Paris Metro ticket - possible proof of an affair

Knightsuntold

anotheruser wrote: »

Or ask the mother in law if she's ever been to Paris?

It's okay to be suspicious but if you let it hang over your life for years, you have to decide if it's really worth it...

She has definitely been, but that was some time ago. If I could prove that this ticket was from more than two years ago, that would be an end to the problem. If it was from two years ago, that would be the end of my relationship.

tea_lover

Knightsuntold wrote: »

Believe me, if I could have found a Metro Ticket Forum, I would have been on there! I thought I was ok to post on here, as if this is what I think it is, my relationship is over. I'm sorry if I've got that wrong.

I'm worried about showing him the ticket. I don't want a "not this again" reaction, if I'm wrong, which I could be. On top of that, I remember what my ex was like. He was so plausible, and convincing, even though it was a pack of lies. Every time I thought I had the truth, more things would come out of the woodwork, literally days later. It was like that for months. Even now, 20 years on, I'm still finding things out. So much secrecy, and so many lies.

It's hard to appreciate just how much this can affect you, how much it messes with your head. To find out your entire life with someone is a complete lie totally out of the blue is horrific, then to continue to be lied to and know that you never have the full truth.... it destroys you, and it certainly destroys any chance of believing other people again.

PeacefulWaters

Knightsuntold wrote: »

How ironic... when the problem first arose a couple of years ago, he did offer to take a lie detector test.

I agree on the gut instinct and the coincidence collision, but I know my judgement is flawed. When this happened with my ex, I did not have a clue. I literally turned up to surprise him, and it was me that got the surprise of my life. Even though I caught him red-handed, he still tried to run the "it's not what you think" line, and the "it's you I love" line. Nothing like wanting believe the lies, even though you know they're lies, to really screw your head up. I vowed I would never be so gullible again, which is part of the problem now.

I get it. I've been there too. Seeking that absolute burden of proof drove me nuts.

thorsoak

You have to decide now : either the fact that you - understandably - have severe problems with trusting him wll inevitably going to destroy your partnership, or you put it all in the past and live in the here and now.

I do think that this find (from so long ago) is just the catalyst which will precipitate your decision.

Mr_Toad

I'm not belittling what you are feeling or going through but take a step back and consider the situation.

If you leave ask yourself if the next relationship will be any different, or the next?

If you're mind works in a particular way then you will always find something suspicious to worry about.

Speaking as someone who has dated a woman with trust issues it can be difficult in fact impossible.

In my case she couldn't cope with the fact that I don't have a set pattern or routine. She would have been happier if I'd been sitting behind a desk all day so she knew exactly where I was at any given time.

I don't have a routine, I do things as and when I feel like it and often on the spur of the moment, I rarely make plans.

When we were together it wasn't long before I realised that the conversation was always skirting around where I'd been, what I was doing, my reasons for being there and who I was with.

I thought I was imagining it at first so I started leaving a gap in the day when we talked and the lengths she'd go to find out what I'd been doing in that missing time!

It was worse if I didn't respond instantly to a text message or I missed a call. Yes I have a phone but I don't carry it round in my hand or even my pocket, it can spend hours in another room or it might get left in the car and I only go looking for it when I want to use it. She could never understand this, as far as she was concerned it should never leave your side in case someone wants you.

You can't make someone trust you, often the harder you try the more they think you're hiding something. What you see as kindness and trying to reassure them they see as you hiding something.

If you're with someone who would never let you down a lack of trust and suspicion is as sure way to destroy a relationship as any infidelity.

Pollycat

tea_lover wrote: »

.... it destroys you, and it certainly destroys any chance of believing other people again.

No it doesn't.
It's hard - very hard - but it is possible to trust again.

A bit like someone saying they'll never get married again because they had a bad experience.
It doesn't mean that the next person will treat you badly.

onomatopoeia99

Knightsuntold wrote: »

The serial number is 67936205 11

I've got two unused Paris metro tickets from a "carnet" I bought fifteen years ago and are still in my wallet (more as a reminder of a very happy time than for future use). They both have numbers in that format printed on them - eight numbers starting with 67 then a gap before two more, and the numbers on both tickets are identical. So it seems they are manufacturing numbers rather than usage numbers, the little newstand we bought them from didn't have printing facilities, though I do recall the vendor politely corrected my attempted pronunciation of carnet :rotfl:

Knightsuntold

Pollycat wrote: »

I don't think she needs to.

The way I see it is that because she was cheated on by a previous partner she's having trust issues (and OP, yes I do understand that because it happened to me too).

She doesn't know that her partner had an affair, she only suspected it.
She knows her MIL went to Paris and probably used the bag.

Sure, her partner was away on business at the same time this woman was in Paris but if he was in the sort of job that meant he had to go away a lot on business, is this so suspicious?

Yes, you've got it.

I know the majority of people on here think I'm barking. The reason that I thought my partner did have an affair, was because the potential other woman contacted me direct, and told me. She was one of his assistants in work, a younger and very beautiful woman. The evidence that she presented me with was overwhelming, even down to a significant scar that my partner has. She listed all the times that he had taken her away on business trips. She handed me a phone, which was full of messages that were supposed to be from him - a different number, but all signed off in the way he signs off his text messages. She even said that he'd bought her a necklace, which was identical to mine, and she was wearing at the time. The only thing she slipped up on, was saying that she'd been with him at a certain hotel, and I knew she couldn't have been, as I was, but it was on the quiet. I literally hid from his work colleagues, as the company wouldn't have been happy. It didn't help that on the week she said they were in Paris, his phone packed up, and contact was only a few sketchy e-mails, at odd hours.

You can imagine the fall out from that. My partner admitted that she'd tried to kiss him at a Christmas party, and he'd knocked her back. He didn't tell me, because he didn't want me to worry, and he'd blamed it on an excess of booze. After that, the company went through a streamlining process, and she was transferred to a different office, with a considerable commute and a less prestige job. She blamed my partner, although the decision wasn't his and he had no part in it. She said that she would get him back for it. We went through a very dark six months. The reality is that she had access to his work diary, booked the hotels for him, and did go on several trips, although in her own room. Other details could have been found on my social media page, as we had friends in common, and there is a picture taken on Christmas Day of the necklace, and a picture of my partner on the beach, with a tan, so the scar is pretty obvious.

That may go some way to explaining why I'm so paranoid about this ticket.

Knightsuntold

FBaby wrote: »

That is my point, people have very different levels of trust and if your thresholds are low, it doesn't mean that your relationship has no future.

Trust is not much different to anxiety. Some people get anxious very easily when faced with certain factors in the same way that some people's trust can be swayed easily when confronted with potential evidence.

In both cases, it comes down to control and the fear of losing it. Of course a relationship is going to suffer if the issue of trust becomes dominant, but that's the point of gaining evidence. I expect if the ticket turns out to relate to a totally different period than the one in question, OP will laugh at herself, put in the bin and move on. If however it happens to match the time her husband has claimed high that he wasn't there, and she knows her MIL was in the country, then it will give her food for thought as to what to do next.

I would have bet my life that I could have trusted my ex, and my friend too. It never crossed my mind that either of them would have done that - the old chestnut of them appearing to not even like each other very much. Even now, I find it hard to believe that they managed it, as apart from the working day, I was generally with one of them.

Not at the laughing stage - this shows that I'm not as sorted as I thought I was.

thorsoak

There is a simple question you must ask yourself - and only you can know what your action will be, depending upon the answer - and the question is DO YOU TRUST HIM TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH?