Paris Metro ticket - possible proof of an affair

Pollycat

calleyw wrote: »

And what you say about your female friends and there partners. Well they should be single as that is just not normal. And why the blokes puts up with I never know.

I'm wondering how the OP has dealt with this.

Knightsuntold wrote: »

Sadly, I know I'm not the only one on the betrayal front - one of my dearest friends is having an affair right now, which has caused a massive rift between us.

Knightsuntold wrote: »

There is nothing quite so humiliating as standing in the middle of a group of people, that you care deeply for, and realising that they know everything, and you know nothing. There was only man who approached me, and had the guts to tell me that it had been going on for years. I screamed at him and asked why the hell no one had told me. His response was "how do you tell a lovely person something that is going to blow their world apart, and change them for ever." How right he was.

Has the OP told her dearest friend's partner that she is cheating on him?

If not, why not?

To scream at someone because he's told you what everybody else has known should surely trigger not letting someone else suffer in the same way.

I hope the rift is because she's told her dearest friend's partner the truth.

calleyw

Pollycat wrote: »

Has the OP told her dearest friend's partner that she is cheating on him?

If not, why not?

To scream at someone because he's told you what everybody else has known should surely trigger not letting someone else suffer in the same way.

I hope the rift is because she's told her dearest friend's partner the truth.

Pollycat, I missed that, If the op has not told her friends partner than she is no better.

When I said about her female friends I was referring to this "On the other-hand, I do have friends who will never trust their partner, no matter one they do, and others that are the receiving end of it. One has admitted that she wishes she could keep her husband locked in the cellar, and have a machine to read his thoughts. The terrifying thing is that she can't see what is wrong with that scenario. "

I do understand where the op is coming from but and there is a big BUT its not healthy and does not make for a happy relationship. So must see her self how not normal her own relationship is.

If I had not found the person I with now. Still early days. I was going to give up as I felt that all men where users and a waste of time and out to hurt or mess me around. As that is what I seemed to attract.

Any way this is not about me.

Yours

Calley

Money_maker

Pollycat wrote: »

I think the bit in bold is very illuminating.

Sadly, I don't think the OP will ever trust her partner.
And I can't see the relationship ending well.

This is about whether he was away on business at that time. Surely a definite answer would come from his employer. Perhaps a carefully concealed question to the right person?


Forgive me if I've missed it but is there a timeline for the major events - getting together, colleague suggesting they are having an affair, colleague stops intimidating/strange behaviour, trip away, finding of ticket. That may shed some light.

Knightsuntold

FBaby wrote: »

Stupid comment from myself, of course knowing where the ticket was bought wouldn't help, unless you start asking your MIL which hotel she stayed in and which itinerary she took, which would be quite odd.

On the point of him staying at a hotel around Bristol, did you ever go back and do check around this? How was he supposed to have got there, train/car, any petrol receipts, hotel receipts (if paid by him). One thing, did you try to call his mobile, because it often rings differently when calling abroad.

The danger here is that strangers are going to come up with other possible avenues to investigate and this could start the whole thing again and make you feel very miserable.

If I were you, I would forget about this metro ticket because I think we can conclude that you'll learn nothing from it, and continue to live your life normally, just keeping alert to any discrepancies in his actions/words etc... but I am guessing that's what you've done in the last two years and if anything had come up that raised alarm bells, you would have mentioned it here, so we can assume that nothing has in the last 2 years, and that sounds pretty good evidence that even if something happened two years ago, he has learned his lesson since.

He drove and there were petrol receipts, but they are turned over with his expenses every month. When I was told about the Paris possibility, it was months later. No, I didn't try to call his mobile. I always wait for him to call me, as he's often in meetings, where as my job is more flexible.

Yes, I appreciate that strangers can come up with different angles, but it has been very helpful to talk things through, and to get my thoughts straight.

Yes, I think that the ticket is a dead end, in terms of finding any definite information from it. The fact remains that it was in his bag, and currently, there is no explanation for it. How I'm going to deal with that, I'm still not sure.

Knightsuntold

Fireflyaway wrote: »

I would question what would happen if you found out he did cheat on you in the past? Would you leave or try to get over it because it was long ago and he has been fine since? I guess its the not knowing that's eating away at you but even if the ticket could be tracked down to a certain date it still doesn't prove anything. He could always make up a cover story or he might tell the truth and you not believe him anyway.
I honestly have come to the conclusion that there isn't much you can do to stop a partner cheating. Even the nicest most beautiful successful woman get cheated on. Usually its not a reflection in them just a desire for the partner to boost thier own ego or have a distraction from stresses in life.
If this were me I would try hard to forget it and move on. If everything is fine apart from this. Try to not appear too needy or over suspicious but if you really can't trust him in general then maybe you could try counselling.

