Past affair - Letters received, is it worth involving the police?

annandale

And if it wasn't his place to tell her then whose place was it? We don't actually know if anyone else knew about this affair.

duchy

Gavin83 wrote: »

I agree with this. Contacting the police is unnecessary. For some reason this is clearly an issue for her again and she, along with you are the innocent people in this. I think the fairest thing all round is to write back informing her of the above.

Agreed


What's your motive here? That's clearly not what he said. He said he felt the wife had a right to know and I agree with him. I'm assuming you don't agree as you seem to feel the best thing is for people to remain ignorance. I guess this is a matter of opinion but if my wife was having an affair I'd rather know. I'd imagine knowing you were the last to find out is as hurtful as the affair itself.

Motive ? What are you on about ?
You assume wrongly.
You can imagine all you like but perhaps imagine how humiliating it would be not only to be informed by a stranger of something so devastating but then said stranger follows up by ringing you, not out of any concern for you but to demand to know what you are going to do about it. Would you not imagine Polly's actions to be kinder to all concerned.

The OP opened up this dialogue with the wife , and from his description when she rang him it didn't go as he expected and she defended her husband, now the unwelcome contact is coming from her he is complaining. Yes the letters to neighbours are not acceptable but a brief note saying his wife is no longer there and to cease and desist contacting the neighbours should end it.

Andypandyboy

I feel for the OP, it cant be very pleasant having this raked up again years down the line, and who wants their dirty washing airing in public to their neighbours unless you are a JK type?

OP ring her and tell her that you are no longer with your wife and have no knowledge of her whereabouts. Then tell her that you are aware of the letter to neighbours and that you are extremely annoyed about it. I would mention the police as it may be enough to warn her off.

Pollycat

annandale wrote: »

She called him. It says in the opening paragraph that she called him and they spoke on the phone.

I have to admit that the bit from the first post confuses me:

HighamKneeDee wrote: »

A few years ago my wife had an affair with a long time acquaintance of ours that lived a long distance away meaning contact over 6 months was largely restricted to the telephone, texting and emails. I found out and whilst it was unknown to me for 6 weeks afterwards, I discovered who it was and I called him after I had written to this man's wife telling her of the affair. She was totally oblivious and she called me and we spoke for over an hour, her husband coming into the home as we chatted. We continued chatting as he stood there, I guess, and to my surprise she went some way to defending him.

The OP wrote to the wife, then called the man (why?). How did the conversation go?
What was she totally oblivious of?
Surely it couldn't be about the affair because the OP had written to her.
Why would the OP give his phone number to the wife of the man his wife was having an affair with?

annandale

The man was a long time acquaintance. Possibly the wife already had his phone number.

annandale

The OP didn't say at any stage that he called the wife demanding to know what she was going to do about it.

Surely before people post on here it would help to actually read what's been posted by the person who started the thread.

divadee

The police will do nothing at this stage. I have become ofay with harrasment orders and this in no way constitutes harrasment. For one you have to tell the person that the 'attention' is unwanted and to leave you alone. Then there has to be 2 more incidences in a set period of time (and I'm talking 3 months ish not years and years) before the police will issue a warning but not officially. Then if contact continues you can apply for an harrasment order.

If it were me I would burn the letters and move on. If it continues frequently then it's a different story.

elsien

divadee wrote: »

The police will do nothing at this stage. I have become ofay with harrasment orders and this in no way constitutes harrasment. For one you have to tell the person that the 'attention' is unwanted and to leave you alone. Then there has to be 2 more incidences in a set period of time (and I'm talking 3 months ish not years and years) before the police will issue a warning but not officially. Then if contact continues you can apply for an harrasment order.

That may be how it should work, but not always in practice. A relative was issued a harassment warning for emailing his exwife to sort out Christmas access arrangements. No warnings, no history of abuse, no cease and desist, the arrangements were as per a court agreement and the police made no attempt to get both sides of the story. Relative is exceedingly peed off by the unfairness of it all.

OP I'd just return any further letters without opening them.

divadee

elsien wrote: »

That may be how it should work, but not always in practice. A relative was issued a harassment warning for emailing his exwife to sort out Christmas access arrangements. No warnings, no history of abuse, no cease and desist, the arrangements were as per a court agreement and the police made no attempt to get both sides of the story. Relative is exceedingly peed off by the unfairness of it all.

OP I'd just return any further letters without opening them.

Well I wish your local police force were down here then!!! I have had to fight tooth and nail for one for my daughter who was being harassed, even the investigating officer wished they could of done more.

elsien

You wouldn't if you were the person being unjustly accused with no right of appeal.