Paris Metro ticket - possible proof of an affair

cashewnut

What a nasty piece of work she sounds! Hopefully just a fantasist - if she's saying she was with your partner when you know it was you in his room, not her, then you know she's capable of telling whoppers.

Knightsuntold

tea_lover wrote: »

It's hard to appreciate just how much this can affect you, how much it messes with your head. To find out your entire life with someone is a complete lie totally out of the blue is horrific, then to continue to be lied to and know that you never have the full truth.... it destroys you, and it certainly destroys any chance of believing other people again.

It was horrific. I lost my man, my home, my entire social group - looking back, I don't know how I made it through. I confided in what I thought was a friend, and she was feeding all the information back. There were a fair amount of phone calls, asking how I was, but they either wanted the gruesome details, or to tell me that they'd never liked him, or to tell me that he'd tried it on with them. I couldn't trust any of them. There is nothing quite so humiliating as standing in the middle of a group of people, that you care deeply for, and realising that they know everything, and you know nothing. There was only man who approached me, and had the guts to tell me that it had been going on for years. I screamed at him and asked why the hell no one had told me. His response was "how do you tell a lovely person something that is going to blow their world apart, and change them for ever." How right he was.

Pollycat

Knightsuntold wrote: »

Yes, you've got it.

I know the majority of people on here think I'm barking. The reason that I thought my partner did have an affair, was because the potential other woman contacted me direct, and told me. She was one of his assistants in work, a younger and very beautiful woman. The evidence that she presented me with was overwhelming, even down to a significant scar that my partner has. She listed all the times that he had taken her away on business trips. She handed me a phone, which was full of messages that were supposed to be from him - a different number, but all signed off in the way he signs off his text messages. She even said that he'd bought her a necklace, which was identical to mine, and she was wearing at the time. The only thing she slipped up on, was saying that she'd been with him at a certain hotel, and I knew she couldn't have been, as I was, but it was on the quiet. I literally hid from his work colleagues, as the company wouldn't have been happy. It didn't help that on the week she said they were in Paris, his phone packed up, and contact was only a few sketchy e-mails, at odd hours.

You can imagine the fall out from that. My partner admitted that she'd tried to kiss him at a Christmas party, and he'd knocked her back. He didn't tell me, because he didn't want me to worry, and he'd blamed it on an excess of booze. After that, the company went through a streamlining process, and she was transferred to a different office, with a considerable commute and a less prestige job. She blamed my partner, although the decision wasn't his and he had no part in it. She said that she would get him back for it. We went through a very dark six months. The reality is that she had access to his work diary, booked the hotels for him, and did go on several trips, although in her own room. Other details could have been found on my social media page, as we had friends in common, and there is a picture taken on Christmas Day of the necklace, and a picture of my partner on the beach, with a tan, so the scar is pretty obvious.

That may go some way to explaining why I'm so paranoid about this ticket.

Ah!

This additional information does put a slightly different shine on the situation.

But I think the key thing is the bit in bold.
It's possible that she was a bunny boiler, rejected and out for revenge.

I didn't think you were 'barking', by the way.

I hope you manage to get past this (totally understandable, at least by me) distrust.

k3lvc

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

I've got two unused Paris metro tickets from a "carnet" I bought fifteen years ago and are still in my wallet (more as a reminder of a very happy time than for future use). They both have numbers in that format printed on them - eight numbers starting with 67 then a gap before two more, and the numbers on both tickets are identical. So it seems they are manufacturing numbers rather than usage numbers, the little newstand we bought them from didn't have printing facilities, though I do recall the vendor politely corrected my attempted pronunciation of carnet :rotfl:

And I'm in Paris at the moment with my more recently purchased (prob 6 months ago) carnet in front of me and I certainly wouldn't be putting any credence on timings/code readings from tickets.


To the OP I'd be concentrating on the current/future rather than looking to pick holes in the past - obviously all men are !!!!!!!s/not to be trusted etc (I speak as one) but you'll get your answers from current behaviour/monitoring if that's what you choose to do

paddy's_mum

Knightsuntold wrote: »

I know the majority of people on here think I'm barking

wrong!!!

Only those few who don't know how it feels to have one's everything almost destroyed by some utterly selfish swine (of either gender) who has puuped on you from a great height...but you have survived the fall-out and lived to tell the tale.

Those who have been-there-done-that understand completely and the opinion/advice of those who have not (as yet ) experienced it doesn't count for much.

