Paris Metro ticket - possible proof of an affair

duchy

Spendless wrote: »

I've been to Paris on several occasions and I've NEVER been on the Metro or bought a ticket in anticipation of travelling on it. You'd soon know that about me if you ever asked me about a metro ticket found in a bag I may or may not have borrowed.

Why not just get MIL into conversation about her trip to Paris and if she ever traveled on the metro or intended to, you'd soon get an answer if it's a possibility she purchased it. (I know I'm not the first person to suggest this)

Something the OP appears to not want to do for some reason

Knightsuntold

NotBothered wrote: »

Ive been lurking no this for a couple of days but thought my rather dodgy point of view may be helpful???

Given what you have said, I would take the stance that something definitely DID happen with the woman in question, however, this ended a lot quicker than she had wanted it to.

In your position I think I would try to remember the fact that you have a loving relationship and have had no reason to doubt him over the past couple of years - if he made a mistake and had a fling does it matter now? Is it a threat to your relationship now?

In other words - if you truly believe that he cheated on you could you forgive him?

If he made a mistake and admitted it right away, we could have perhaps worked it through. I'm afraid that I'm firm believer that if someone has done it once and got away with it, there's a good chance that they'd do it again. My partner knows this is my view.

Knightsuntold

fairy_lights wrote: »

I really think you need to speak to your partner about this - he might lie but he might come clean. Or he might have a perfectly reasonable explanation - is it possible that he lent the other woman the bag to take on her trip?

I need to speak to him, or say nothing and get over it - I'm still not sure which, because as soon as I open my mouth, there's no taking it back.

No, no chance that he would have lent the bag out to her without me knowing, only for the reason that I store shoes in it, and he would have asked me to move them.

Knightsuntold

duchy wrote: »

I don't think he had an affair

Could he have had a drunken snog one night - then regretted it the next morning and told her it could never happen again because he loves his wife.......... Yes it could and would explain her wanting retribution.And going from normal to buunyboiler in 30 seconds (although equally the same could be said if she tried to kiss him and he rebuffed her I suppose)

But if that IS all it was........is that enough to break your marriage over ?

That's so tricky. If it was a drunken snog and he'd told me at the time, no, I wouldn't break our relationship up - I'd be as angry as hell, but I wouldn't break it up. If it happened and he said nothing - that would be more difficult. On one hand my view is that he should have told me, but on he other, I'd understand why he wouldn't, because of my history, and not wanting to trigger alarm bells.

Knightsuntold

Gloomendoom wrote: »

My ex-wife was like this. If I had jam on my toast in the morning instead of my usual marmalade, it would be enough to trigger her to search my car and go through the pockets of all my clothes. She would surreptitiously examine all my bank and credit card statements in minute detail.

To be fair, her previous relationship had been with a serial cheater, but it the constant suspicion did for our marriage.

From what you've said, I'm nothing like your ex wife. I've never searched his car, gone through his clothes or surreptitiously examined his bank and credit card statements - I've actually gone out of my way not to be that type of person, because it's so easy to fall into that trap - all it does is make both parties miserable. I have gone through bank statements once, and that was when I was told that he was having an affair. He was there at the time, and I actually gave them to me to look at.

Knightsuntold

duchy wrote: »

He will still need to have submitted expenses claims whether he paid by company CC or cash-only an idiot wouldn't keep a copy.

Paris wasn't random though - someone known to use that bag did go to Paris. Have you ever asked your MIL about Paris (maybe you could be planning a trip and looking for her advice)......did she use the Metro - was it easy to use etc. If she says she didn't use it you'd have an answer...if she tells you about those marvelous Carnet tickets - then maybe you don't)

The problem with that is that it was 2 years ago - he does keep copies, but once things are paid, everything at this end gets shredded at the end of the financial year.

If I can't sort this out in my head soon, I will talk his mum. The main thing that's been holding me back, was fear of getting upset in front of her and everything spilling out. Again, once it's said, you can't take it back.

Knightsuntold

melanzana wrote: »

No offence intended. You have posted on an open forum on the internet.

And although I have kept out of the discussion up to now, I don't think many readers would be blamed for being a teeny bit sceptical about this.

You are making a mountain out of a molehill here. There is no way to find out if the ticket was his or not.

The bunny boiler is an interesting feature.

You have issues yourself it seems regarding trust, and a rather vivid imagination to my mind.

Leave him, or ask him out straight. Only answer. I don't think you will trust him ever again, if your suspicions have been roused to this extent based on a piece of cardboard.

That is no way to live.

I did take offence, but I need to say sorry. I would never have snapped back like that in real life or if we'd been face to face. I was just shocked that something that is so massive for me could be trivialised in such a way, or what I would gain if I was writing a book. Still, I snapped and I shouldn't have done, and I'm sorry for that.

Knightsuntold

clint_S wrote: »

Does the Ticket have a t or a t+ on it? I'm sure the t was replaced with the t+ in 2012/2013. That will at least let you know if it's older than 4 years.


* you could get a t+ ticket before then but the t ticket was stopped.

It's a t+ ticket, but thank you for trying.

duchy

Knightsuntold wrote: »

That's so tricky. If it was a drunken snog and he'd told me at the time, no, I wouldn't break our relationship up - I'd be as angry as hell, but I wouldn't break it up. If it happened and he said nothing - that would be more difficult. On one hand my view is that he should have told me, but on he other, I'd understand why he wouldn't, because of my history, and not wanting to trigger alarm bells.

Yes because even you can see why he wouldn't have told you.
I wouldn't tell an insecure partner simply because I wouldn't want to damage my relationship over something that literally wasn't of any significance.
I'm sure many of us have had a bloke make a pass when we are out with friends and have never mentioned it to a partner simply because it was so unimportant it wasn't worth mentioning or was forgotten about before we got home.

Knightsuntold

paddy's_mum wrote: »

OP - I think that you might be wise to bow out of this thread now.

You have been given a broad sweep of responses, certainly enough to give you a great deal of food for thought and if you are feeling somewhat 'got at', that will itself skew your thinking and replies.

Time perhaps to take the advice of that wonderful poem about friendship - take the good but with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away. (George Eliot)

I wish you peace of mind.

Thank you. I did when I realised what some people were thinking, but that was more down to shock. Now I've got a better idea of what people can be like on here, but I also know that I don't have to justify anything. If anything, it's made me more determined to stick around for the nice ones.