it continues frequently then it's a different story.

I don't normally mention spelling on forums, but this is one of those words that you don't see written down much so an easy mistake and one I hope you won't mind me correcting for future use! Its 'au fait', its French for 'of the fact' I think.

Gavin83

duchy wrote: »

Motive ? What are you on about ?
You assume wrongly.
You can imagine all you like but perhaps imagine how humiliating it would be not only to be informed by a stranger of something so devastating but then said stranger follows up by ringing you, not out of any concern for you but to demand to know what you are going to do about it. Would you not imagine Polly's actions to be kinder to all concerned.

The OP opened up this dialogue with the wife , and from his description when she rang him it didn't go as he expected and she defended her husband, now the unwelcome contact is coming from her he is complaining. Yes the letters to neighbours are not acceptable but a brief note saying his wife is no longer there and to cease and desist contacting the neighbours should end it.

Again you are adding things the OP hasn't said to turn it into a bigger deal than it is. It says in the OP the wife rung him and where did he say he was demanding to know what she was going to do? That's what I mean by motive. Have you been stung in the past in some way and this is bringing up bad memories?

Your second paragraph I do totally agree with however.

HighamKneeDee

Hi, I am not going to type too much because I have been out all day drinking, not with my usual crowd, and pondering. Thank you to those that can see my perspective (Annandale, you spring to mind as having a level thought process) and have stated so. To those that disagree I respect your position but will say despite your words I will do exactly as I did again tomorrow, if I had to.

I wrote to his wife for two purposes. To ensure he never got off scotfree , but as importantly to ensure his wife was no longer in a sad position of being the fool as I was. To repeat, we were acquaintances, I did not want to go into too much detail but we all had been out at a social event midst affair, he, she I and his wife, and my wife's friends. They all knew except me and his wife. You can just imagine the others had a warm glow of 'we know' . We each had each others numbers. My wife used to send his children birthday and Christmas presents each year, numbers were known as they used to call to thank us. I called him when I knew to tell him that I knew, despite his front and that he was happy dealing with any fall out that if I saw him again I'd happily wring his neck. It's a man thing!! He knew all the sad events my family had been through over the years yet despite this he, and my ex, were happy to keep chipping away at my faux happiness. That flipping hurts.

Duchy, I know I earlier said I'd not want to upset you, and I tried, but are you thick? Despite me even responding to your posts in order to correct them you still insist on posting factually incorrect versions of what I wrote. Are you dense or do you have a hidden agenda ?

I'm off to leave this site alone for a while. Thanks again to those of you that have posted and helped.