Contact transport arrangements

suki1964

doing_it_for_my_babies wrote: »

Nothing, I also have to do this . Although its rare I go out when the kids are with me . But when the children are supposed to be having contact with their dad and ive planned something , ie not being in the county and bought tickets etc etc . I get a little cheesed off . regardless of which my kids would always come first.

In the time we have been seperated I have never cancelled my contact weekends with them. i know what the response would be if I ever asked him to have an extra weekend with them .

If we are talking about fair wouldnt you go hell or high water to be with your kids?

Life isn't fair though

So why is he cancelling if you all get along as well as you say?

Person_one

suki1964 wrote: »

Life isn't fair though

So why is he cancelling if you all get along as well as you say?

Maybe because he wants to do something else and knows that there's nothing the OP can do to force him to take the kids when he said he will?

I think the OP is getting a bit of a hard time unnecessarily. Yes, it would be fair to share the travelling, that was sorted in about 3 posts!

I don't think its unreasonable though for her to be a bit annoyed if her ex is due to have the children, she makes plans, and then he changes his mind so she has to cancel her plans. That would be unfair whoever was doing it!

gonzo127

i am the NRP, although i have my daughter for nearly 6 days out of 14, every other week Wednesday to Sunday night and every other Wednesday, and i do all the travel for seeing her, as i know if i didnt i wouldnt get to see her, as my ex would not do the drop off or pick up.

and yes it does annoy me that it isnt shared at least a little, as its about 10 miles each way so roughly 40 miles a week to just pick up and drop off my daughter, (ignoring school runs on the days i have her) yes its worth it and i would travel even further because i want to see her. but it adds and extra £20 a month onto my travel costs, which granted is not a lot in the grand scheme of things, but would be nice for it to be shared.

and i guess the icing on the cake is that if i am 'late' dropping her off (even by 5 mins) for what ever reason i get it in the neck because i might have spoilt her plans and obviously am doing it just to spite her etc etc, but she doesnt understand the thoughts that if she has something planned for a specific time, she should either tell me or pick her up herself, but when the situation is flipped, i just have to put up with it

anyways i know its not going to change, and i want to see my daughter so just have to put up with it

AylesburyDuck

Really not sure why the OP is getting so much grief, WOW, some people can be offended to olympic gold medal standard.
OP, if this is (as it sounds) something he moans about from time to time just tell him he's been doing it for ~(insert years) and frankly he's not doing you a favour he's treating his kids with the respect they themselves deserve.

baby_lemonade

Person_one wrote: »

I don't think its unreasonable though for her to be a bit annoyed if her ex is due to have the children, she makes plans, and then he changes his mind so she has to cancel her plans. That would be unfair whoever was doing it!

There's two sides to every story.

I just feel sorry for the children, who are in the middle of all this. I don't know how old they are or if they're big enough to understand what's going on (children often know a lot more than the adults think they do) but it seems both parents were quite willing to create these children but at least one parent now sees them as an inconvenience to their social life.

I do hope they can grow up and get things sorted out between them. It's only an 8 mile journey. You could do that on the bus in less than half an hour!

TBagpuss

It's perfectly reasonable to share the travel.

How it is shared is up to the individual paretns themselves to decide - I find it often works well for the parent having the contact to collect the children at the start of their time together, and for the other parent to collect them at the end, as that way, if one of you is delayed, you are eating into your own time with the children, not that of the other parent.

If you find that the time the children have with their dad makes it difficult for you to go away, why not suggest he has some extra time with them? You could of him the opportunity to have them for a longer period, or even over until Monday morning, either on a regualr basis or from time to time when you want to go away, or when he wants to take the children away. As he is bringing up the trnasport issue, now could be a good time to raise that.

Quite apart from the fact that sharing the travel is a fair way to do things, it can also be very positive for the children, as the fact that both of their parents are actively involved sends them a clear message that the contact has the support of both parents.

So yes, totally reasonable request, and one which has benefits for your children. I'm surprised it has taken him 3 years to ask.

Of course, it is open to you to tell him you won't share the travelling, a lot of non-resident parents do grit their teeth and get on with things in those situations becaue contact is better than no contact, but it is worth thinking about what your children are going to take awayfrom this in terms of learning about fiarness, compromise etc.

hec2308

My understanding and experience (which granted is relatively limited) is that transport is usually shared in these things. My father moved 100 miles away when my parents divorced and my mother was still expected to meet him halfway transport-wise.

doing_it_for_my_babies

"I just feel sorry for the children, who are in the middle of all this. I don't know how old they are or if they're big enough to understand what's going on (children often know a lot more than the adults think they do) but it seems both parents were quite willing to create these children but at least one parent now sees them as an inconvenience to their social life."

Well Im sorry my I make the most of my 48 ( 4 of them working) hours without my children every 2 weeks , they have never been an inconvieniance and never will be. What is the inconvienace is him cancelling his agreed contact when i have arranged to go away and be me and not mum maybe i should sit at home and mope. Yes I miss my kids, but having a social life and interaction with freinds keeps me sane.

maybe it is fair , but when its agreed initially not demanded three years later. he is doing it for the kids not me .

Yes there is two sides to every story. The judge listened to his side and told him to stop being such a prat and to agree to my very amicable settlement. Lets put it this way , he wanted to make his kids homeless.

So yes hes a lovely bloke. but hes still my childrens father.

8 miles in my area takes considerably longer than half an hour on the bus. considering where he lives .

doing_it_for_my_babies

TBagpuss wrote: »

Of course, it is open to you to tell him you won't share the travelling, a lot of non-resident parents do grit their teeth and get on with things in those situations becaue contact is better than no contact, but it is worth thinking about what your children are going to take awayfrom this in terms of learning about fiarness, compromise etc.

Its when you comprimise and comprise and comprimise then enough is enough.

I do more than my fair share believe me.

baby_lemonade

doing_it_for_my_babies wrote: »

The judge listened to his side and told him to stop being such a prat and to agree to my very amicable settlement.

Yes, I'm sure (s)he did.....