OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

zippy1997

duchy wrote: »

The kids might surprise you. Your kids aren't blind and they know neither you nor your husband are happy (and may be comparing your marriage with friends parents who haven't grown apart) and see it as a positive thing. Your son has probably broadened his horizons at uni and has friends with divorced parents who split the vacations between two homes. Your daughter may need reassurance that she can stay at college without moving home or at least staying in the same area. This is something you and your husband should have discussed and agreed upon before telling her. Her first question may very well be Do I have to move ? You and your husband should have a clear answer with time scale for this to give her.

The more confident you both are about how it is all going to work, the easier it will be on the kids as they will naturally have questions.

I hope they do surprise me. I really do. My daughter is the emotional one. Hopefully my son will take it OK as he will obviously be going back to Uni in the new year.

I agree, we need to come up with a plan before we tell them. I don't want my daughter to worry about things like where she will be living etc..
Trouble is, neither me or OH are confident about anything I feel. When asked about selling the house all OH could say was he wasn't sure. I would like to wait until DD is at least 18 and finished studies at college. Obviously that's an ideal situation but might not be possible.

zippy1997

dktreesea wrote: »

Is he going to be able to sell the house straight away? How old are your children? If you have children under the age of 18 still in education I thought he wouldn't be able to sell it?


If the house is just in his name, imho you will need to get a solicitor involved to look after your interests. Once people have decided to end their marriage, they can sometimes become quite unscrupulous. A friend of mine has been going through this. His attitude in her case is he owns the house and he wants her out. She's refusing to budge and has changed all the locks. There's a restraining order out against him, because he was harassing her, even going to her work. She has children. His solicitor is arguing that she has made no financial contribution to the marriage so is not entitled to half the proceeds from the sale of the house. How he's arguing this goodness knows because she works and has done for many years, part time when the children were younger.


My friend lives in England, The court is in the process of granting her a mesher order. We don't seem to have these in Scotland - I've never heard of it, but she says it means the house can't be sold until the youngest reaches 18 if still in full time education.

We have a joint mortgage. OH wants to be fair and unless something drastic happens I see no reason this won't happen, but yes I will be getting advice. At the moment I'm wrapped up with looking for and getting a job.

zippy1997

ViolaLass wrote: »

It was such a relief when my parents finally got divorced. We kids had gone through the 'sad' phase many years before.

Sorry to hear that. Not sure how my kids will react. I know I will cry, although will try not to.

annandale

That is why you need legal advice, re the house and financial issues.

zippy1997

Had another phone interview this morning. I think it went as well as it could, although I didn't do my homework on the company like I should have. Could count against me. I hope not.

Drs this afternoon. First the worry of finding a parking space so as not to be late! then how to proceed with the Dr. I've written notes so I remember what to say.

ViolaLass

You can't delay finding legal advice until you've sorted everything else. It needs to happen soon.

zippy1997

I've inquired with 2 solicitors today about prices and appointments. One has come back, is £120 for an hour a good price?

thorsoak

As long as you've made sure that this particular solicitor is an expert in divorce/separation xxx

ViolaLass

zippy1997 wrote: »

Sorry to hear that. Not sure how my kids will react. I know I will cry, although will try not to.

My point was that it was my parents' crappy relationship that made me sad, not them getting divorced. I imagine your kids are already aware that you two don't have a great relationship.

zippy1997

ViolaLass wrote: »

My point was that it was my parents' crappy relationship that made me sad, not them getting divorced. I imagine your kids are already aware that you two don't have a great relationship.

Oh sorry, I misunderstood.