Paris Metro ticket - possible proof of an affair

Knightsuntold

jellie wrote: »

When the other woman puts photos of holidays on social media, does she usually include photos of her travelling companion(s)? Or at least said who she was on holiday with?

If she does usually say and obviously didn't for her Paris holiday, then she was with someone who wanted their presence on that trip kept a secret.

She had very few photos from that time that weren't work related, but, if I'm honest about it, she worked so hard that her free time would have been the absolute minimum anyway. There were lots of shots of fast food breakfasts, cups of coffee and frozen car window-screens. The ones that weren't work-related, tended to show her dressed up for night out. The photos that show her with other people, tend to be boozy-night out ones from something like Christmas or a birthday, and they're where she's been tagged in by other people. There were no pictures of men. My view was limited though, as I wasn't actually a friend on there, just had friends in common.

PeacefulWaters

Somehow you've got to let it go.

Knightsuntold

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

Horrible, horrible situation to be in. From what you are saying there does seem a lot of conflicting evidence/stories and a lot of bullsh*t been thrown around.

I too would NEED to know the truth and so finding the metro ticket information would be important - i hate been made a fool out of. How about contacting the French Travel Authority direct:

https://twitter.com/ClientsRATP

http://www.ratp.fr/contact/client

My only concern would be, say for for instance they come back and the ticket was for the dates your guy said he wasn't there - would you start looking for other explanations how it got there?

Anyway, i hope whatever the outcome is you get your answer one way or the other.

Thank you for replying, and for the links.

I hate to be made a fool of too, and having been there once, I really don't want it to happen again. So saying, I'm pretty sure that this ticket would have been issued in the right time-frame, but I've got no way of proving how it actually got into the bag. The other party kept referring to the Paris - maybe she was testing to see if I'd already found it, or was hoping I'd rush home and rip everything apart - I really don't know. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever really know for sure.

Knightsuntold

Pollycat wrote: »

But it hasn't happened with the man you are with now.
I think you are possibly punishing your partner because of what another man did to you.
And to me, that's not fair.


I think if your partner knew how much you don't trust him, how you're thinking about this ticket and believing the worst, he'd be even more angry, disappointed and hurt.

It's true that I don't know for sure whether it has or hasn't happened with the man I'm with now. If the other party hadn't raised the issue, I wouldn't have doubted him at all. But she did, and she provided some pretty compelling evidence at the time, which I/we worked hard to disprove. If the ticket had been for any where but Paris, we wouldn't be here now. But it is.

I think he would understand, and he would feel the same horrible feeling of resignation as I do, as the old wounds open up again. I don't want him to feel like that.

C_Mababejive

I haven't read the whole story as it is so many pages long. I can understand the OPs concern and this seems to have created an insidious and heightened state of anxiety. I think that so much of the evidence is so circumstantial that its best to discount it and try to move on. To do otherwise would simply perpetuate the anxiety.

Think about this, and referring back to your previous relationship in which he cheated.

A person may have an indiscretion but that doesnt mean they dont love and care for their partner.

It happens all the time.

Its knowning or finding out about it that causes all the pain and upset and believe me, it isnt always men. The men are not bedding eachother are they !

So think about this, if he has cheated in the past, well there is no evidence,,but if he has a predisposition toward cheating, well you can be more prepared to spot it in future and gather irrefutable evidence.

At the moment, you are chasing shadows of the past that are haunting you.

Some people may have a one off affiar or have sex with someone, realise the error of their ways and then move on. Serial cheaters,,well they just keep doing it and eveventually get caught. Often its the ones with menas, motive and opportunity. The means and opportunity,,well they are often away on business, they may be in a higher ranking role with some colleagues of the opposite sex at the same meeting/confernece. The Motives? Boredom > males..the base desire to bed other women who make themselves available...

Knightsuntold

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Op you sound like a very intelligent and rational person. Trust issues are like a worm virus burrowing deep into the relationship. One of my sons was involved with a lovely girl, but one who had been damaged by seeing her father betray her mother on numerous occasions. She took those issues into their relationship and in the end it destroyed it and it almost destroyed him. Strangely, the end point came when he had the same issue as your partner an older drunken colleague tried to kiss him at a Christmas party, he gently pushed her away but he was eaten up with guilt and fear at how his partner would react.

