Am I just an 'old fashioned' thinker

swingaloo

Sorry this is a longish post but Im 'niggled' and dont really understand why!!!

Ive posted before about a couple of people I know who dont have any control at all of their kids. Both of the people in question have now got kids in early teens and they are struggling more than ever.

My kids are grown up and were brought up in what was quite a different era when children had more respect for authority. Im firmly in the camp of thinking that if you set boundaries and adhere to them when children are younger rather than letting them run rings round you then you are in a better position when the 'rebellious' teenage years come around.
But, I raised mine some years ago when there was discipline at school and rules were rules so maybe my way of thinking just does not hold water.

My sister has been having issues with her 2 teens especially the daughter. (14)

Today they have been invited to ours for a Sunday roast at tea time. She had actually asked if they could come as she wanted to have a 'family Sunday' rather than the daughter disappearing for the day God knows where and the son sitting in his room on the Playstation or wandering the streets.


The daughter is a fussy eater so Ive been out and bought in specially for her and prepared a 'veggie' meal for her. Just had a message left on my phone to say that sis will be coming on her own as the daughter wants to see her friends and has made arrangements and the son (15) is going out with his girlfriend.

Both of them were aware that they were coming here a few days ago and whilst I know its not on every teenagers dream list to go out for tea I still think its bloody rude to just refuse to come at the last minute.

Sis says she has told them both they are out of order but that she 'Cant make them come'.

I dont know who Im most annoyed at, the kids, my sis for letting them dictate or myself for having expectations.

I had mine in the days when you just said 'You are going and thats that!' but I know its not that way anymore so I dont really know why I feel so niggled.

Rant over- thanks for reading.

tea_lover

I'd be very annoyed at your sister.

FBaby

I had mine in the days when you just said 'You are going and thats that!' but I know its not that way anymore so I dont really know why I feel so niggled.

It's still that way for many families, however, I agree, it seems that these families are becoming the exception rather than the norm. I too am totally dismayed at the rudeness and sense of entitlement of young people and even more so that their parents seem to accept it or even encourage it.

Saying that, I am pleased that not only my children don't fall into that category, but nor do their friends. On the opposite, I am often impressed how polite they are. I always get a big thank you if I take them/pick them up and from listening to their conversation, it is clear that their parents rule the roost!

I'm sorry that your niece and nephew have shown to be disrespectful, but ultimately, it is certainly not your fault for looking forward to see them, and not really theirs for trying it on, but your sister (and their dad?). Hopefully, when they get over teenage awkward years, they will turn into pleasant and considerate young adults.

System

I'd be annoyed with your Sister too. The teenagers live in her house, under her rules. Ok, that doesnt give her the excuse to be a tyrant but i think she should have put her foot down in this instance.

Next time she wants a family Sunday, i suggest you go to hers.

Rosemary7391

Well, it isn't the kids fault if they've not been taught manners... And not just told once, but made to practise them until they're just as normal as breathing.

I agree at this stage she can't make them come, they're a bit old to be picked up and carried as a toddler, but there should be consequences for being so rude. There will be consequences later in life, so better that they learn now.

System

I agree at this stage she can't make them come,

Want to bet?

Who cooks their food? Who does their laundry? Just a withdrawal of certain services should be enough for them to realize that life isnt all about them.

Of course, you cant 'make' a child go but you can make their easy life pretty difficult for a day or two if you want to make a point.

LilElvis

I would definitely be having a look at my Christmas present expenditure if I were you - both your sister and her kids/brats.

Primrose

I can understand your annoyance. We had the same rules in our household when . i was growing up and certain family visits were not allowed to be compromised. They were annoying as a teenager but now I look back on them as being part of my childhood fabric and heritage.

I!d be very tempted to convey my annoyance to the sister and her children telling them that you had made an effort to entertain them all and were disappointed they had let you down. I have no doubt they'll still be willing to tap for a wedding present when the time comes. Maybe they would like to reflect on that other side of the coin !!

How about a note to the teenagers? Dear John and Janet. Sorry you let me down today and didn't come to dinner as arranged especially as I had prepared a special vegetarian meal for Janet . However now you are obviously "grown up" and old enough to make such decisions for yourselves I'm assuming you won,t mind if we drop the childish custom of Christmas and birthday presents. Love Auntie Swingaloo

missbiggles1

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

Well, it isn't the kids fault if they've not been taught manners... And not just told once, but made to practise them until they're just as normal as breathing.

I agree at this stage she can't make them come, they're a bit old to be picked up and carried as a toddler, but there should be consequences for being so rude. There will be consequences later in life, so better that they learn now.

I'm afraid that's the defeatist attitude that causes lots of these problems.:(

thorsoak

"Oh what a pity that they couldn't come - you could have taken your Christmas presents back with you - but I've taken them to the local centre for homeless youngsters now".

WantToBeSE

I don't see why anyone should be forced into doing things they don't want to.

If they don't want to come, what's the point in making them? They may be 'children' but they are still people.

I'd just be more annoyed at your sister for wasting your money and buying special stuff for the daughter, she could have told you ahead of time to save you that time/effort/money.