Finances as a couple

Gloomendoom

catkins wrote: »

I had 2 cats before I met OH and he had 2 dogs. When we married they all became our pets.

I would never have married someone who didn't feel the same way as I do about animals and neither would OH.

To us any pets we have or have had are part of the family. Also although I do the majority of dog walking as I don't work, we love walking together and see it as time we can spend as a "family"

Before we were married Mrs G accused me of thinking more of my cat than of her. I responded that if she asked me to choose, the cat would win. That may seem strange to some people.

Thankfully, she didn't ask me to choose, and when the cat died she was absolutely heartbroken, as was I.

KiKi

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Before we were married Mrs G accused me of thinking more of my cat than of her. I responded that if she asked me to choose, the cat would win.

Marry me.

..

catkins

FBaby wrote: »

If you and your partner were of a similar size, would you have one wardrobe for unisex clothing that you could both wear? I wouldn't because I wouldn't like the idea that the thing I wanted to wear one morning was not available because OH had already worn it, or because it was in the wash. Similarly, I wouldn't want to have to ask him in the morning if it was ok to wear one item in case he had planned to wear it. Also wouldn't want to have to shop together for these items to decide what was ok to buy since both would wear it.

To me, having separate accounts is bit similar to this. I like to know what's in my wardrobe and decide what to wear when I want!

I don't see it that way at all.

As I said, each couple has to decide what they think will work best for them but for me and OH just 1 joint account works.

I don't know how others who have single and joint accounts work out exactly how much to pay into the joint account but surely amounts paid out every month often vary?

Yes rent, mortgage, council tax etc are a set amount but most people spend differing amounts on food, fuel (if there is only 1 car), nights out together etc.

What if one person earns a lot more than their other half? Faffing around trying to work out percentages of how much each should pay into a joint account I just could not be bothered with. A lot of our married life OH has been self employed so his earnings vary widely month to month. That would have made it difficult to work out how much he should have put into a joint account.

We know a couple where one earns only about £22,000 a year and the other earns around £200,000 a year. They have separate accounts and a joint account. Admittedly the higher owner pays more then half on the mortgage, bills etc but it still leaves them far more "spending" money than the other. The higher earner buys designer clothes whilst the other shops in places like Primark, one drives a nice car, the other an old banger. They do go on nice holidays but because the higher earner pays more for the holiday they each pay for their own flights. One travels first class the other doesn't.

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Before we were married Mrs G accused me of thinking more of my cat than of her. I responded that if she asked me to choose, the cat would win. That may seem strange to some people.

Thankfully, she didn't ask me to choose, and when the cat died she was absolutely heartbroken, as was I.

I know people who have got rid of their pets because a new partner didn't like them. I don't know how people do that

BNT

catkins wrote: »

We know a couple where one earns only about £22,000 a year and the other earns around £200,000 a year. They have separate accounts and a joint account. Admittedly the higher owner pays more then half on the mortgage, bills etc but it still leaves them far more "spending" money than the other. The higher earner buys designer clothes whilst the other shops in places like Primark, one drives a nice car, the other an old banger. They do go on nice holidays but because the higher earner pays more for the holiday they each pay for their own flights. One travels first class the other doesn't.

Assuming they are married, I find that bizarre. I can understand that, if one partner is paid more than the other and they operate separate accounts, that one might have more in his/her account than the other. But the idea of assuming that because one earns more and has more in in his account, he/she gets to spend more on him/herself doesn't sound like a couple. It sounds more like two people living in shared accommodation.

sheramber

We have 2 joint current accounts.

One is for all direct debits. Salaries paid into that account. Enough to covet the DDs is left in teh account and the balance transferred to the other account. This account is used to pay for everything else.

Any cash needed is drawn out from that account and credit cards paid from it for joint os single purchases.

Any extra money is savings and transferred to a savings account.

There is no my money or his money. It is our money.

This has worked for us for 48 years.

Lunar_Eclipse

We operate solely out of a joint account, but if we had joint and sole ones, I'd run all household expenses from the former and "wants" (eg books!) from the latter.

But of course I'm saying this from my 'sharing everything' perspective (we're married so the law dictates that's the case whether we agree or not), so I'm not concerned with who consumes more alcohol (him), who spends more on transport (him) or who spends more on clothes (me.)

MallyGirl

joint all the way here. We each have credit cards but they get paid from the joint account so presents are masked within the total. He has more expensive taste in cars but mine is the practical family car (which in the end cost more than his boy toy) and he is more of a gadget man (but then I got an Ipad Pro for my birthday so maybe that doesn't hold up too well either). Neither of us is bothered about clothes, designer stuff, fancy haircuts. Our most expensive luxury is our dogs and all the gear that is associated with them.
When I took a year off on maternity there was no faffing around with his money vs my reduced income. Nice and simple.

Slinky

catkins wrote: »

. One travels first class the other doesn't.

Good lord, I've seen it all now.

maman

catkins wrote: »

I don't know how others who have single and joint accounts work out exactly how much to pay into the joint account but surely amounts paid out every month often vary?

Yes rent, mortgage, council tax etc are a set amount but most people spend differing amounts on food, fuel (if there is only 1 car), nights out together etc.

We have single and joint accounts here. In fact we have single accounts and then an additional account in my name that we use for bills. DH is happy with that as although he likes to know we're solvent he's happy to leave bill paying and most domestic shopping to me.

To answer your question, we have equivalent amounts of direct debits set up on each of our personal accounts that cover the direct debits for fixed bills. These are useful as it shows the bank the accounts are active and gives us current account interest.


The 'shared' account is a Santander 123 (soon to be 1.5:() and I've put the water and council tax on that for a little cashback. What we do is do almost all our spending on our separate credit cards (again with a little cashback) and at the end of each month we do the maths. We spilt all the shared costs (meals out, food shopping, gifts for family, fuel, theatre tickets etc) 50:50 and pay for our own personal spending. DH transfers his 50% plus all the money for his personal spending to the 'shared' account and the credit card bills are paid from there. It's really simple, just 10 minutes doing a bit of arithmetic.


Coming back to OPs original question, some of the things posters have decided was shared or personal spending have surprised me. The only 'personal' things we buy from the shared account would be toiletries that come from the supermarket like toothpaste and shampoo. Things that come from cosmetic counters like after shave or make up would be personal. No way can I imagine clothes coming from the shared account. My DH has an expensive hobby which he completely finances himself. What he buys are sort of antiques so inanimate but I suppose it would be more of a grey area if his hobby was a pet. Having a pet live with you is perhaps a shared decision so I can see why people would share that expense.


Fortunately, we've brought in similar money most of the time so no need for working out percentages. That would be a difficult one for me. I'd find it very difficult to be 'kept' for any length of time.

melanzana

A "Running away money" fund is very important.... just to mention.

Not saying any poster here is or will be in that situation, but when I read of people (usually female) not having anything to call her own, and desperate to exit a difficult or abusive relationship, I always think, WHY did/do you not have a separate fund just for yourself? Why?

For that reason, as no one knows what the future holds, a separate account is very reasonable for each party. Joint for everything else maybe.