Paris Metro ticket - possible proof of an affair

lincroft1710

OP - I'm going to ask you one simple question which only requires a yes or no answer, it does not need to be qualified.

Do you want to stay with this guy?

Pollycat

Knightsuntold wrote: »

It's true that I don't know for sure whether it has or hasn't happened with the man I'm with now. If the other party hadn't raised the issue, I wouldn't have doubted him at all. But she did, and she provided some pretty compelling evidence at the time, which I/we worked hard to disprove. If the ticket had been for any where but Paris, we wouldn't be here now. But it is.

I think he would understand, and he would feel the same horrible feeling of resignation as I do, as the old wounds open up again. I don't want him to feel like that.

But you are still judging your current partner by the actions of the man who betrayed you.
You are believing someone who may have had an agenda.

I'm not sure that he would understand how you are feeling.
I think you are building a house of cards against someone who has not wronged you - and maybe never will

And I can't see this ending well.

FBaby

I don't agree Pollycat. I think OP acted in the best way she could at the time. I think it took a lot of guts to reach a point of deciding that there would be no more digging, analyzing, interpreting, and turned the page. Ultimately, it would have been foolishness to leave at this point when the relationship was happy and there was not enough evidence for OP to be sure that an affair had taken place, so it had to be left behind.

However, it was left behind my default, and anything that comes up to bring doubts again will inevitably reopen all the questions. However, OP is exactly in the same place she was before, with something that brings serious consideration that an affair did take place, but once again, not proof.

OP will therefore once again close the door on the doubts and move on as she did before and focus on the strengths of the relationship and the fact that nothing has come to rock it in the last two years, and therefore she shouldn't let this ruin everything.

I wish you good luck OP that time will heal the pain once and for all. In a perfect world, the PA would marry someone, have kids, and then one day contact you to tell you why she made it all up, showed you the evidence that she did, apologise, and you'll be thanking yourself that you made the decision to believe your OH.

Happier_Me

I don't think you will ever know for certain what happened two years ago. From what you say though, there was plenty of evidence to indicate an affair but he was very open and transparent when trying to disprove this evidence.

His actions and his treatment towards you appears genuine to me and it seems he puts time and effort into reassuring you, even if this is subconscious (regular texts and phone calls when away with work).

So you need to decide whether you want to be with this person without having a definitive answer to an affair two years ago. And if you do, draw a line in the sand and move on ...for the sake of your relationship but most importantly for your sanity.

Judge him by his current and future behaviour and actions, not by what may or may not have happened two years ago. Carry on as you are and your relationship won't survive, no matter how innocent or guilty he was two years ago!

karcher

Knightsuntold wrote: »

I know I'm coming across on here as being very insecure, but in normal day-to-day life, I'm not, and I couldn't be with him, if I was. Much of his life is spent away from me, staying in hotels and he works with a lot of women. Part of the reason that he's so good at his job, is because he's relaxed, easy-going and approachable. He's also very good at (as much as I hate the phrase) enpowering people, so he gets calls at all hours of the day and night, and very rarely turns anyone away. I'd be living on a knife-edge if I worried about any of that.

I'm used to woman making passes at him - it even happens when I'm with him. Usually he tells me, and we have a good a laugh about it - I will say 'ooh, you've still got it!' I think he didn't tell me about this particular attempt, purely because she was too close to home, and very drunk.

The important thing is that he did tell me when it mattered.

I've been reading your thread from the start OP, but it is this post that stands out to me.

Deep down I think you are the woman you describe above : the one who is not phased by women making passes at your husband and can laugh with him about it.

Past insecurities are currently getting in the way of what appears to be a good relationship.

I don't blame you for those insecurities. I have walked in your shoes too. Maybe take a step back. If your gut instinct is to believe your husband then do so.

Don't let the past destroy your future. From what I've read you would be giving up on a good thing with no real proof. Take the risk and get on with your life with your husband, see what the future brings.

Good luck OP. I truly hope your worries are unfounded.

-taff

Um...I have one more thought.
You said this bag had been used by him and packed and unpacked countless times and the ticket had never been found.
It could be in there from 2 years ago, it could be in there from 5 years ago.

If it had been unpacked and packed countless times, then the fact that you're finding it now probably does mean it's been in there for years, way more years than you are worried it has been.

If he was trying to conceal an affair, he would have gone through everything with a fine tootchcomb to get rid of any incriminating evidence, especially after the police were involved, especially with the bag that he would have used.

Pollycat

FBaby wrote: »

OP will therefore once again close the door on the doubts and move on as she did before and focus on the strengths of the relationship and the fact that nothing has come to rock it in the last two years, and therefore she shouldn't let this ruin everything.

Until something else comes up to rock the boat and it will all come bubbling to the top again.

C_Mababejive

Knightsuntold wrote: »

Oh, I know from my days of travelling with business how much of it does go on. There is always a shark or two in the hotel bar. It was also quite stomach churning to watch men wearing weddings rings, and smuggling the young men into their hotel rooms - there's a good chance that their wives didn't have a clue.

To be fair to him, during the course of an evening, if he's socialising, he will text me fairly frequently. He generally bows out fairly early and will call me for an hour or so - longer if either of us had a bad day. He'll do some work and text me again before he goes to sleep. If I text back, sometimes he'll call me again. It would have to be one hell of a tolerant mistress to put up with that.

But again, it isnt always the men on conferences who are the sharks. There are plenty of married/partnered women who like the thrill of a d'alliance.

When i am away from home, i don't feel the need to continually text and/or phone partner. Is that just me?

FBaby

When i am away from home, i don't feel the need to continually text and/or phone partner. Is that just me?

I think it depends on what is normal to you, when you are away and when you're not.

OH and I both travel for our jobs, mainly locally, but he also goes away about once a month, more at some times, also sometimes away for a few days, sometimes abroad. We always ask each other where we are travelling to during the day, and if he is away overnight, will always give me a quick call around 6pm to ask how was my day (as he would coming home) and then text me to say good night (as we would if at home).

It's been the norm for us from the start of our relationship, so always carried on. Like OP, I am a naturally suspicious mind, so always on the look out for any inconsistencies, but he has never, not once, given me reason to question what he tells me so I feel totally secure.

I would probably be worried if he started to be secretive about where he is going, not telling me until the last minute, telling me that his phone doesn't work when there, and then being evasive/defensive when asked about his time away, because that would be a complete change to his behaviour.

Knightsuntold

lincroft1710 wrote: »

OP - I'm going to ask you one simple question which only requires a yes or no answer, it does not need to be qualified.

Do you want to stay with this guy?

You can't give a yes or no answer to that. The closest I can get is when I found the ticket - not sure. Now I've worked it through - yes.