Paris Metro ticket - possible proof of an affair

Gloomendoom

My ex-wife was like this. If I had jam on my toast in the morning instead of my usual marmalade, it would be enough to trigger her to search my car and go through the pockets of all my clothes. She would surreptitiously examine all my bank and credit card statements in minute detail.

To be fair, her previous relationship had been with a serial cheater, but it the constant suspicion did for our marriage.

duchy

Knightsuntold wrote: »

Yes, but I bet the tickets were for places you'd been to, and not a completely random one. I've seen the statements from that time, but they're silent - he generally deal in cash, or his company credit card.

He will still need to have submitted expenses claims whether he paid by company CC or cash-only an idiot wouldn't keep a copy.

Paris wasn't random though - someone known to use that bag did go to Paris. Have you ever asked your MIL about Paris (maybe you could be planning a trip and looking for her advice)......did she use the Metro - was it easy to use etc. If she says she didn't use it you'd have an answer...if she tells you about those marvelous Carnet tickets - then maybe you don't)

melanzana

Knightsuntold wrote: »

Saga. Lovely. I'm glad that you view my problems in that way, and I've presumably provided you all with some free entertainment.

No offence intended. You have posted on an open forum on the internet.

And although I have kept out of the discussion up to now, I don't think many readers would be blamed for being a teeny bit sceptical about this.

You are making a mountain out of a molehill here. There is no way to find out if the ticket was his or not.

The bunny boiler is an interesting feature.

You have issues yourself it seems regarding trust, and a rather vivid imagination to my mind.

Leave him, or ask him out straight. Only answer. I don't think you will trust him ever again, if your suspicions have been roused to this extent based on a piece of cardboard.

That is no way to live.

clint_S

Does the Ticket have a t or a t+ on it? I'm sure the t was replaced with the t+ in 2012/2013. That will at least let you know if it's older than 4 years.


* you could get a t+ ticket before then but the t ticket was stopped.

paddy's_mum

OP - I think that you might be wise to bow out of this thread now.

You have been given a broad sweep of responses, certainly enough to give you a great deal of food for thought and if you are feeling somewhat 'got at', that will itself skew your thinking and replies.

Time perhaps to take the advice of that wonderful poem about friendship - take the good but with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away. (George Eliot)

I wish you peace of mind.

FBaby

OP, I'll be totally honest, but from what you've written over 9 pages, I do think he was in Paris. I think that all the 'evidence' that you've dismissed could have as well been considered as proof, and in the end, it's the accumulation of inconsistencies that makes it all so unlikely to be all made up.

You could so easily turn the questions the other way around:
- First, why would your OH have mentioned that she tried to kiss him and is it really realistic that someone higher up than him would have decided that she should be moved, against his wishes because he really wanted her to stay? That itself doesn't seem very logical as most people in his situation would have just kept quiet, if only because let's face it, if she is that psycho, surely her defense would have just been that he was the one who tried to kiss her, or more.

- If her vendetta was to do with her moving and being demoted, would her revenge really would have been turned towards you, someone she liked, rather than just focus on incriminated him in some way so that he would be the one losing his job/having to move?

- If she was so twisted that she was prepared to go to the length of finding the necklace he bought you and then go and buy another one to pretend he'd bought it, don't you think she would have managed to come up with some form of photo shoot that would have put them together? Much easier and cheaper to do than to go and buy a necklace and so much more incriminating.

- You say that it can't be true that she was with him every work do because he was with you once, but from her perspective, if she spent 20 occasions, she might have just forgotten about this one. Maybe it's one she couldn't make, or maybe she was there, and he just told her that you'd unexpectedly showed up, so she had to be well behaved and keep quiet.

Everything is possible and from my perspective, equally so.

From what you've said, I think that it is very possible that they were having an affair. I think it is also very possible that he wasn't at all, and he just got caught in various suspicious circumstances that was bad luck. Or, and I think this is very likely, they were not YET having an affair, but that trip to Paris was arranged, however, when they got there, things went wrong and he told her that he didn't want to go through with it. She got very !!!!ed off and that's what got her to do what she did, however, from his point of view, he'd been a very good husband since he didn't go through with it, and he could only lie about having gone to Paris because if he told you that he intended on starting an affair but that he changed his mind then, you would never have believed him, so better lie. She can't prove they had had an affair because they hadn't before then, but there is some evidence that he was indeed in Paris.

