OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

annandale

You can pay someone to walk your dog, there are plenty of people who employ dog walkers around their work commitments.

kazwookie

Working full time is doable, either work locally so you can pop back, or engage the services of a dog walker / local neighbour who would be happy to pop in.

Get some legal advise over everything, money / house /pension etc

Guest101

It doesn't sound like your husband is putting you on the streets, but he does have a right to choose how he lives his life.


So the best advice is to think about what you want

pmlindyloo

There is absolutely no reason why you can't start looking for a job now. Being proactive will stop you feeling too down about this. Put together your CV with your qualifications, work experience. Don't worry about not working for ages.

The go out and hand in your CV to all the supermarkets, shops. Go into agencies. Do not be fussy, just take any job that is offered. Christmas is a good time to be looking for work.

As regards the dog, have you a neighbour who could help? Your kids should be on holiday soon so they can help out.

Try to sort out the finances with your husband. Despite not working it will usually start as a 50/50 split. Go and get some advice from CAB in the first instance if he refuses to discuss things.

Basically there are 3 ways to sort out a divorce:
Agree between you and then DIY divorce
Seek mediation and make an agreement then DIY divorce
Get a solicitor and go to court

You can do this. Yes, it's scary but you are lucky in that you have a house with equity in it. Make a list of everything you are concerned about and then sit down with your husband and sort things out.

zippy1997

annandale wrote: »

There is something very wrong when you communicate wanting a divorce via email. Seriously start talking to one another.

I know. So far he only wants a separation but I know divorce is coming. We've always been bad at communicating. Usually it comes to a head and we then talk about it.

zippy1997

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Threatening suicide (without meaning it) is just plan cruel and manipulative - emotional blackmail.

Yes, you may be depressed so go and see a doctor. Doing nothing hasn't worked so far has it?

You have to find a way to accept that change will happen - it's been on the cards for years from what you've described.

This is an opportunity for a new start - to find something more fulfilling and not just ignoring the bad stuff. Taking control can actually be very liberating.

But please stop with the emotional blackmail - it'll just make things ugly and that won't help anything.

I agree about the suicide talk. I didn't mean to at the time but I was a little unstable at times during PMS (got worse after having the kids). I haven't mentioned that in quite a while. And won't.

Yes I know change will happen. It's not going away this time. Just as I said, I thought we were ticking over but as usual we weren't talking about the real things.
I know I should see this as a positive and in time I will no doubt. Right now it's making my head spin thinking about everything to sort out. Hopefully when he gets home tonight we can actually TALK.

zippy1997

Guest101 wrote: »

It doesn't sound like your husband is putting you on the streets, but he does have a right to choose how he lives his life.


So the best advice is to think about what you want

Oh yes he's being reasonable about this. Can't disagree there.
I just wish he'd actually mentioned things a while ago so we could have started sorting out the future.

That's my problem really. I don't know what I want! I know what I NEED. A job, money to pay the bills.

zippy1997

kazwookie wrote: »

Working full time is doable, either work locally so you can pop back, or engage the services of a dog walker / local neighbour who would be happy to pop in.

Get some legal advise over everything, money / house /pension etc

I have thought about trying to locate work closer to home. So I can just pop back etc.. That would be ideal, but I know nothing always works out that way.
I need to find out what sort of work I can get and then decide whether things are really doable with the dog.

paddy's_mum

zippy1997 wrote: »

OH pays for everything and owns everything.

Very much not so! All possessions are highly likely to be viewed as 'assets of the marriage' irrespective of who paid for them if and when this reaches the divorce court.

It strikes me quite strongly that you are so frantic about who-what-where-and-when that you are not seeking to find out good solid facts. May I suggest that you find a copy of a good guide to divorce in your local library and read up on the practicalities.

Things can be worked out to the (relative) satisfaction of all involved but perhaps not while anyone is running around like a headless chicken

On the question of the dog, would it be worth trying to find a foster-home for him while all the inevitable disruption is going on? I do appreciate that such a course of action might be emotionally very upsetting for you but might be the kinder thing to do for the welfare of the dog itself. I wish all of you luck and a happier future.

zippy1997

I think I know deep down what you're saying about the 50/50 split with assets etc. but it's the reality. I've been a lazy bum and I know it.

I should have got a job yrs ago but as I said he was happy with the way things were and my confidence is kinda shot. I'm hoping that by getting even a part time job it will help with that. The job itself doesn't faze me as once I get to know people I'm quite chatty but actually going to interview etc. is the worrying thing. I'm not good with first impressions!

I have looked online and there are a couple of jobs at Lidl locally which would work, as popping back during a lunch break is doable. I will look online later at the job centre vacancies. Night work would be another option. Then I'd be here during the day to let the dog out. Leaving my daughter on her own during the night is at the back of my mind though...

I have thought about the dog and the situation, but my daughter dotes on him and even though she's 16 she's the younger type of 16 and very emotional. That could work out worse.
It's funny. I think OH and I could be great friends at the end of this if we can stay civil. I'd like that for the kids sake. And mine.