I will be frank, as his parents and knowing her issues, we both told him not to tell her, but we have brought him up to be honest and he felt he had to do so. From that moment onwards he lived under constant suspicion and monitoring. Innocent items became "evidence". In the end it almost broke him, but he had to walk away for his own sanity. Three years down the line he is still single.

I think you need to be clear what you want here and what you will do when you get it. Yes, he could exonerate himself by giving you evidence that he was In Bristol but at what cost to your relationship?

There are women out there who will take something to extremes, look at those two friends who shot and killed another woman at her home after stalking her (Sadie?) all because she was now with one of their ex's.

Given what you have said I think it could go either way. There may be more to it than your partner is telling but, consider this, if he was open with both police and work investigations it was at that point that more could have/would have come out. It didn't. He didn't persuade you to do nothing, he sought police involvement, those don't seem to to me to be the actions of a guilty person.

Think long and hard before you rake up the past like this. How likely is it really that when it all happened someone wouldn't have added their twopennorth if it had been anything more than what you had been told?

I understand that you feel the need to get to the botom of it for peace of mind, but is there no way you can stop that seed growing in view of the discrepancies in her story with your Anniversary? That would throw real doubt in my mind, why mention that date? It sounds to me like she printed off his Outlook Calendar and went through the dates (not realising the significance of that one) and fabricated the stories of them being together to suit the calendar.

Good luck with the path you choose, make sure it is the one that has the end destination you can live with most easily.

Thank you so much for your reply.

That's exactly why I'm trying so hard not to be that person, and for most of the time I'm not. I understand how it can wreck everything, and make two people very miserable indeed.

What I wanted was proof that the ticket was purchased 5 years ago, and couldn't possibly be part of the situation we found ourselves in 2 years ago. The reality is that I'm not going to get that, and I have to accept that.

Yes, I'm very aware of the Sadie Hartley case. My partner and I watched a programme on it, not so long ago, and we both kept looking at each other, but didn't say anything - I think we were thinking similar things.

He did put off going to the police for as long as he could, but I understand that - there was a sense of disbelief that someone we knew and liked could be doing this, and, if he was wrong, it could have wrecked both of their careers.

I've found through bitter experience, that people don't always put their twopennorth in - with my ex, the whole of my social circle knew and no one said a word.

Yes, I did cling onto the anniversary date, but like everything else, you can argue for it and against it.

Thank you so much for your good wishes. It's strange how much it has helped to offload everything on here. The mixed opinions have really helped too to clarify my thoughts too.

Knightsuntold

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Somehow you've got to let it go.

I know, and I'm getting closer to it.

FBaby

He did put a lot of effort in at the time, but it was months after the alleged trip. He was also angry/disappointed/hurt that I would think he was capable of it, but he calmed right down when he realised what she'd said, and the supposed evidence she'd provided.

Or he calmed down when he realised that all the evidence she provided, he could come up with a reason to dispute?

I know I saw something relating Bristol. I don't think there were receipts for every single day, but that again is not unusual, as sometimes it's the clients that pay. I know I saw enough to be more or less happy at the time.

Did you see because you looked or did he show you? You say he put a lot of efforts, so what effort was it? Surely it would have been easy for him to print the receipt from the hotel that showed exactly when he stayed there and for how long, along with evidence of which conference took place there and then and an invitation to it.

I do feel bad about this thread because it is probably opening a painful scar again that you work very hard to heal, but at the same time, you come across as so desperate to get to the truth even after all this time, I can totally understand you would be prepared to re-open the wound if it could mean having final closure to it all.

Only you were there when you confronted him and only you could/can decide if the evidence that was put in front of you was watertight enough to accept it as such.

Part of me think you should look into it again because you might have disregarded facts, but ultimately, you had the chance to do so then, you reached your conclusion that he was being totally truthful then, and I do think you need to stick to the decision you took then and only look forward.

Knightsuntold

C_Mababejive wrote: »

I haven't read the whole story as it is so many pages long. I can understand the OPs concern and this seems to have created an insidious and heightened state of anxiety. I think that so much of the evidence is so circumstantial that its best to discount it and try to move on. To do otherwise would simply perpetuate the anxiety.