Malthusian

Knightsuntold wrote: »

"History of irrational behaviour, which is beyond dispute" - what exactly is that history? Please, if you know, do share, as all I've got is circumstantial.

Knightsuntold wrote: »

She didn't back off quietly. There were a number of anonymous complaints made to my partner's work, all of which were investigated, and he was cleared of, but the pressure was awful. We had 36 calls to his mobile on Christmas Day. My car was vandalised. I had flowers delivered in work on Valentine's Day, and rang to thank him, only he hadn't sent them. I got text messages telling me that blue suited me, when I'd been wearing a blue dress. Anything and everything that went wrong, she got the blame for. Another girl that works in the firm told me to watch my back, and she intimated that the other girl had form for this, but wouldn't give me anything concrete. It wasn't just the things that happened, it was the fear of what could happen. Then it all stopped, as suddenly as it started.

Please don't tell me that it might have been some other random person sending you "I'm watching you" texts about your blue dress.

I said "beyond dispute" in the sense that we have to take your posts at face value.

Given what you told us about her stalking and harrassment, it is easier to believe that she is lying about being with your husband on your anniversary when you know he was with you, than to believe that after you fell asleep after celebrating your anniversary, he snuck off to his mistress' room, had a rendezvous with her, then snuck back before you woke up, while somehow concealing your presence from his mistress.

clint_S wrote:

Does the Ticket have a t or a t+ on it? I'm sure the t was replaced with the t+ in 2012/2013. That will at least let you know if it's older than 4 years.

2007. So no help there.

fairy_lights

Knightsuntold wrote: »

No, she hasn't. The closest is a black leather jacket on the back of the chair in the hotel room, and he does wear a black leather jacket... but so do millions of other people.

I've only just noticed this post. I don't think leather jackets are all that common really, and for her to have been in the hotel room with another leather jacket wearing man at the same time as your leather jacket wearing husband was away on an unverified trip seems a bit too coincidental.
The more details of your posts I read, the more I'm inclined to think he did have the affair, and was in Paris.
The other woman may be a nutter of Gone Girl proportions capable of spending months putting together a plan to destroy the life of someone she thinks got her demoted...but in the balance of probability I think the other version is more likely.

hugonellie

I've never posted on this board before, but read it almost every day.

I actually feel sorry for the OP. I was in a VERY similar situation to yourself, so you have my sympathy. The crazy person in question was so warped that she sent a second phone she had, messages to and from herself to create a made up conversation - then changed the name of the contact in her phone for me to believe it was my partner.

She tracked my partners iPhone after getting into her icloud / itunes account using something called Find My Friends - so she knew when I was at work and my partner had left our home - and told me each and every time she did she was with my partner. I couldn't get my head around all of the coincidences, they literally made no sense. I repeatedly questioned my partner about it, the text conversations I thought they were having, how she only got in contact when I wasn't with my partner and as much as I wanted to believe crazy was indeed crazy my over thinking and wanting complete proof I drove myself insane. It went on for months - it brings you down.

Eventually it all came out when the police got involved - and my partner was telling the truth. We're thankfully still together now but for months it was touch and go.

The mind is a funny thing, I wanted to believe my partner was telling the truth the whole time but just couldn't stop overthinking it, as everything pointed to crazy telling the truth.

I'm not sure if this helps any, but I do genuinely feel sorry for you - just reading this thread makes my stomach turn.

I would ask him again outright - I wouldn't bother bringing anyone else into it, being sneaky and asking behind peoples backs. You will know when you ask him. If he loves you he will do anything he can to help you get over this, to help you both move on.

crazycatlady1984

I don't have anything particularly helpful to say I'm afraid other than that I have been where you are and it is awful.

As regards the ticket, frustratingly, it looks like a dead end, it doesn't sound like there is any way of finding out when it was from.

If it was me, I would not confront him about it. Either he will tell the truth about it (whatever that may be) or he will lie, and I don't think you will be able to know which it is.

As I believe someone has touched upon, the stress of something like this can result in you actually wanting to find proof just for the relief of knowing.

It sounds to me like it's very recent that you've found this ticket? I reckon take a few days, sleep on it, try to act normal, and there may be something you remember / can find out that can corroborate things either way.

Hope you're ok xx