Paris Metro ticket - possible proof of an affair

duchy

duchy wrote: »

I saw this differently my ex had an assistant who had a crush on him, she pretended she was his friend ,she had access to his mobile (like the OPs OH he was a sod for leaving it around unlocked) would offer to work late with him, knew his schedule better than he did . In these days of open plan offices , work schedules open to view on line by whole departments and the absence of anything definitive (not even a partial photo despite her obsession with taking photos of everything for Facebook ) and the series of "incidents" and a previously well thought of high flyer basically transferred and demoted it all points at a bunny boiler who made a nusience of herself. The necklace , he asked the women in the office if they thought you'd like it and she bought her own. No none of it is normal or rational but if someone is in the thrall of a crush or obsession then they aren't rational.
Maybe he was friendly to her and she misread and was devestated when he rejected her when she tried to kiss him and it triggered a whole revenge scenario (pretty humiliating to be rejected by someone you have to continue to see at work every day).

All of the above sounds more plausible than an affair , mainly because of her lie about your anniversary. If there was an affair she'd have had no reason to lie about that as she'd have genuine incidents she could have told you about instead. That lie wipes out any credibility for the rest of her tales.

EDIT I sound like I'm defending him , I'm really not. I've been where you are and your head runs riot with what ifs but I keep coming back to why she'd lie about spending one particular night with him when she clearly didn't. If that was fantasy then what else was ......the logical answer is ......all of it (especially as this apart he has never given you any reason to doubt him ....or if he has you haven't mentioned it)

-taff

Well....forget everything for a minute and ask yourself...
If you asked him and he said he didn't buy the ticket, would you believe him?
If you asked him and he said he did buy the ticket would you believe him?

Either way, you're not going to believe he's been faithful because a ticket is the hinge of your trust in him.

You either have to believe it's a stupid co-incedence or he's lying. No-one can really help because no-one knows the answers as far as divining what the numbers on a ticket mean...

duchy

Knightsuntold wrote: »

Yes This ticket can't be explained either way and that's the difference.

Unless it was MILs , which is more plausible. If you drove to Paris for an illicit weekend you'd either not leave the hotel much or would use the car you brought with you. Buying a carnet of tickets (10 tickets) wouldn't make sense. If you used the Metro it'd be more likely to be just once or twice so you'd buy individual tickets not plan ahead and buy a set of ten surely ?

Knightsuntold

duchy wrote: »

But this isn't, You've found a ticket in a piece of communal luggage and you know one of the people who use it did go to Paris. The person claiming he went to Paris you've proved lied about travelling and staying with him on another occasion Your anniversary so logically it is far more likely they lied about Paris too.

If this was a piece of evidence in a court case it would be dismissed as the word of a proven liar when placed with the probability that it was your MILs. If the ticket is dated and you were serious about finding out you could look back to bank and credit card statements and expenses records for those dates. If he waselsewhere on those dates then you'll see transactions without exchange rate conversions. It's easy enough to get copies of old statements even if they aren't retrievable on line. You are sounding like you are talking yourself into believing he was in Paris regardless. Maybe a defence mechanism but very unfair if he wasn't. You've opened up old wounds and when that happens logic can fly out the window.

No. All I can prove is that she didn't stay in his bed on that particular night. I've no idea if she travelled with him, or if she was in the same hotel. To be honest, it's more than likely that she was. I can say that I slept for roughly six hours. I can say that I didn't wake up and realise that he wasn't there. Could I stand up in court and provide an alibi in a murder case to prove that he didn't leave the room? No. I'm not saying he did leave the room, or indeed murder someone, just making the point.

The ticket is evidence and many a case has been won or lost on a lot less, If it was partner's mum's, it has remained undisturbed for over 5 years. That means that every time I've picked that bag up to pack it in the last 5 years, I've not found it. Granted, it's not been packed often in the last 2, but it certainly was in the previous 3. On the balance of probability, that ticket was not there in the previous 3 years. Please don't forget that I came on here to see if anyone had knowledge of the codes on Paris Metro tickets, to find out the date it was issued.

Yes, I checked bank statements at the time, but they were silent. There is nothing unusual about that, as my partner has always been a cash kind of guy, and uses a work's credit card for expenses.

I'm not believing that he was in Paris, but I am more open to possibility that he could have been - there's a world of difference between the two.

Malthusian

Knightsuntold wrote:

No. All I can prove is that she didn't stay in his bed on that particular night. I've no idea if she travelled with him, or if she was in the same hotel. To be honest, it's more than likely that she was. I can say that I slept for roughly six hours. I can say that I didn't wake up and realise that he wasn't there. Could I stand up in court and provide an alibi in a murder case to prove that he didn't leave the room?

Are we seriously now discussing the possibility that on your anniversary, your husband, after celebrating his anniversary with his wife, waited until you were asleep, snuck off to another room in the hotel, had a passionate rendezvous with his mistress, then snuck back within six hours before you woke up? And simultaneously managed to keep the fact that you were there from his mistress and come up with a convincing reason why she had to stay in a separate room from him and he had to get back to his before morning that didn't involve his wife? This is a great plot for a Whitehall farce but not a great reason for ending a relationship.

You can say "I'm not saying..." but even raising the possibility is giving it far more significance than it deserves. Compared to the possibility that this woman, who has a history of irrational behaviour which is beyond dispute, i.e. the poison pen texts and "I'm watching you" messages, is a fantasist.

The ticket is evidence and many a case has been won or lost on a lot less

In North Korea or Salem, maybe.

Please don't forget that I came on here to see if anyone had knowledge of the codes on Paris Metro tickets, to find out the date it was issued.

