Finances as a couple

FBaby

All purchases more than a couple of quid are run by the other first, so no issue of accounts going red.

Then I think this is what it comes down to. I would really really hate, and I know so would my OH having to pass by my OH for any purchase that was above £100, let alone a couple of quids. We have busy lives, sometimes we might not speak for a couple of days! I wouldn't be impressed at all if he disturbed at work because he'd just realised he needed some new pair of underwear and was asking me if it was ok to get some during his lunch break.

Honestly, not critisising but do many couple really do that? I would feel totally suffocating in such a relationship!

missbiggles1

FBaby wrote: »

Then I think this is what it comes down to. I would really really hate, and I know so would my OH having to pass by my OH for any purchase that was above £100, let alone a couple of quids. We have busy lives, sometimes we might not speak for a couple of days! I wouldn't be impressed at all if he disturbed at work because he'd just realised he needed some new pair of underwear and was asking me if it was ok to get some during his lunch break.

Honestly, not critisising but do many couple really do that? I would feel totally suffocating in such a relationship!

I'd be more worried if our lives were so busy that we didn't speak to each other for a couple of days!

catkins

FBaby wrote: »

Then I think this is what it comes down to. I would really really hate, and I know so would my OH having to pass by my OH for any purchase that was above £100, let alone a couple of quids. We have busy lives, sometimes we might not speak for a couple of days! I wouldn't be impressed at all if he disturbed at work because he'd just realised he needed some new pair of underwear and was asking me if it was ok to get some during his lunch break.

Honestly, not critisising but do many couple really do that? I would feel totally suffocating in such a relationship!

I can't think of anything me or OH would buy that would cost £100 or more other than something for the house.

Maybe that is why a joint account works for us? Neither of us are really spenders. I might buy a book, dvd or cd when out but I rarely buy clothes, handbags, shoes etc. On the rare occasion I do they are from charity shops, primark or in a sale.

OH is more likely to impulse buy clothes but still would not spend anywhere near £100. He mainly buys from M&S or Next so he doesn't have expensive tastes either.

If I were going to buy something for the home that cost around £100 or more I would always discuss it with OH or, if it were something that he wasn't that interested in such as a food processor, I would at least tell him I was buying it. I give a lot of thought to almost everything I buy so letting him now beforehand that I was thinking of buying something would not be a problem.

maman

Surely recent posts are making a case for separate personal money. I could go into town tomorrow and spend whatever I want from my own account and not need to ask anyone.

For house things I'd probably have talked to my DH about what might be needed but even if I didn't he'd know I'd get best value and pay up his half willingly. I bought about £30 worth of towels in TKMAXX the other day and his only comment was how much he likes them. He bought a new shredder without asking me because we both knew the old one was on its last legs.

I suppose it's more difficult if you have a partner that can't be trusted to spend within means whether personal or shared.

Gloomendoom

maman wrote: »

But that was a previous generation where it was expected that a man would provide and a woman would keep house. I'd like to think we've moved on from there. In subsequent generations, women have had far more equal opportunities in education and IMO should be increasingly playing an equal part in society.

That is off topic though. We are discussing finances, not opportunities.

FBaby

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I'd be more worried if our lives were so busy that we didn't speak to each other for a couple of days!

Lucky you then! OH has to go away for work regularly, and although we will always talk for a few minutes in the evenings when he does, the last we want to talk about is whether either he or I can spend £10 on something!

maman

Gloomendoom wrote: »

That is off topic though. We are discussing finances, not opportunities.

Maybe a bit OT but it surprises me that threads like these get posts from women that don't value a degree of financial independence.
Perhaps we have more posters than I thought of my mother's generation.

theoretica

maman wrote: »

Maybe a bit OT but it surprises me that threads like these get posts from women that don't value a degree of financial independence.
Perhaps we have more posters than I thought of my mother's generation.

My mum has complete financial independence - she can spend all of her and dad's money, and vice versa. When times were tight they discussed smaller spends than they do now and it meant both prioritised whatever was most wanted next.

FBaby

I can't think of anything me or OH would buy that would cost £100 or more other than something for the house.

£100 was a number in the air, it will of course depends on individuals' budgets. The last occasions when I spent over £100 and didn't discuss it with DH are the school books for DD for 6th form, and the last shopping trip with DS who grew two sizes over the summer and needed a new wardrobe. Other things were my car insurance, 3 months worth of contact lenses (unfortunately can only use one brand/type which is very expensive) and £150 to change the front tyres of my car.

All those things I would have had no reason to ask DH whether it was ok to spend on and certainly wouldn't want to.

melanzana

maman wrote: »

Maybe a bit OT but it surprises me that threads like these get posts from women that don't value a degree of financial independence.
Perhaps we have more posters than I thought of my mother's generation.

I think it's a very personal thing. Some prefer everything to be lumped together, some like their own personal fund. It depends.

I have always had my own separate account/fund, and I will never ever change that.

To me it would be like giving up my independence, and I would absolutely hate to have to ensure that the joint account had sufficient funds if I wanted to buy something for myself no matter how big or small the spend.

Everything else is shared though, bills, savings, holidays, furniture, pressies from both of us etc. etc.

What in heaven's name is wrong with anyone in a partnership/marriage having their own personal fund? I just don't get it.