Paris Metro ticket - possible proof of an affair

Knightsuntold

FBaby wrote: »

OP, I'll be totally honest, but from what you've written over 9 pages, I do think he was in Paris. I think that all the 'evidence' that you've dismissed could have as well been considered as proof, and in the end, it's the accumulation of inconsistencies that makes it all so unlikely to be all made up.

You could so easily turn the questions the other way around:
- First, why would your OH have mentioned that she tried to kiss him and is it really realistic that someone higher up than him would have decided that she should be moved, against his wishes because he really wanted her to stay? That itself doesn't seem very logical as most people in his situation would have just kept quiet, if only because let's face it, if she is that psycho, surely her defense would have just been that he was the one who tried to kiss her, or more.

- If her vendetta was to do with her moving and being demoted, would her revenge really would have been turned towards you, someone she liked, rather than just focus on incriminated him in some way so that he would be the one losing his job/having to move?

- If she was so twisted that she was prepared to go to the length of finding the necklace he bought you and then go and buy another one to pretend he'd bought it, don't you think she would have managed to come up with some form of photo shoot that would have put them together? Much easier and cheaper to do than to go and buy a necklace and so much more incriminating.

- You say that it can't be true that she was with him every work do because he was with you once, but from her perspective, if she spent 20 occasions, she might have just forgotten about this one. Maybe it's one she couldn't make, or maybe she was there, and he just told her that you'd unexpectedly showed up, so she had to be well behaved and keep quiet.

Everything is possible and from my perspective, equally so.

From what you've said, I think that it is very possible that they were having an affair. I think it is also very possible that he wasn't at all, and he just got caught in various suspicious circumstances that was bad luck. Or, and I think this is very likely, they were not YET having an affair, but that trip to Paris was arranged, however, when they got there, things went wrong and he told her that he didn't want to go through with it. She got very !!!!ed off and that's what got her to do what she did, however, from his point of view, he'd been a very good husband since he didn't go through with it, and he could only lie about having gone to Paris because if he told you that he intended on starting an affair but that he changed his mind then, you would never have believed him, so better lie. She can't prove they had had an affair because they hadn't before then, but there is some evidence that he was indeed in Paris.

Yep, that pretty sums up my thought process two years ago, and I was ricocheting between the first two scenarios. The only one that I can't make fit is the going to Paris to start an affair - if they went, I'm sure that the affair would have been established, and not only that, but serious.

Knightsuntold

Malthusian wrote: »

Please don't tell me that it might have been some other random person sending you "I'm watching you" texts about your blue dress.

I said "beyond dispute" in the sense that we have to take your posts at face value.

Given what you told us about her stalking and harrassment, it is easier to believe that she is lying about being with your husband on your anniversary when you know he was with you, than to believe that after you fell asleep after celebrating your anniversary, he snuck off to his mistress' room, had a rendezvous with her, then snuck back before you woke up, while somehow concealing your presence from his mistress.



2007. So no help there.

No, not at all, and I'm 100% certain that it was her, with exception of possibly the vandalising of my car, which could have been kids. It was the police that said it all circumstantial, and there was nothing they could do, as there was no hard evidence.

I think she could have printed out his diary and left that date in without thinking, or for extreme impact, but I don't know. I don't think for a second that he snuck off to be with her on the night of our anniversary - I only said that at the time to illustrate the point that it is possible.

Knightsuntold

fairy_lights wrote: »

I've only just noticed this post. I don't think leather jackets are all that common really, and for her to have been in the hotel room with another leather jacket wearing man at the same time as your leather jacket wearing husband was away on an unverified trip seems a bit too coincidental.
The more details of your posts I read, the more I'm inclined to think he did have the affair, and was in Paris.
The other woman may be a nutter of Gone Girl proportions capable of spending months putting together a plan to destroy the life of someone she thinks got her demoted...but in the balance of probability I think the other version is more likely.

That shows how out of fashion we are - my partner and I both wore black leather jackets, at the time, and so did she - it was a bit of biker revival style.

It wouldn't have taken months putting the plan together - half an hour on social media, unquestionable access to my partner's diary, and we met at a coffee shop that is literally across the road from the jewellers where the necklace came from. The only thing that would have taken some doing really was the text messages.

jellie

When the other woman puts photos of holidays on social media, does she usually include photos of her travelling companion(s)? Or at least said who she was on holiday with?

If she does usually say and obviously didn't for her Paris holiday, then she was with someone who wanted their presence on that trip kept a secret.

Knightsuntold

hugonellie wrote: »

I've never posted on this board before, but read it almost every day.

I actually feel sorry for the OP. I was in a VERY similar situation to yourself, so you have my sympathy. The crazy person in question was so warped that she sent a second phone she had, messages to and from herself to create a made up conversation - then changed the name of the contact in her phone for me to believe it was my partner.

She tracked my partners iPhone after getting into her icloud / itunes account using something called Find My Friends - so she knew when I was at work and my partner had left our home - and told me each and every time she did she was with my partner. I couldn't get my head around all of the coincidences, they literally made no sense. I repeatedly questioned my partner about it, the text conversations I thought they were having, how she only got in contact when I wasn't with my partner and as much as I wanted to believe crazy was indeed crazy my over thinking and wanting complete proof I drove myself insane. It went on for months - it brings you down.

Eventually it all came out when the police got involved - and my partner was telling the truth. We're thankfully still together now but for months it was touch and go.

The mind is a funny thing, I wanted to believe my partner was telling the truth the whole time but just couldn't stop overthinking it, as everything pointed to crazy telling the truth.

I'm not sure if this helps any, but I do genuinely feel sorry for you - just reading this thread makes my stomach turn.

