Paris Metro ticket - possible proof of an affair

Knightsuntold

Malthusian wrote: »

The "other woman" is quite clearly not right upstairs, and I would never dream of giving her even a shred of credence over the person I loved.

Apart from all the things you've listed, the fact that her necklace was identical to yours is really weird. Men do not buy the same necklace for their mistress that they buy for their wife. If they are cheating it means they want to be with someone else, they don't try and pretend that other person is their wife by making them wear the same jewellery.

From the behavior you've described she was stalking you as much as she was stalking your partner.

This is another thing that makes no sense. She was brilliant at her job, and a massive help to my partner - more than once, he said he'd be lost without her as his assistant. He was always recommending her for awards and helped her to secure a number of jumps in grade, and associated pay-rises. She was friendly, efficient and we got on well. We even met up for lunch a couple of times. Before this, I wouldn't have said that she wasn't quite right upstairs.

I beg to differ on the jewellery - my friend who is having an affair buys this wife and his mistress exactly the same thing to, in his words, "keep it simple".

Yes, I agree - there was a stalking quality to it, after the revelations, but again, not a shred of solid proof that it was actually her.

Gloomendoom

Malthusian wrote: »

Most people off on a secret trip to Paris with their mistress would not be taking photos of them for them to post on Facebook. That sounds a pretty moronic thing to do for someone who's successfully concealed their cheating for several years.

That's just most people though. It still leaves a minority who would.

Years ago, a colleague of mine lost both his job and wife when he let himself and his mistress be interviewed on national TV while visiting the boat show in London.

His wife thought he was on a business trip and we thought he was sick at home.

paddy's_mum

I have felt for a very long time that the expression 'no such thing as coincidence' (which incidentally I heard only minutes ago from a speaker on the Jeremy Vine show) is on a par with that totally evil expression 'no smoke without fire'.

One or two of the threads I have started on here concern some of the stunningly unbelievable coincidences that have cropped up in my life in recent years and I have also experienced at first hand the damage done by the baseless suspicion/accusation inflicted on innocent people by that nasty little innuendo re smoke.

Only last week, I bought a charity shop book and on opening it once home, an airline boarding pass from March fell out. A previous reader had used it as a bookmark.

Imagine the trouble that might have caused in the wrong hands and with a background of matrimonial uncertainty!

z1a

Malthusian wrote: »

I had a look at Paris Metro tickets on Google Images and there's one which has been stamped with a similar number (67 at the beginning) that ends with the number 23. So unfortunately, I think it's a coincidence.

Ah well, thought it was a long shot.

Knightsuntold

duchy wrote: »

So the only "proof" you have of a suspected affair is the word of a woman who has a grudge against your husband and you know she's a liar with the hotel slip up. Logically if there were times they spent the night together then she wouldn't have had to invent others (like the one you know she lied to you about)

Why would you believe someone like that instead of your husband who you've never found to be deceitful and isn't a habitual liar or fantasist. (Not just yours and your husband's opinion but also that of someone else who worked with her ( in my experience people in a work environment tend to keep their heads down and not get involved in domestic situations so I'd listen if she said the woman had form for this sort of stuff)

To talk about ending your marriage on the basis of a carnet ticket (most people who buy one don't use them all ) does sound bonkers.

I don't think you have a husband problem but I do think a bit of counselling might help you keep things in better perspective and be good for you and your relationships.

I do get it , when my husband cheated I struggled with trust and wouldn't get involved with anyone for a long time ......when I caught my next partner out cheating, my primary emotion was relief that I had been picking up on signs and my suspicions of him were justified and not me not trusting him for no reason as he claimed. I'm now with someone who would never cheat and I trust him implicitly , you can get over trust issues but you have to want to tooand not be overprotective of yourself , which is where I think counselling would benefit you after all she put you both through which ate away at your already battered trustfulness.

