Finances as a couple

pinkshoes

Slinky wrote: »

apart from my hair costs £120-£150 every 6 weeks

:eek:

You spend well over £1000 on your hair every year??????? Seriously??????

:eek::eek::eek::eek:

ska_lover

pinkshoes wrote: »

:eek:

You spend well over £1000 on your hair every year??????? Seriously??????

:eek::eek::eek::eek:

I didn't see where she was asking you for a contribution, so calm down, dear. If she can afford it, why the negativity towards her? I bet her hair is bloomin awesome

ska_lover

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It isn't rocket science.

Being less patronising isn't rocket science

missbiggles1

Slinky wrote: »

No because the surprise is lost immediately. I have a separate credit card from before we met which I put any presents on. He will only see this when it needs paying. Anything he buys me he will put on a joint card, but as he sorts paying the bills I probably wouldn't see it until after receiving the gift.


We have no 'personal pots' for anything. Anything we want comes out of a joint account/card. But then neither of us have vastly differing personal levels of spends, apart from my hair costs £120-£150 every 6 weeks and his is about a tenner. But then he gets more of the benefit of it than me as he looks at it more than I do!

It isn't the surprise element I was thinking about (I think surprises are overated) it's the fact that you're paying for half of your own present.

missbiggles1

ska_lover wrote: »

Being less patronising isn't rocket science

Thank you for your useful contribution.:p

ska_lover

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Thank you for your useful contribution.:p

Irony really being a strong point here.:o

Nevermind, you crack on

goodwithsaving

Why not just carry on as you are?

Kynthia

We started off transferring an amount to personal accounts for personal spend but we have such differing individual spend that it's hard to make it seem fair. My hair costs a lot even without being over the top by getting it done too often or having anything out of the ordinary. If clothes are seperate then what about maternity clothes, are they joint? Is it fair that he's happy in the same t-shirts, jeans and few work suits for years whereas women's clothes tend to change with the times more even if you arent a follower of fashion and need more options for more varying scenarios (more work outfits as you can't just wear a small pool of suits and shirts, same with evening wear, plus weight fluctuations mean more clothes from having children, etc)? I tend to socialise more than him because he really doesn't want to go out more. I encourage him but he's a home body, so again nothing extravagant but I spend more on meals and cinema. I wear make-up and need more types of shoes than him (work shoes, trainers, sandals for summer, boots for winter, various colour and style heels for going out and different dresses, etc). He doesn't have any expensive hobbies to balance out my higher spend on being a woman generally even though I'd be happy for him to find something.

So would it make sense to transfer enough to our individual accounts to cover all of these individual spends while he then builds a fortune which goes unspent? Do we transfer less and I be upset at being unable to see a film with a friend because I needed new work trousers, or have to dye my hair at home instead of having highlights once every 3 months even though we have lots of savings and can afford it? Or do we accept that we each spend out of joint money for most things where we arent being unecessarily extravagant and keep individual accounts purely for individual extras things like gifts, individual experiences/social activities/treats, and anything extravagant (perhaps a very expensive dress that isn't needed, a leather jacket or a gadget), etc?

We went with the latter and I know many will disagree, and that's fine because as long as me and my husband agree that's all that matters. I'm also the one that finds bargains, deals and pre-loved items when we could afford new, sorts the bills and switches to better rates on utilities and savings accounts, I buy things on cashbook sites and sell things on ebay even though it's a lot of effort for the money. I try to make savings where we can, avoid waste, and propose when we could over-pay the mortgage or put a little more into our pensions. That work has worth too as well as the fact we both have jobs and look after our child. Perhaps things would need to change if money was tight but at the moment it works and we're doing well.

pinkshoes

ska_lover wrote: »

I didn't see where she was asking you for a contribution, so calm down, dear. If she can afford it, why the negativity towards her? I bet her hair is bloomin awesome

???????

Pot, kettle, black... Calm down dear...

I cannot see where I am being negative.

I am merely expressing shock and admiration that it is possible to spend upto £150 every 6 weeks on hair. Just how?????

Ok, so I only spend £5 every 6 months and get mine cut at a training college, but I did not even realise it was possible to spend that much on hair.

Even our local posh salon is £44 for a cut and finish then a full head of woven colour (no idea what that is but had to pick the most expensive colour thing on offer!) is £64.

missbiggles1

Kynthia wrote: »

We started off transferring an amount to personal accounts for personal spend but we have such differing individual spend that it's hard to make it seem fair. My hair costs a lot even without being over the top by getting it done too often or having anything out of the ordinary. If clothes are seperate then what about maternity clothes, are they joint? Is it fair that he's happy in the same t-shirts, jeans and few work suits for years whereas women's clothes tend to change with the times more even if you arent a follower of fashion and need more options for more varying scenarios (more work outfits as you can't just wear a small pool of suits and shirts, same with evening wear, plus weight fluctuations mean more clothes from having children, etc)? I tend to socialise more than him because he really doesn't want to go out more. I encourage him but he's a home body, so again nothing extravagant but I spend more on meals and cinema. I wear make-up and need more types of shoes than him (work shoes, trainers, sandals for summer, boots for winter, various colour and style heels for going out and different dresses, etc). He doesn't have any expensive hobbies to balance out my higher spend on being a woman generally even though I'd be happy for him to find something.

So would it make sense to transfer enough to our individual accounts to cover all of these individual spends while he then builds a fortune which goes unspent? Do we transfer less and I be upset at being unable to see a film with a friend because I needed new work trousers, or have to dye my hair at home instead of having highlights once every 3 months even though we have lots of savings and can afford it? Or do we accept that we each spend out of joint money for most things where we arent being unecessarily extravagant and keep individual accounts purely for individual extras things like gifts, individual experiences/social activities/treats, and anything extravagant (perhaps a very expensive dress that isn't needed, a leather jacket or a gadget), etc?

We went with the latter and I know many will disagree, and that's fine because as long as me and my husband agree that's all that matters. I'm also the one that finds bargains, deals and pre-loved items when we could afford new, sorts the bills and switches to better rates on utilities and savings accounts, I buy things on cashbook sites and sell things on ebay even though it's a lot of effort for the money. I try to make savings where we can, avoid waste, and propose when we could over-pay the mortgage or put a little more into our pensions. That work has worth too as well as the fact we both have jobs and look after our child. Perhaps things would need to change if money was tight but at the moment it works and we're doing well.

I wouldn't be happy with that clothes scenario (possibly excluding maternity clothes) I'm afraid.

My ex could happily spend at least a couple of hundred quid a month on clothes whereas I lived comfortably in jeans and tops with a couple of smart(ish) dresses for work and a another couple of pretty outfits to go out in - I doubt I spent £100 every 6 months. Spending a lot on clothes is just a choice (and nothing wrong with it) and not something your partner should have to subsidise (except for presents).