Think about this, and referring back to your previous relationship in which he cheated.

A person may have an indiscretion but that doesnt mean they dont love and care for their partner.

It happens all the time.

Its knowning or finding out about it that causes all the pain and upset and believe me, it isnt always men. The men are not bedding eachother are they !

So think about this, if he has cheated in the past, well there is no evidence,,but if he has a predisposition toward cheating, well you can be more prepared to spot it in future and gather irrefutable evidence.

At the moment, you are chasing shadows of the past that are haunting you.

Some people may have a one off affiar or have sex with someone, realise the error of their ways and then move on. Serial cheaters,,well they just keep doing it and eveventually get caught. Often its the ones with menas, motive and opportunity. The means and opportunity,,well they are often away on business, they may be in a higher ranking role with some colleagues of the opposite sex at the same meeting/confernece. The Motives? Boredom > males..the base desire to bed other women who make themselves available...

Oh, I know from my days of travelling with business how much of it does go on. There is always a shark or two in the hotel bar. It was also quite stomach churning to watch men wearing weddings rings, and smuggling the young men into their hotel rooms - there's a good chance that their wives didn't have a clue.

To be fair to him, during the course of an evening, if he's socialising, he will text me fairly frequently. He generally bows out fairly early and will call me for an hour or so - longer if either of us had a bad day. He'll do some work and text me again before he goes to sleep. If I text back, sometimes he'll call me again. It would have to be one hell of a tolerant mistress to put up with that.

Knightsuntold

FBaby wrote: »

Or he calmed down when he realised that all the evidence she provided, he could come up with a reason to dispute?


Did you see because you looked or did he show you? You say he put a lot of efforts, so what effort was it? Surely it would have been easy for him to print the receipt from the hotel that showed exactly when he stayed there and for how long, along with evidence of which conference took place there and then and an invitation to it.

I do feel bad about this thread because it is probably opening a painful scar again that you work very hard to heal, but at the same time, you come across as so desperate to get to the truth even after all this time, I can totally understand you would be prepared to re-open the wound if it could mean having final closure to it all.

Only you were there when you confronted him and only you could/can decide if the evidence that was put in front of you was watertight enough to accept it as such.

Part of me think you should look into it again because you might have disregarded facts, but ultimately, you had the chance to do so then, you reached your conclusion that he was being totally truthful then, and I do think you need to stick to the decision you took then and only look forward.

I think he calmed down, because he realised it was serious and I was falling apart. He needed to take control pretty quick, or he knew I would walk, and disappear. There was evidence he couldn't dispute, such as the necklace and his scar, and there was panic in his voice when he said he couldn't explain either.

He showed me everything he could. He brought his files out from his office and fired up his laptop and tablet there and then. I was sat with the dates she'd given me, and for a time he was digging himself into a hole, as everything he said was being confirmed by the list in my hand. He was searching for e-mails, and finding nothing. Searching for receipts and finding nothing that would help. It was only we came to our anniversary date and there was no e-mail or receipts to confirm that, I realised that I was his confirmation of that one. That was the point where I knew we had take the madness out of the situation, and pull together or we didn't stand a chance. When I said about the texts, he handed me his phone. There were conversations on it with her, but they were general ones or moaning about her new boss. My heart sank when I saw one that said he missed her. When she asked if he did, he followed it with 'yep - no one can sniff out a good place for a bacon butty like you can,' It was that kind of banter. She'd even sent him one that day, wishing him a nice evening.

Please don't feel bad about this thread. The ticket opened the wounds, not the thread, and has been a reminder that things can and will set me back. The thread has actually helped me to get everything off my chest. It's been amazing to see other people's view points, whether they've been for or against, but mainly it's forced me think things through. Be logical about it. It's also reminded me of how bad things were, how hard we fought to overcome it, and far we've come from those days.

The evidence wasn't watertight, but I don't think it ever could be. In a way, I think it would have been more suspicious if he'd said 'there you go' and handed over a perfect set of receipts covering the specific time period. I think the ticket is always going to be a weak spot for me, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm ready to look forward again. He has suggested another weekend away, because we didn't get to go on this one. One thing is for sure - it won't be bloody Paris!