Past affair - Letters received, is it worth involving the police?

annandale

Like jackanory on here at times. Everything grows arms and legs.

duchy

annandale wrote: »

So it's better that the affair had happened and the wife never find out about it?

The affair had already happened.
He told her not out of concern for her well being (or if he did he hasn't said so ) but because he wanted to ensure there were consequences for the husband as well as himself and his wife......making him pay/not getting off scot free amount to the same thing.

There is an argument to be made that informing the wife brought her no benefit and possible harm and his actions were not noble but merely wanting someone else to suffer too.

missbiggles1

duchy wrote: »

The affair had already happened.
He told her not out of concern for her well being (or if he did he hasn't said so ) but because he wanted to ensure there were consequences for the husband as well as himself and his wife......making him pay/not getting off scot free amount to the same thing.

There is an argument to be made that informing the wife brought her no benefit and possible harm and his actions were not noble but merely wanting someone else to suffer too.

Actually, he did.

" It appears that lots of my wife's friends who were close to me knew. I was the last to find out and it hurt like hell."

Gavin83

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Personally from your perspective I would write back to the woman simply saying that as a result of the affair you and your wife separated years ago and therefore you class that as a period of your life that's closed.

I agree with this. Contacting the police is unnecessary. For some reason this is clearly an issue for her again and she, along with you are the innocent people in this. I think the fairest thing all round is to write back informing her of the above.

duchy wrote: »

Yes he did. He said he was determined to make the husband pay. Pure revenge and no thought for what hurt it might cause the wife.

What's your motive here? That's clearly not what he said. He said he felt the wife had a right to know and I agree with him. I'm assuming you don't agree as you seem to feel the best thing is for people to remain ignorance. I guess this is a matter of opinion but if my wife was having an affair I'd rather know. I'd imagine knowing you were the last to find out is as hurtful as the affair itself.

harrys_nan

in other life on here, if the op hadn't let the wife know her husband was having an affair everyone would be saying, "Why haven't you told her" or words along those lines. Because he did it appears he is in the wrong.
I can't keep up on here sometimes, seems your damned if you do and damned if you don't.

annandale

The relevance of the affair having already happened is? Because it was over and done with the wife shouldn't ever know about it?

Better to be married to a cheat and never find out? As for making someone pay and not getting off scot free being the same thing that's your opinion
.

Pollycat

Gavin83 wrote: »

What's your motive here? That's clearly not what he said. He said he felt the wife had a right to know and I agree with him. I'm assuming you don't agree as you seem to feel the best thing is for people to remain ignorance. I guess this is a matter of opinion but if my wife was having an affair I'd rather know. I'd imagine knowing you were the last to find out is as hurtful as the affair itself.

Having been in that situation I really do wish any one of the people who knew about it had bothered to tell me - regardless of their motives.

When I caught my best friend (at the time) in a clinch with a mutual friend, she told me she was going to leave her husband (who was also a friend) but wasn't going to tell him until they were ready.

I told her that if she didn't tell him, I would.
She knew me well enough to know I meant what she said so she did tell him.
He was devastated and off-loaded on both me and my husband and I was very relieved that I could look him in the eye and tell him that I didn't know about the affair and had insisted they come clean as soon as I knew about it.

Other people may have dealt with the situation differently but I felt I couldn't be party to a deception.
The OP did say the other bloke was a mutual aquaintance.

duchy

Post 37


No the relevance is he was no friend to the wife and it wasn't his place to one tell her and if he did that should have been the end of it not following it up with at least one maybe more phone calls.

I can understand feeling she had a moral right to know (even if my own feeling is it isn't always the right thing to do). What I don't understand is why he contacted her by phone having already written to her . Once she knew it was her business to deal with the matter as she deemed fit and not any of his business just as how the OP dealt with his own wife was entirely his.

Proxima_Centauri

annandale wrote: »

Like jackanory on here at times. Everything grows arms and legs.

:rotfl: Yes, I've noticed that.


OP, I don't think a crime has been committed here, but obviously something is going on if the woman is digging up old correspondence from years ago and writing to/trying to involve your neighbours. Defamation of character possibly? I too would be embarrassed that the neighbours are being drawn into something that's not their business, and concerned as to what her next actions might be.

annandale

She called him. It says in the opening paragraph that she called him and they spoke on the phone.