Finances as a couple

Kynthia

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I wouldn't be happy with that clothes scenario (possibly excluding maternity clothes) I'm afraid.

My ex could happily spend at least a couple of hundred quid a month on clothes whereas I lived comfortably in jeans and tops with a couple of smart(ish) dresses for work and a another couple of pretty outfits to go out in - I doubt I spent £100 every 6 months. Spending a lot on clothes is just a choice (and nothing wrong with it) and not something your partner should have to subsidise (except for presents).

As I said my OH doesn't 'have' to do anything. We tried out one way, discussed it, and agreed to change. As long as both of you are happy and there's enough money to save some then things are working. As we both have the same attitude to spending and saving then we both seem quite relaxed and trusting about it. Before marriage and children I couldn't have imagined possibly having no seperate money but I could now, although I know couples where that wouldn't work just because of different spending/saving attitudes so a different system would suit them better. Some seperate funds is nice as then I don't feel guilty if I get a manicure as a treat and it doesn't cause any issues if he chooses to spend three times more on his sister's xmas gift than I spent on mine.

I'd be interested to know more about your thoughts behind the word 'subsidise' when saying he shouldn't have to subsidise my spending on clothes? Is one subsidising the other if they earn different amounts but split the spending evenly, if they put different efforts into saving money and finding bargains, or only if they spend different amounts? I guess it reminds of the old argument that is treating someone or a group 'equally' the same as treating them 'the same' when people and their needs aren't 'the same'.

missbiggles1

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Exactly how we do it too.

People working out "but I pay more for hair care", well, being a woman, you probably will. Then people saying things like "why should I subsidise my partners expensive tastes/hobbies?" Surely if you're a married couple then the household money is both your money to do with as you please?

If my husband monitored everything I spent and vice versa, I would find that very weird indeed. I use his account, he uses mine and any money lying about the house is whoever needs it at any given time.

Trouble is, that works fine until one person starts to abuse the situation, which can happen. One person having an expensive hobby is great if you have a decent income with enough to go round - for many couples that would mean that the other person was having to go without.

IME, you don't really know your partner until you see how they respond when money gets tight.

missbiggles1

glentoran99 wrote: »

I don't see the drawback? We still get presents for each other

We stopped bothering in the later years of our marriage because, if we could afford something we bought it when we wanted it and if we couldn't, the fact that it was a birthday didn't change anything - many of our friends did the same.

I just tend to feel that, if you're treating somebody to something extravagant, it takes the gloss off it a bit for the receiver if s/he has paid half of it anyway.

catkins

missbiggles1 wrote: »

We stopped bothering in the later years of our marriage because, if we could afford something we bought it when we wanted it and if we couldn't, the fact that it was a birthday didn't change anything - many of our friends did the same.

I just tend to feel that, if you're treating somebody to something extravagant, it takes the gloss off it a bit for the receiver if s/he has paid half of it anyway.

I haven't worked for over 4 years because of illhealth and don't get any benefits. My OH works full time so ALL the money in our joint account is technically his.

We still buy each other presents - birthday, Christmas, Valentines and spur of the moment presents. So when I buy him something he has really paid for all of it but we just don't look at it that way.

Couples seem to have many different ways of managing money but we just have a joint account. We opened it when we got married and have managed that way for over 30 years.

Over the years we have each, at different times, been the main earner. When we met I earned quite a lot more than OH did. Now, as I say, I don't work.

Any money we have had has always gone into the joint account - wages, money given as a present, money from selling something on ebay or doing surveys etc.

You need to find what works for you but personally I could not be bothered with faffing about putting money into different accounts

missbiggles1

catkins wrote: »

I haven't worked for over 4 years because of illhealth and don't get any benefits. My OH works full time so ALL the money in our joint account is technically his.

We still buy each other presents - birthday, Christmas, Valentines and spur of the moment presents. So when I buy him something he has really paid for all of it but we just don't look at it that way.

Couples seem to have many different ways of managing money but we just have a joint account. We opened it when we got married and have managed that way for over 30 years.

