OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

caprikid1

Whilst it is great to seek legal advice, you really need to TALK about this as much as possible before any solicitors are involved. Whilst its important to understand what you are BOTH legally entitled too its also important to understand how you BOTH think this will work.


Hopefully you will BOTH have realistic expectations and this can all be sorted out amicably.


Good Luck

zippy1997

Thanks. I am hoping we can do that. We NEED to do that. Talking by email won't work from now on!

The debts we have make things a little harder as we're joined by those and they have to be paid from any house sale, meaning less cash for both of us to leave with.

I think once this is out in the open it will be easier to deal with. Keeping it a secret is making things harder.

zippy1997

Part of my problem is that I've never been alone before to deal with things. I went from my parents house, to sharing with my sister, to marriage.

I've always admired women who can do everything on their own and I guess I'm going to find out how they do it!

Person_one

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Threatening suicide (without meaning it) is just plan cruel and manipulative - emotional blackmail.

Yes, you may be depressed so go and see a doctor. Doing nothing hasn't worked so far has it?

You have to find a way to accept that change will happen - it's been on the cards for years from what you've described.

This is an opportunity for a new start - to find something more fulfilling and not just ignoring the bad stuff. Taking control can actually be very liberating.

But please stop with the emotional blackmail - it'll just make things ugly and that won't help anything.

I think this is very harsh, the OP has already said that it wasn't said as a threat or manipulation but that she was genuinely having those thoughts and feelings. That means she needs support and compassion, not accusations like this.

duchy

First of all if you are married he doesn't "own everything" all your assets are assets of the marriage and jointly owned.

Get in touch with your local citizens advice for general advice but also contact your local college about courses they may run with back to employment skills. Whether that is CV building, interview skills and the like or specific skills like word processing or spreadsheets and the like. You might even want to investigate self employment , there's a lot of talk about dog sitters and dog walkers. If you live in an area where there is a demand for such services maybe you could be the person supplying the service, for example.

Yes the whole situation is big and scary but ultimately it doesn't sound like a happy marriage and once out you may very well feel splitting up was the very best thing for you both and you are happier. I met my fianc! when I was fifty. He was the icing on the cake, I was happier separated from my husband once I'd got over the split but didn't expect to meet anyone else and settle down again, but it does happen. I was perfectly happy single though and certainly wasn't actively looking.

You are on the threshold of many new possibilities,it's a new start as well as an end. Yes it will be different, but it may indeed be better. (Frankly anything to me would be better than a man who thinks email is the way to discuss your relationship)

As for your daughter, she's sixteen , she's more than capable of taking the dog out , in less than two years she could be living away at uni, learning to take a little responsibility now will equip her better for this , as you said going from parents to marriage didn't do you any favours with independence skills and attitude. My future DILs twelve year takes the dog out when he gets in from school on the days she works , for a sixteen year old, no problem.

heartbreak_star

annandale wrote: »

There is something very wrong when you communicate wanting a divorce via email. Seriously start talking to one another.

It's not always that easy. Myself and my ex-OH broke up via text as we genuinely could not talk face-to-face...

Good luck OP, I hope you do manage to work things out cleanly.

HBS x

paddy's_mum

zippy1997 wrote: »

we do things that way, not healthy, I know

In fairness, the OP has already stated that they do such things via email so it's both of them, not just Mr Zippy.

zippy1997

Person_one wrote: »

I think this is very harsh, the OP has already said that it wasn't said as a threat or manipulation but that she was genuinely having those thoughts and feelings. That means she needs support and compassion, not accusations like this.

I can see where that poster was coming from. and I had never actually thought about it that way. If I thought my Dr would help it would be an option. They're not very approachable and I wouldn't know where to start explaining it to them.

tea_lover

OP, I won't add to the good, practical advice you're getting but just wanted to say that you can always contact Samaritans if you do need someone to talk to. You don't have to be feeling suicidal to call them, they're always available if you just need a friendly voice to listen. They won't tell you what to do and they won't solve your problems, but they will listen and make time for you.

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

You might even want to investigate self employment , there's a lot of talk about dog sitters and dog walkers. If you live in an area where there is a demand for such services maybe you could be the person supplying the service, for example.

I think this is a great idea, dog walkers have never been so in demand, and you are clearly a dog lover which will make owners feel comfortable using you. You can make yourself stand out from the 'pack' by being more flexible for shift workers, offering home boarding etc.