Past affair - Letters received, is it worth involving the police?

annandale

She could have written to neighbours easily enough. Just random ones to try and embarrass the Op.

HighamKneeDee

duchy wrote: »

Someone who lives many miles away has written to your mate about a brief affair her husband had years ago with someone you used to be married to , and has possibly written to others , and you are too embarrassed to go to the pub ?

How would she even know who to write to ?
Does not compute

I'm sorry, what does not compute. She apparently has not written personally to my mate but rather addressed a letter to residents at his address. If you type a postcode into any site, for example where you may order from, you will be given a number of feasible addresses. What is so hard to work out?

HighamKneeDee

annandale wrote: »

She could have written to neighbours easily enough. Just random ones to try and embarrass the Op.

Thank you. Somebody with the ability for logical thinking. I don't mean to be rude to duchy but this is not pleasant and the last thing I need is somebody trying to question the details of my sorry event.

duchy

So she's written to "the occupant" about someone you used to be married to. If you received a letter like that about one of your neighbours would you take any notice or just bin it ?

Sorry but I think you are over reacting and certainly shouldn't hide away . Why do you think people would judge you based on the actions of a woman you divorced ?

So you go to the pub and see Jones from number 26 and he tells you he got a weird letter. You say yes you got one too , she's the wife of an acquaintance of my ex's and clearly doesn't know we split up years ago.

My bet is her husband is cheating again either with your ex or the wife thinks it might be her and is fishing. You've put the poor woman through enough by telling her her husband is a cheat (remember she hadn't done anything wrong ) and your letter probably devestated her so now you know how she felt . Ignoring it would probably be the best thing unless she writes again. Personally I'd mark it no longer at this address and send it back.

HighamKneeDee

duchy wrote: »

So she's written to "the occupant" about someone you used to be married to. If you received a letter like that about one of your neighbours would you take any notice or just bin it ?

Regardless of what I may do with it out of the 2 options you present, what's known cannot be unknown, or at least suspected. Given that my wife no longer lives with me after being there many years might be a pointer to perhaps, just perhaps, the details in the letter may have some substance. What is your point?

Your Edit

duchy wrote: »

Sorry but I think you are over reacting and certainly shouldn't hide away . Why do you think people would judge you based on the actions of a woman you divorced ?

I am pretty certain I'll not hide away forever but I am upset and too embarrassed at the minute to socialise today. I have text my neighbour and told him I won't be showing today. If there are letters abound then I am now considering again whether I go to the Police.

HighamKneeDee

duchy wrote: »

My bet is her husband is cheating again either with your ex or the wife thinks it might be her and is fishing. You've put the poor woman through enough by telling her her husband is a cheat (remember she hadn't done anything wrong ) and your letter probably devestated her so now you know how she felt . Ignoring it would probably be the best thing unless she writes again. Personally I'd mark it no longer at this address and send it back.

Possibly he is cheating again but why are you telling me that I've "put the poor woman through enough". I believe she had a right to know. It appears that lots of my wife's friends who were close to me knew. I was the last to find out and it hurt like hell. I also believe he should not get away with it. We are both devastated . I'm going to walk away from the thread for a bit now as I feel as if I am being vilified a little. I will come back later.

annandale

Doesn't justify writing to neighbours as far as I'm concerned.

LadyDee

I do hope you are not going to waste the time of the Police with this? If you hadn't started it all in the first place by involving the wife of the man involved it could all have fizzled out, and maybe even ended happily. Your motive could be seen as spiteful, why hurt this other man's wife? It was not your responsibility to decide whether she should know or not. Nobody imparting this sort of information gets thanked!

Nobody's vilifying you - just applying a little common sense. Bin the letter, put it behind you and get on with the rest of your life.

Pollycat

HighamKneeDee wrote: »

Hi Pollycat. No, my apologies, they do not contain threats at all, they are simply factual. I meant to put just the piece about them being hurtful posted by bouicca21 in Italics but it appears I may have done that to the whole lot, or not at all. So to be clear , there are no threats.

However, I have not long returned from the newsagents and I met my mate/neighbour. He too has received a letter about the same. He was not going to say anything but then best thought I be warned. He knew of the affair but not everybody does. I wonder how many other neighbours might too have received them. I think I'll be wise to avoid the pub at lunchtime.

Thank you for your post. I'm now concerned.

Apologies for misunderstanding.


I too would be questioning this woman's motives in dragging all this up again.
This sounds particularly nasty and vindictive.

However, the facts are that your wife had an affair, you threw her out, you have had no further dealings with her and don't know where she is.
Even if this woman has scatter-gunned your entire neighbourhood with her 'revelations', would it really be so embarrassing for you?
I certainly wouldn't let it stop me facing other people.
You are the innocent in all of this.

I'd write to this woman and tell her that you are no longer with your wife and you do not appreciate her writing to you and your neighbours raking up old muck.
Tell her if she continues, you will take further action.
You hurt her by telling her that your wife and her husband were having an affair but the 2 people really in the wrong were your wife and her husband.

I too think that these new letters may have been triggered by her husband straying again - but that is not your fault.

peachyprice

HighamKneeDee wrote: »

Thank you. Somebody with the ability for logical thinking. I don't mean to be rude to duchy but this is not pleasant and the last thing I need is somebody trying to question the details of my sorry event.

You opened the can of worms, you decided to drag her into the situation because you wanted to punish her husband. You reap what you sow.