Over the years we have each, at different times, been the main earner. When we met I earned quite a lot more than OH did. Now, as I say, I don't work.

Any money we have had has always gone into the joint account - wages, money given as a present, money from selling something on ebay or doing surveys etc.

You need to find what works for you but personally I could not be bothered with faffing about putting money into different accounts

I do appreciate what you're saying and that yours is an unusual situation - fortunately my late husband and I had similar income levels through most of our marriage, although it didn't matter at the times when that wasn't the case.

In the later years, most presents were joint (TV, Kindles, dogs) which worked best for us - if he wanted a book or a CD he bought it, if I wanted a book or perfume I did the same. I don't think I could have bought him a big present if I hadn't my own income - he wouldn't have minded but it wouldn't have seemed right to me.

moneyistooshorttomention

PasturesNew wrote: »

I'm not in a couple, but if I were I'd expect the joint account to be for basic household running expenses. Gas/water/electricity, rent/mortgage, council tax, TV license, home insurances. An agreed amount for basic food.

Beyond that anything you want to buy for yourself is from your personal account/pot. If there's to be a "new thing in the house" then if you both want it that comes from the joint pot and the joint pot contributions increase. That might be purchase of new furniture, or a holiday, or saving for Xmas. If only one wants it, they pay for it unless the other one's generous enough to say they'll go halves, in which case it again comes from the joint pot and the joint pot contribution's increased.

Books, booze, weekends away with mates, all from the personal pot. Clothes, hair cuts, work expenses/commuting, all from the personal pots.

Out shopping and you randomly fancy buying a new £1000 sofa? Grey area - if you want it, you pay for it, from your personal pot. Your OH might agree at the time that it'll be a joint purchase even though they thought you were only out shopping for shoes today they can see how lovely it is .... and/or they might decide 6 months down the line to pay half, but that's their choice.

Nights out for just the couple should also come from personal pots - even if that means you both contributing half at the time. That way it doesn't muddy the waters over what the joint pot's to be used for.

How much each contributes to the joint pot can be a variable, depending on circumstances. It doesn't have to be halves.

Totally agree.

It boils down to "if you want it - rather than us needing/wanting it = down to you alone matey" unless the OH is prepared to treat the other one to half the cost.

In OP's position I would certainly agree that it's his personal books so, quite obviously, his personal expenditure from his personal account. I can't see how he can even be arguing about it - as it's so blindingly obvious.

I guess OP has two choices here - either keep on trying to point out the blindingly obvious to their other half on the one hand OR agree to pay up half the cost of that bit of his personal expenditure, but thinking up what item of personal expenditure she is going to expect him to cover half the cost of that costs a similar amount (eg "I'll cover half your personal books - provided you cover half my personal make-up and hairdressing costs" for instance).

Threebabes

Bills, house, kids, dog out of joint, personal spends mine hair & clothes usually and his is diy because he likes doing it, clothes & tattoos...

kaya

been together for 18 years now and when i met my wife she was a student working part time , all the money we have goes into an account and the bills etc. are taken from it, anything left is shared money for whatever we want. We have never had an arguement over money, never has one of us felt poorer or more superior due to income inequalities. People forget just like anything else money is a commodity, a means to an end.
We have friends who have their own seperate money and he will go buy a new car whilst she is struggleing for the money to take the kids to the funfair which is clearly wrong to me, i remember the days when my dad would get his wages and provide my mum with her housekeeping money which she had to spread out thinly to buy us clothes and food whilst he spent the rest on whatever he fancied.

Gloomendoom

catkins wrote: »

I haven't worked for over 4 years because of illhealth and don't get any benefits. My OH works full time so ALL the money in our joint account is technically his.

If you are married, all the money in your joint account, or any account, is as much yours as it is his. It doesn't matter who earned it.

anotheruser

missbiggles1 wrote: »

If clothes are being bought from a joint account, how are you "providing" them for your wife? Surely you'd only be doing that if the money came from your own personal pot?

No need to read to much into it :P I pay more into the joint account. Plus, even if I didn't, and we both paid in the same amount, we're spending our own money on clothes anyway, so it's not like it matters which account it comes from in the end.