I would leave - there's no doubt about that. I understand that people make mistakes, and if they come clean, and you both want to, you can work on the issues together, and maybe end up with something stronger. This is different. If it did happen, and they went to Paris... that's a whole different issue. I wouldn't be able to forgive him for that.

Knightsuntold

Any wrote: »

Ok, one question....
Why do you think that this man, who has been with you through all your issues, insecurities and flaws, is still with you???

The thing is-he IS WITH YOU!!
He had chance to run, to break it off at any time...and he didn't!!!
Obviously he WANTS YOU!

(Unless you have something else he might want and this all would be worth the triuble...I guess not!)

I'll let you into a secret - not every man that has an affair, actually wants the other woman full time. They want the excitement. They want the thrills. They want the ego boost. They often want their home-life to stay exactly as it is. The majority certainly don't want to be portrayed as the bad guy. There is also the other tiny issue of how much I could take him for, if we were to split. I wouldn't, but he doesn't know that, as we've never discussed it.

Knightsuntold

Pollycat wrote: »

I think the bit in bold is very illuminating.

Sadly, I don't think the OP will ever trust her partner.
And I can't see the relationship ending well.

I did trust him. When I was told about the alleged affair, I could have packed my bags and left there and then - I didn't. I stayed and tried to sort it out. Just sit there for a minute and have a think about it. If someone you knew and trusted told you that they were having an affair with your partner, and you found something that could substantiate it, would you instantly dismiss it, or would there be a grain of doubt?

Knightsuntold

calleyw wrote: »

He wont be for much longer if she carries on like this. I would tire of that very quickly, someone wanting to know where I was at all times.

I use to go up to my parents and tell my husband I was nipping up my parents for 20 mins or so. 2 hrs later I would come back. Mobile signal is rubbish so he would have to call the landline. I asked him did it not worry you. He said no I trust you.

If I found that ticket I might say something in passing about it. But not accuse the poor chap of cheating.

Personally I would have one foot out the door if I was the chap as he can't win. And what you say about your female friends and there partners. Well they should be single as that is just not normal. And why the blokes puts up with I never know.

The last 4 years for me have been horrendous for me relationship wise. And I never thought I would ever have another relationship as I was too messed up and could never trust anyone. But guess what I found someone who I can trust. And he trusts me.

My life is an open book. And I am happy to show my bf my phone and anything else he wants to see.

If you have not trusted from the start then the relationship is doomed and wont last.

I think the op needs to really think about what she really wants. if all she is going to do is worry constantly that he will or has cheated better off getting out and staying single.

Yours

Calley

Just for the record, I don't want to know where he is at all times, and I would love to know where you got that from.

Would you still mention just mention the ticket in passing, if you had someone look you straight in the eye, and tell you that they were having an affair with your husband, and that he'd taken them to Paris?

Where does it say that I haven't trusted him from the start?

Where does it say that I've worried constantly? The last 18 months have been pretty good, and if this ticket had been from anywhere but Paris, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. But, it is from Paris, and that's the particular place that was referred to by the other party. I defy anyone not have doubts when confronted by that little lot.

And as for the chap having one foot out of the door - I haven't said a word to him, so why would he?

mark5

Op if this woman was in Paris with your husband then the most convincing evidence she could have shown you were pictures of him in Paris with her, yet she didn't show you one?

Knightsuntold

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm wondering how the OP has dealt with this.



Has the OP told her dearest friend's partner that she is cheating on him?

If not, why not?

To scream at someone because he's told you what everybody else has known should surely trigger not letting someone else suffer in the same way.

I hope the rift is because she's told her dearest friend's partner the truth.

No, I haven't told my dearest friend's partner, as I don't know her. The rift has been caused by me saying that of he doesn't come clean, or break it off, I will tell her.

I have previously told a very good friend that I'd seen her partner with another woman, and even gave her the registration of his car. She called me a liar, and ended our friendship there and then. 18 months later, she apologised, because she'd found out that he was seeing not one other woman, but four. Our friendship was never the same again.

I don't actually know why I'm explaining this - I feel as though I'm on trial, and having to answer to people I don't even know.