Past affair - Letters received, is it worth involving the police?

gettingtheresometime

If I had a letter about an affair that one of my neighbours had years ago and resulted in their separation also years ago I would dismiss it as a letter from someone who had nothing else better to do with their time.

Personally from your perspective I would write back to the woman simply saying that as a result of the affair you and your wife separated years ago and therefore you class that as a period of your life that's closed.

barbarawright

Why did you write to her in the first place?

duchy

To make the husband pay .......it seems no one was too bothered if the wife was hurt by any of their actions.

I certainly know women who definitely know their husband cheats but for their own reasons (security, kids, denial etc) ignore it. The last thing they would want is to be confronted with facts they couldn't ignore. The fact the OP says she made excuses for her husband when he rang her (having already written to her , she probably felt he was labouring the point a bit doing both) points towards this stance and she probably deeply resented the OP sticking his nose in and blames him for any problems his revelation caused her. May sound batshit crazy but plenty of women will blame anyone rather than their cheating partner.

jackieblack

peachyprice wrote: »

You opened the can of worms, you decided to drag her into the situation because you wanted to punish her husband. You reap what you sow.

This is, word for word, exactly what I was going to post!

missbiggles1

I think the OP's explained quite well why he contacted the wife and I can't see how he can be said to have "started it" - surely that was done by his wife and her lover?

duchy

If all this happened years ago and it getting brought up still causes you deep distress rather than having fully put it behind you it might be worth considering a spot of counselling to clear the decks and move forward. You say this happened many years ago yet the wound seems to have reopened very easily and is still raw. Most people in your situation would wince momentarily at the memory then move on but you are allowing it to dictate your social arrangements and regular routine.

duchy

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I think the OP's explained quite well why he contacted the wife and I can't see how he can be said to have "started it" - surely that was done by his wife and her lover?

Yes he did. He said he was determined to make the husband pay. Pure revenge and no thought for what hurt it might cause the wife.

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

Yes he did. He said he was determined to make the husband pay. Pure revenge and no thought for what hurt it might cause the wife.

Even with the wrong motivations he did the right thing though, she had a right to know to make her own fully informed decision about her marriage.

annandale

So it's better that the affair had happened and the wife never find out about it?

annandale

He said nothing about making the husband pay. What he said was not letting him off scot free. Why put words into people's mouths?