I would ask him again outright - I wouldn't bother bringing anyone else into it, being sneaky and asking behind peoples backs. You will know when you ask him. If he loves you he will do anything he can to help you get over this, to help you both move on.

Oh, boy - you so get it! That was us two years ago. For six months it was so difficult, and I really wanted to believe him, but the evidence against him was compelling. It nearly broke him and me. Every time something else happened it convinced me that to have such hatred, there must have been an affair. The police did check our phones and tablets, so maybe they were looking for something similar - we didn't understand why they wanted our tablets, as there'd been no e-mail contact. The worst bit for me was when they asked me to leave the room - I thought then that they didn't believe him/us. It was the most horrible sick, churning feeling. I think if it had been down to the policewoman, maybe more would have been done at the time, but the policeman was a bit more dismissive of it. When you think of the horrors they deal with, it is small potatoes, but it didn't feel like it to me.

It does help - just that someone has been through something similar (not that I'd wish it on anyone).

I was going to talk to him last night, and had what I was going to say prepared, but he came full of cold, and the timing wasn't right.

Knightsuntold

crazycatlady1984 wrote: »

I don't have anything particularly helpful to say I'm afraid other than that I have been where you are and it is awful.

As regards the ticket, frustratingly, it looks like a dead end, it doesn't sound like there is any way of finding out when it was from.

If it was me, I would not confront him about it. Either he will tell the truth about it (whatever that may be) or he will lie, and I don't think you will be able to know which it is.

As I believe someone has touched upon, the stress of something like this can result in you actually wanting to find proof just for the relief of knowing.

It sounds to me like it's very recent that you've found this ticket? I reckon take a few days, sleep on it, try to act normal, and there may be something you remember / can find out that can corroborate things either way.

Hope you're ok xx

Thank you for replying.

In terms of useful info, the ticket is a dead end. I'll admit that I'm worried that I won't be able to read him even if I do raise it. Whichever way I look at it, is going to drag a bloody awful time back up again, and scream 'I don't trust you', which, when I'm not having a wobble, I do.

Yes, there's a definite relief to be had in just knowing.

I found the ticket on Wednesday evening. My partner was away until last night, but he came home full of cold, so he's not as clued up as he'd usually be, and I'm doing a pretty good job of holding it together. I think he's grateful that I'm quiet, and keeping out of the way. I've exhausted all avenues of where this ticket has come from, other than it was his mum, he did go to Paris or it was planted. I'm 99% certain that I've ruled out his mum, as that would mean the ticket remained hidden for five years, three of which the bag was being packed and unpacked at least twice a week.

Yes, I'm ok - hanging in there, and feeling stronger.

Knightsuntold

duchy wrote: »

I do think if you've never encountered someone who is indeed that crazy- yet seems entirely normal and plausible in every other way -it is very hard to believe.......however they DO exist and more commonly than you'd think.
A quiet obsession is a very scary thing -worse in many ways than someone who is clearly demented. The look of disbelief on people's faces when you tell them what they did .....often they think YOU are the crazy one because it is so hard for most people to believe.

You've hit the nail on the head, and it is the look of disbelief on people's faces when you tell them what's happened - they do think you're the crazy one.

I had a really hard time convincing myself that she would be capable of anything like this, without a massive trigger, such as the end of an affair. The thing that got me was the way that she told me - it was cold, clinical and there was sod all emotion to it. It felt surreal.

Knightsuntold

-taff wrote: »

I know someone who used to e-mail and text her ex, pretending to be 2 different people [setting up new e-mail accounts and buying new phones/sim cards] and discussing how great she was, how many wonderful things she'd done. She also drove to his house, put his window through, told his girlfriend they'd slept together, ordered takeaways for him every week, threatened him with being beaten up by her bigger male friends.
In her case, she felt she had justification for what she did.

I suppose that doesn't really help you, but some people will appear totally normal, but are really a bit psycho....Talking to this person mentioned above, you'd swear she was everything nice and good, but knowing her, she is a compulsive liar both to herself and to others, and if she believes she has been slighted, will go to extreme lengths to redress the balance. And I mean extreme. To the extent of false accusations to the police, social services etc etc...

It does happen.

Social services - I know someone who didn't see his son from the age of 3 months until he was about two and a half, because his wife made allegations of sexual abuse. The poor lady had a form of post natal depression, and genuinely believed it, but on a day to day basis, you'd never have known there was anything wrong.

Knightsuntold

Cloudydaze wrote: »

I'm sure they do. Just as good looking, charismatic charmers who cheat on their partners do.

From what the OP has said, her OH is successful at his job which seems be jetting around the country and schmoozing people. I don't think it's beyond the realms of possibility that this charismatic charmer is lying to the OP. It's certainly more plausible than a successful PA turning into a bunny boiler.

I agree with you, and up to two years ago, I would have been part of the 'hang em high' brigade, but now I'm not so sure. If there had been a shred of evidence that couldn't have been explained by some other means, I would have been gone. That's why finding out about this ticket was so important to me.

Ivrytwr3

Horrible, horrible situation to be in. From what you are saying there does seem a lot of conflicting evidence/stories and a lot of bullsh*t been thrown around.

I too would NEED to know the truth and so finding the metro ticket information would be important - i hate been made a fool out of. How about contacting the French Travel Authority direct:

https://twitter.com/ClientsRATP

http://www.ratp.fr/contact/client

My only concern would be, say for for instance they come back and the ticket was for the dates your guy said he wasn't there - would you start looking for other explanations how it got there?

Anyway, i hope whatever the outcome is you get your answer one way or the other.