We've established that the codes on the ticket contain no information of use to you. If you're still here we have to assume it's because you want to talk through the wider issue.

*edit* Just to illustrate the point, if someone was murdered in the vicinity that night, then yes you can give your husband an alibi. Most juries in this country would consider there was reasonable doubt that a man could sneak out of bed, commit murder, wash the blood off his clothes, successfully hide all the other evidence and be back in bed without waking up his wife within six hours.

Cap_Hero

You go girl.

In my opinion.

Knightsuntold

duchy wrote: »

I saw this differently my ex had an assistant who had a crush on him, she pretended she was his friend ,she had access to his mobile (like the OPs OH he was a sod for leaving it around unlocked) would offer to work late with him, knew his schedule better than he did . In these days of open plan offices , work schedules open to view on line by whole departments and the absence of anything definitive (not even a partial photo despite her obsession with taking photos of everything for Facebook ) and the series of "incidents" and a previously well thought of high flyer basically transferred and demoted it all points at a bunny boiler who made a nusience of herself. The necklace , he asked the women in the office if they thought you'd like it and she bought her own. No none of it is normal or rational but if someone is in the thrall of a crush or obsession then they aren't rational.
Maybe he was friendly to her and she misread and was devestated when he rejected her when she tried to kiss him and it triggered a whole revenge scenario (pretty humiliating to be rejected by someone you have to continue to see at work every day).

All of the above sounds more plausible than an affair , mainly because of her lie about your anniversary. If there was an affair she'd have had no reason to lie about that as she'd have genuine incidents she could have told you about instead. That lie wipes out any credibility for the rest of her tales.

That's roughly how I saw it at the time. My partner is a good-looking guy, with a great personality and very charismatic - he's the type that can silence a room by just clearing his throat. He can be charming, and he can be flirty, but to me, it's all within reason. I would go as far as to say that they were good friends, and did a lot of project work together. She was in charge of his diary. I really liked her, and I was so grateful for her taking some of the strain off my partner.

When she was transferred, my partner was disappointed. He said that she was the best PA he'd ever had, it was rare to find someone that worked in the same way as he did, and was so dedicated. She wasn't demoted, but transferred to his equivalent in another department, who was in a new role, and needed a lot of help. She does have plenty of photos of him, usually when he's giving a presentation or when they're relaxing afterwards, but with other people. Interestingly, those photos are still on her social media.

The only thing that worries me about the anniversary date, is what of she just printed out his whole diary, and included that date by accident, because she was with him every other time? I'm not saying that is the case, but I'm not ruling out that it is a possibility.

jamiehelsinki

The ticket could have been placed in his bag by the same woman around the time she approached you if he had left his bag in the office at all.

There's to many maybe's with all this, don't ruin a relationship because of what an ex has done to you in the past.

Things like this eat away at you and your constantly looking for more evidence, I've been there in the past.

Knightsuntold

NBLondon wrote: »

I can see how this is tying you up in knots after being lied to in the past, being confronted by someone with major issues - so it obviously makes you look for anything that might fit a pattern - or break an established pattern. You've already talked yourself into possibilities of how the bunny boiler could have found out things to support her story and someone else has told you that she's got form...


The shirt could be a red-herring. 18.5" slim fit isn't an average size, so if he was buying one in a hurry, he might well have had to get a standard fit as that was all that there was (and I speak as a man who once forgot to pack enough shirts and had to buy one at 0900 for an 0930 meeting.) If it's not his preferred style and it was cheap he may well have now chucked it or relegated it to shoe cleaning duties.


Given the time lag - you've really got to make the decision to a) put it all aside and concentrate on what you are doing with your relationship now or b) tell your partner why you are worried and produce the ticket. Asking your MIL might not get you anywhere with anything - I suppose you could ask her if she had any leftover Metro tickets from her last trip which could get an answer of "I never went on the Metro" or "Might do - I'll have a look". (I've got two or three in my desk that are probably ten years old!)

Thank you for understanding. At the moment I am ricocheting between the various possibilities. As for the person who said she'd got form... well, she didn't give me anything concrete, and she lost out on promotion to other girl, so there could be an axe to grind there.

Yes, I understand that about the shirt, and I know how difficult it is to find them in that size. I didn't question it at the time. The thing that made it stick in my memory was the way he went from being completely exhausted and just wanting to chill out with a beer, to 'get your gladrags on', we're going out, and the fact that he actually put the washing machine on. It sounds stupid, but he never does that. He will separate his washing out, and even put it in the machine, but he never turns it on.

The intention was to find the date of the ticket, so if it tied in with his mum's trip, I could bin it, but if it tied in with that Paris trip, I could sit him down with hard facts. It's a lot more difficult to lie to someone who is one step ahead of you, and has hard facts.

Knightsuntold

-taff wrote: »

So she told you she'd been to Paris at the same time she told you she'd spent your anniversary with him?

No. She told me that she'd spent every business trip with him, and gave me a list of dates and times, which was basically his diary, which she had access to, as she was his one of his PAs. One date stuck out, as it was our anniversary. Usually he takes that date off, but he couldn't, because of pressure of work, and he was on an over-nighter. We arranged for me to drive down that evening and I sneaked in to his hotel room. Work do not allow partners on business trips, and yes, we broke the rules on that one.

The Paris trip was something that the potential other woman, said that he'd taken her on. I knew I'd seen Paris photos on her social media site (we have friends in common), so I checked the dates. The dates coincide with business trip where my partner was supposed to be in Bristol (I think). At the time, his contact pattern changed significantly, but he blamed on a dodgy phone and lack of decent WIFI. I didn't question it, and just put it down to one of those things.