That, and potentially a ticket, that was purchased in Paris, in my partner's bag, when he denies that he's ever been there, but he was AWOL on the appropriate week, with minimal contact. There is also the question of why would the woman have such a grudge against my partner, in the first place. Would a rejected kiss, or a job transfer that he had nothing to do with, warrant such behaviour in someone who, up to that point, had been a rising star? Plus, why would I listen to one woman, and not the other? I just don't know - I feel as though there's a piece missing.

Yes, counselling is an option, but I don't think it will help with this particular element.

fairy_lights

Knightsuntold wrote: »

That, and potentially a ticket, that was purchased in Paris, in my partner's bag, when he denies that he's ever been there, but he was AWOL on the appropriate week, with minimal contact. There is also the question of why would the woman have such a grudge against my partner, in the first place. Would a rejected kiss, or a job transfer that he had nothing to do with, warrant such behaviour in someone who, up to that point, had been a rising star? Plus, why would I listen to one woman, and not the other? I just don't know - I feel as though there's a piece missing.

Yes, counselling is an option, but I don't think it will help with this particular element.

It sounds like there are strong arguments to suggest he did have the affair, but equally strong reasons to think the woman was making it up.
Maybe show your husband the ticket and see how he reacts - don't mention that there is a possibility his mother had borrowed the bag. If he did have the affair he won't really be able to talk his way out of it, but if he's innocent he might have an equally innocent explanation.

Proxima_Centauri

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

She sounds like a nutter.

Even if he did stray with, he'd never stray again for fear of ending up with the ultimate bunny boiler.

To be honest, I'm surprised the Police weren't involved, if the description of the car being vandalised, the hoax complaint calls to his company and the 36 texts on one day are anything to go by.

Pollycat

Knightsuntold wrote: »

Would a rejected kiss, or a job transfer that he had nothing to do with, warrant such behaviour in someone who, up to that point, had been a rising star? Plus, why would I listen to one woman, and not the other? I just don't know - I feel as though there's a piece missing.

You only have to listen to the news or read the papers to know that the answer is 'yes', it can take that little to set someone off.

Surely it's not just a case of which woman you believe. Your husband says he didn't have an affair.
Why are you believing one woman instead if a different woman and your partner?

Proxima_Centauri wrote: »

To be honest, I'm surprised the Police weren't involved, if the description of the car being vandalised, the hoax complaint calls to his company and the 36 texts on one day are anything to go by.

Me too.

cashewnut

She's a bona fide nutcase. No way should you believe her. I'm also surprised you weren't concerned about your safety given her bizarre actions!

Knightsuntold

Malthusian wrote: »

One thing you've not told us is why you think your partner was cheating on you in the first place. You said that this woman was in Paris while your partner was away on business. You didn't say why you thought he was cheating with her in particular as opposed to the dozens of other acquaintances who weren't at home during the same dates. I ask not just out of nosiness but it's amazing how something can be put in a completely different light when you explain it to other people.

Most people off on a secret trip to Paris with their mistress would not be taking photos of them for them to post on Facebook. That sounds a pretty moronic thing to do for someone who's successfully concealed their cheating for several years.

At first, I didn't think that my partner was cheating. He went on a business trip, as usual, with a packed bag of suits and casual clothes. Nothing unusual there. He was quieter than normal, but I received an e-mail saying that his hotel was in an area with poor coverage, and he thought his phone was on the blink. We communicated by e-mail, with big gaps in between, but I put that down to e-mailing when there was WIFI available, and I knew that he had a tough agenda ahead of him. One odd thing that I do remember is when he got home, I found a strange shirt in his washing, which wasn't his taste. He told me that he'd dropped a fried egg sandwich down the front of his shirt, and he'd had to buy a new one in a hurry, before a meeting. At that point, he told me to go and get my gladrags on, as he was taking me out to dinner, and he would sort the washing out. I didn't think anything of it.

Fast-forward to the conversation with the potential other woman, and she gleefully told me about their trip to Paris, holding no details back. I remembered seeing some photos on social media, so as soon as I got home, I checked. The dates tied in with that business trip, which I was able to confirm from his e-mails. There are other bits and pieces too, but I'm very aware that I could be making them fit.