OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

zippy1997

I'm having real trouble this evening.
Still can't believe what's happening.

leespot

Might it be better to tell the kids after Christmas? They will need support from you but your health is also important too.

justme111

Xx
You doing well

zippy1997

leespot wrote: »

Might it be better to tell the kids after Christmas? They will need support from you but your health is also important too.

I have thought about that, but that would mean more acting...by everyone. Specially on Xmas day at my dads house and then boxing day at his parents. Not sure what to do. It's too near Xmas.

zippy1997

justme111 wrote: »

Xx
You doing well

I'm trying. I need and want to be strong for my daughter (and son when he comes back) but it's not getting easier. Hopefully the Drs can help tomorrow. I can't keep burdening my sister.
My OH just wants to move out and is very compartmentalized with everything his emotions don't seem to be at the surface. Or he's past that point.

whitewing

Why not get your parents and in laws together and tell them before you tell the children? Then decide between you all when to tell the children.

I'm all for not living a lie but I wonder if it is right to tell the children when their friends will be caught up with own families in the run up to Christmas.

I am so sorry for you all.

zippy1997

whitewing wrote: »

Why not get your parents and in laws together and tell them before you tell the children? Then decide between you all when to tell the children.

I'm all for not living a lie but I wonder if it is right to tell the children when their friends will be caught up with own families in the run up to Christmas.

I am so sorry for you all.

I have no doubt if we asked all the parents to 'act' for the days involved they would. But trying to keep smiling when all I want to do is cry (sometimes) is tough now, Xmas day could be worse. Plus all it would take is one comment out of place and it could be blown open. But I know it's not about me, I'm just concerned we'll ruin Xmas whether we tell them before or after.

OH showed me some financial stuff last night and I'm still down about that. I don't think he's thought this through past moving out. And I know the kids are older (DS is an adult) but we're still ripping up everything they've ever known and that's tough. If it upsets me I can't think how they'll handle it.

duchy

The kids might surprise you. Your kids aren't blind and they know neither you nor your husband are happy (and may be comparing your marriage with friends parents who haven't grown apart) and see it as a positive thing. Your son has probably broadened his horizons at uni and has friends with divorced parents who split the vacations between two homes. Your daughter may need reassurance that she can stay at college without moving home or at least staying in the same area. This is something you and your husband should have discussed and agreed upon before telling her. Her first question may very well be Do I have to move ? You and your husband should have a clear answer with time scale for this to give her.

The more confident you both are about how it is all going to work, the easier it will be on the kids as they will naturally have questions.

dktreesea

zippy1997 wrote: »

The 2nd interview - face to face - was a joke! A 21 yr old sales guy who had all the patter down, was trying to sell me the job, was late, and swore twice! I wouldn't even buy products from them let alone work for them!

The phone interview resulted in a branch interview on Thurs. So that's something.
I have another phone interview tomorrow plus a Dr's appointment to try and get some counselling.

It's been a funny day, some times I'm up then I'm down. Tonight OH wanted to talk about finances and I just had to walk away once he started to talk about selling the house. I know it has to be done but it's still raw right now and moving out is one thing but selling will take time to stomach.

We haven't even told the kids yet. That's at the weekend. I hope anyway. Leaving it later (too near Christmas) would be very cruel. I'm sure neither have any clue what's about to happen. And that's something I'm having trouble dealing with.

Is he going to be able to sell the house straight away? How old are your children? If you have children under the age of 18 still in education I thought he wouldn't be able to sell it?


If the house is just in his name, imho you will need to get a solicitor involved to look after your interests. Once people have decided to end their marriage, they can sometimes become quite unscrupulous. A friend of mine has been going through this. His attitude in her case is he owns the house and he wants her out. She's refusing to budge and has changed all the locks. There's a restraining order out against him, because he was harassing her, even going to her work. She has children. His solicitor is arguing that she has made no financial contribution to the marriage so is not entitled to half the proceeds from the sale of the house. How he's arguing this goodness knows because she works and has done for many years, part time when the children were younger.


My friend lives in England, The court is in the process of granting her a mesher order. We don't seem to have these in Scotland - I've never heard of it, but she says it means the house can't be sold until the youngest reaches 18 if still in full time education.

ViolaLass

It was such a relief when my parents finally got divorced. We kids had gone through the 'sad' phase many years before.