Pain is not made less in the human heart just because millions of other people have also already experienced it. If you are truly "barking" then so am I so welcome to my world. :rotfl:

Knightsuntold

thorsoak wrote: »

You have to decide now : either the fact that you - understandably - have severe problems with trusting him wll inevitably going to destroy your partnership, or you put it all in the past and live in the here and now.

I do think that this find (from so long ago) is just the catalyst which will precipitate your decision.

Most of the time, yes I do, but this ticket has knocked me for six. I guess it's the fear that she was telling the truth, and I've been had over again.

fairy_lights

Knightsuntold wrote: »

I know the majority of people on here think I'm barking. The reason that I thought my partner did have an affair, was because the potential other woman contacted me direct, and told me. She was one of his assistants in work, a younger and very beautiful woman. The evidence that she presented me with was overwhelming, even down to a significant scar that my partner has. She listed all the times that he had taken her away on business trips. She handed me a phone, which was full of messages that were supposed to be from him - a different number, but all signed off in the way he signs off his text messages. She even said that he'd bought her a necklace, which was identical to mine, and she was wearing at the time. The only thing she slipped up on, was saying that she'd been with him at a certain hotel, and I knew she couldn't have been, as I was, but it was on the quiet. I literally hid from his work colleagues, as the company wouldn't have been happy. It didn't help that on the week she said they were in Paris, his phone packed up, and contact was only a few sketchy e-mails, at odd hours.

That is all pretty damning evidence, I don't blame you for feeling insecure, I don't think I would know what to believe if faced with all that.
How did the other woman react when her plan failed and she didn't break you up? If she really is a total psycho I can't imagine she would have backed off quietly.

Knightsuntold

Mr_Toad wrote: »

I'm not belittling what you are feeling or going through but take a step back and consider the situation.

If you leave ask yourself if the next relationship will be any different, or the next?

If you're mind works in a particular way then you will always find something suspicious to worry about.

Speaking as someone who has dated a woman with trust issues it can be difficult in fact impossible.

In my case she couldn't cope with the fact that I don't have a set pattern or routine. She would have been happier if I'd been sitting behind a desk all day so she knew exactly where I was at any given time.

I don't have a routine, I do things as and when I feel like it and often on the spur of the moment, I rarely make plans.

When we were together it wasn't long before I realised that the conversation was always skirting around where I'd been, what I was doing, my reasons for being there and who I was with.

I thought I was imagining it at first so I started leaving a gap in the day when we talked and the lengths she'd go to find out what I'd been doing in that missing time!

It was worse if I didn't respond instantly to a text message or I missed a call. Yes I have a phone but I don't carry it round in my hand or even my pocket, it can spend hours in another room or it might get left in the car and I only go looking for it when I want to use it. She could never understand this, as far as she was concerned it should never leave your side in case someone wants you.

You can't make someone trust you, often the harder you try the more they think you're hiding something. What you see as kindness and trying to reassure them they see as you hiding something.

If you're with someone who would never let you down a lack of trust and suspicion is as sure way to destroy a relationship as any infidelity.

That's exactly how I'm trying not to be. I can see that your behaviour (that sounds accusatory, but I don't mean it to be, and I can't think of a different way to put it) would make her situation worse - you had an established pattern, which you then changed by putting a gap in the day, with presumably no explanation. OK, you meant that the gap to be testing, but for her it's no different to gap caused by someone losing interest or cheating, which ramps up the anxiety and the need to know. A vicious circle.

On the other-hand, I do have friends who will never trust their partner, no matter one they do, and others that are the receiving end of it. One has admitted that she wishes she could keep her husband locked in the cellar, and have a machine to read his thoughts. The terrifying thing is that she can't see what is wrong with that scenario.

Knightsuntold

cashewnut wrote: »

What a nasty piece of work she sounds! Hopefully just a fantasist - if she's saying she was with your partner when you know it was you in his room, not her, then you know she's capable of telling whoppers.

I still can't quite believe it. She was sat there as cool as a cucumber, laying all the facts out, and I was sat there trying not to throw up, wet myself or cause a massive scene, with this awful rushing sound in my ears. I couldn't think quick enough, and although she left the paperwork, I didn't keep hold of the phone. She's definitely capable of telling whoppers, and that's something I'm clinging on to. The truly frightening thing there is that if it hadn't been a significant date (our anniversary), I a) wouldn't have been with him at all, and b) wouldn't have remembered it.

This is the stuff you see on the telly or happens to other people - not me.

rach_k

Why don't you ask MIL which bag she used when she went to Paris? If you don't want to mention the ticket, say you found some Euros or something in it so you're wondering if they could be hers (you might have to be prepared to hand the money over if you go with that option!), as you think your partner had a new bag by then.