Finances as a couple

catkins

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I do appreciate what you're saying and that yours is an unusual situation - fortunately my late husband and I had similar income levels through most of our marriage, although it didn't matter at the times when that wasn't the case.

In the later years, most presents were joint (TV, Kindles, dogs) which worked best for us - if he wanted a book or a CD he bought it, if I wanted a book or perfume I did the same. I don't think I could have bought him a big present if I hadn't my own income - he wouldn't have minded but it wouldn't have seemed right to me.

I don't think my situation is that unusual. I know a few couples where the woman didn't work for a number of years when they had young children and a few couples where one doesn't work because of ill health but is not entitled to any sort of benefits.

Gloomendoom wrote: »

If you are married, all the money in your joint account, or any account, is as much yours as it is his. It doesn't matter who earned it.

I (and my OH) totally agree. That's why I said money in our joint account is "technically" his.

We have always thought of any money we had as "ours" no matter where it came from

cloudninety wrote: »

Another example of where we differ on this (which I had forgotten about until one of the replies jogged my memory) is that I am keen for us to get a family dog. My partner isn't hugely keen on dogs but was happy for us to get one at some point, however when we were discussing our views on finances he said that he thought I should have to pay for everything dog related from my individual money ('pocket money'/personal spends money) because he isn't fussed about getting a dog. I was surprised by this because I viewed a dog as a family thing and that we would be getting it as a family and if he didn't want to have a dog that we wouldn't then get one.

I find it very strange that he would expect you to pay for a dog. Any pet should really be a "family" pet but a dog, in particular, which needs looking after, walking etc should definitely be part of the family.

If you got a big vet's bill for the dog would he expect you to pay it all? Is he going to have nothing whatsoever to do with the dog?

I think you need to sit down and discuss your views and attitudes towards money/bills etc. It sounds like he has very set ideas which could cause problems if not set out clearly now

missbiggles1

catkins wrote: »

I don't think my situation is that unusual. I know a few couples where the woman didn't work for a number of years when they had young children and a few couples where one doesn't work because of ill health but is not entitled to any sort of benefits.

I think we all tend to know people who are in the same situation as we are, but that doesn't make it typical. Childrearing, on the other hand is just as important as bringing in an income to the family.


I (and my OH) totally agree. That's why I said money in our joint account is "technically" his.

We have always thought of any money we had as "ours" no matter where it came from



I find it very strange that he would expect you to pay for a dog. Any pet should really be a "family" pet but a dog, in particular, which needs looking after, walking etc should definitely be part of the family.

If you got a big vet's bill for the dog would he expect you to pay it all? Is he going to have nothing whatsoever to do with the dog?

I think you need to sit down and discuss your views and attitudes towards money/bills etc. It sounds like he has very set ideas which could cause problems if not set out clearly now

That depends on whether you got the dog before the start of the relationship or not.

TeamPlum

missbiggles1 wrote: »

That depends on whether you got the dog before the start of the relationship or not.

I can understand not liking animals, what I can't understand is living with an animal, that you interact with on a daily basis (and share all the good things it gives you), and still think of it as "your dog".

missbiggles1

TeamPlum wrote: »

I can understand not liking animals, what I can't understand is living with an animal, that you interact with on a daily basis (and share all the good things it gives you), and still think of it as "your dog".

When my first husband and I got together, I'd had my dog for 5 or 6 years so she was never going to be "our" dog, particularly as he would never have chosen to have a dog himself. IIRC, dog food and vets' bills came out of the communal pot but he never walked her and I wouldn't have asked him to.

I wouldn't have got a dog after we got together (I doubt that he woud have agreed) because I agree that, in an ideal world, a dog is part of the family.

NBLondon

Didn't this spin off from a previous thread?


Here's how we work it...


Our salaries go into our own accounts (that we had before we were together). We then pay an agreed amount each month into a joint account that originally came with the mortgage - from which all house costs are paid automatically - utilities, broadband, insurance etc.. The mortgage is now paid off so this (Santander 123) is running at £20K for max interest and surpluses get shuffled into a joint ISA for holidays, house improvements etc.


Groceries and joint house purchases like furniture tend to go on my cashback credit card and that is then paid off from the joint account. It does require me to check the receipts and separate joint purchases from personal ones - but it's worth a bit of effort for the cashback.


Both of us might pay cash for an odd bit of shopping but we keep a small float of physical cash from joint account which can be dipped into - also for paying the window cleaner. Or if we both want something in say, Boots, whoever needs the most stuff will pay and the other will reimburse. Not keeping track to the penny but so it evens out in the long run.


Going out - we take turns, or it's a treat if one of us has had a bonus. Again - a meal out might go on my card for the cashback and m'wife will reimburse me at some point. Or it will be paid for with the cashback.


We each run a car and we pay for those ourselves, along with phones, clothes, hairdressing, reading and presents.


I guess the simple question is - if both of us could or will benefit from it then it could be a joint purchase. If it's only one of us who wants or will use it - it's a personal purchase.


It's easier when you have similar income levels and similar attitudes to spending. And you can sit down and talk about it like grown-ups.

DevilsAdvocate1

cats2012 wrote: »

Everything in one account. Each have our own credit card for if we want to buy the other a present but barely anything goes on those. This will spark a lot of debate though...!

Exactly the same here. Also, I sometimes draw the cash out and then buy the present with that.

It also meant that when the children were small and money was tight, we could both see that it was tight and that there was no room for luxuries. We were both in the same boat, so to speak.

DevilsAdvocate1

missbiggles1 wrote: »

If you have individual credit cards but pay them out of a joint account you might just as well buy things from the joint account in the first place.

Not really because I end up using the card for petrol and other stuff. The bill is paid for from the joint account via a direct debit which clears the card each month. My husband would not know which items were for him, he just sees the grand total (if he ever even bothers to look at the joint account).

missbiggles1

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

Not really because I end up using the card for petrol and other stuff. The bill is paid for from the joint account via a direct debit which clears the card each month. My husband would not know which items were for him, he just sees the grand total (if he ever even bothers to look at the joint account).

I explained earlier that it wasn't the surpise element I was thinking about.

DevilsAdvocate1

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I believe that, in a marriage, everything is owned equally. The difficulty lies in marrying someone who genuinely believes in the same thing (rather than just paying lip service to the idea) particularly when the belief means they have to go without.

I think the problem is more that when money is tight you both have to pull your belts in. There have been times in my marriage where we have struggled to buy food. There was nothing at all left for personal spends.

Now, many years into marriage we haven't got any money worries. The mortgage is small and we have enough. I have a very expensive hobby and my husband a cheap one. All our children have hobbies. But as there is enough money there are no arguments. If money became tight again, I'm sure we'd all do what we could to pull our belts in.

I like that everything is joint because we can both see exactly what the full financial situation is.

Vampgirl

We have individual and joint accounts and credit cards - but in reality everything is pooled. We don't think of it as "yours" and "mine" - it all comes out of the same pot. It probably helps that we earn pretty much the same.

We both have a standing order to the joint account to pay the monthly bills, then all daily spending is on credit cards (for the rewards) and paid off each month from whichever of the individual accounts is most convenient. We discuss pretty much every purchase we make - whether its for the house, cars, clothes, haircuts, and even gifts for other people.

Some people say they want to keep separate accounts so they can treat/surprise their other half....our way around that is not to buy each gifts!. I know some people think we're strange in not buying gifts for each other, but we'd rather buy something special that we both need or want than waste money on trinkets and junk we don't need.