Finances as a couple

catkins

maman wrote: »

Surely recent posts are making a case for separate personal money. I could go into town tomorrow and spend whatever I want from my own account and not need to ask anyone.

For house things I'd probably have talked to my DH about what might be needed but even if I didn't he'd know I'd get best value and pay up his half willingly. I bought about £30 worth of towels in TKMAXX the other day and his only comment was how much he likes them. He bought a new shredder without asking me because we both knew the old one was on its last legs.

I suppose it's more difficult if you have a partner that can't be trusted to spend within means whether personal or shared.

As I said before, we could never have been bothered with the faffing about of deciding what money goes into a joint account, changing it frequently because of holidays, buying extra and/or more expensive food etc.

Now I don't work the only money I get is from any surveys I do or if I sell anything on ebay (which I do only occasionally). As for over 30 years all money has been our money, we don't even think about the fact that I am not really contributing.

OH is going to receive a pretty large amount of money as beneficiary of one of his relative's will. He has said that I can spend what I like of it. Would couples with separate accounts put such money into their own single account?

missbiggles1

melanzana wrote: »

I think it's a very personal thing. Some prefer everything to be lumped together, some like their own personal fund. It depends.

I have always had my own separate account/fund, and I will never ever change that.

To me it would be like giving up my independence, and I would absolutely hate to have to ensure that the joint account had sufficient funds if I wanted to buy something for myself no matter how big or small the spend.

Everything else is shared though, bills, savings, holidays, furniture, pressies from both of us etc. etc.

What in heaven's name is wrong with anyone in a partnership/marriage having their own personal fund? I just don't get it.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with the idea per se, it's keeping the same viewpoint in a marriage that doesn't sit well with me.

catkins

FBaby wrote: »

£100 was a number in the air, it will of course depends on individuals' budgets. The last occasions when I spent over £100 and didn't discuss it with DH are the school books for DD for 6th form, and the last shopping trip with DS who grew two sizes over the summer and needed a new wardrobe. Other things were my car insurance, 3 months worth of contact lenses (unfortunately can only use one brand/type which is very expensive) and £150 to change the front tyres of my car.

All those things I would have had no reason to ask DH whether it was ok to spend on and certainly wouldn't want to.

I would probably have car insurance going out of a joint account even if you both have your own cars.

OH uses contact lenses so they are paid for out of our joint account.

melanzana wrote: »

I think it's a very personal thing. Some prefer everything to be lumped together, some like their own personal fund. It depends.

I have always had my own separate account/fund, and I will never ever change that.

To me it would be like giving up my independence, and I would absolutely hate to have to ensure that the joint account had sufficient funds if I wanted to buy something for myself no matter how big or small the spend.

Everything else is shared though, bills, savings, holidays, furniture, pressies from both of us etc. etc.

What in heaven's name is wrong with anyone in a partnership/marriage having their own personal fund? I just don't get it.

Nothing wrong with having your own fund but it's not for us.

If we had always had our own accounts what would we have done once I stopped working? Not sure it would have been easy after 30 years of having single accounts and a joint account.

What if a couple only earn a tiny bit more than all their outgoings? Would they still keep a separate account if it only had, say, £5 a month going in it?

theoretica

melanzana wrote: »

What in heaven's name is wrong with anyone in a partnership/marriage having their own personal fund? I just don't get it.

I don't think there is always anything wrong with it, different systems suit different people.

Sometimes, though of course not always, separate funds cover over places where there hasn't been enough comunication or thought. For instance mum may spend most of her cash on the kids, but is that because spending more than is needed on them is what makes her happy, or because not enough kid money has been budgetted from the joint funds? Or one of a couple has an expensive luxury paid from joint funds, perhaps wanting a home with a garden which makes for a bigger mortgage, while the partner's hobby comes from their individual account.

michelle09

FBaby wrote: »

Then I think this is what it comes down to. I would really really hate, and I know so would my OH having to pass by my OH for any purchase that was above £100, let alone a couple of quids. We have busy lives, sometimes we might not speak for a couple of days! I wouldn't be impressed at all if he disturbed at work because he'd just realised he needed some new pair of underwear and was asking me if it was ok to get some during his lunch break.

Honestly, not critisising but do many couple really do that? I would feel totally suffocating in such a relationship!

Well, firstly - we both work in 24/7 professions (separate ones) so it is very easy for us to go several days without seeing each other while awake, but we both have phones so we touch base every day.

Also, we don't spend that much individually. After the bills, groceries and repair budget for the house we probably only have £200/month anyway. We don't eat out as we currently can't afford it, neither of us are that fussed by clothes, social events are planned in advance and neither of us a particularly materialistic.

Couple of quid is not an exact figure - we both know roughly what is in both accounts.

Not really fussed if you criticise, tbh! The OP asked for what couples do and it is what works for us. I'd never suggest it would work for everyone, but as a couple in their 20s our way has allowed us to scrape onto the London property ladder so we are doing something that helps.

michelle09

melanzana wrote: »

What in heaven's name is wrong with anyone in a partnership/marriage having their own personal fund? I just don't get it.

Nothing at all if it works for you! We pooled ours when we bought the house and OH decided he wanted children. I would only agree to it with joint finances because I fought very hard to be financially independent and wasn't going to be on mat leave and asking my partner for grocery money. It's pooled so we have an equal say in things...

I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way as long as the couple agree....

74jax

FBaby wrote: »

£100 was a number in the air, it will of course depends on individuals' budgets. The last occasions when I spent over £100 and didn't discuss it with DH are the school books for DD for 6th form, and the last shopping trip with DS who grew two sizes over the summer and needed a new wardrobe. Other things were my car insurance, 3 months worth of contact lenses (unfortunately can only use one brand/type which is very expensive) and £150 to change the front tyres of my car.

All those things I would have had no reason to ask DH whether it was ok to spend on and certainly wouldn't want to.

I totally agree. I've been out and come back having booked a holiday. Didn't discuss it with OH and didn't feel the need before I'd booked it.

I agree with others, it might come down to how much spare money you actually have, if any, at the end of the month.

melanzana

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with the idea per se, it's keeping the same viewpoint in a marriage that doesn't sit well with me.

I don't understand your point, but however, as we both have similar incomes and day to day spending is totally catered for, I don't see a problem.

We both have access to each others internet banking so there are no secrets either if that's what you are inferring! Why would there be? I know exactly what the balance on OH a/c is (and what he is spending on from it lol), and vice versa. So there is little chance of spending the money on dodgy illegal things or a mistress/lover. And that's just me... :rotfl:

You haven't explained what exactly "doesn't sit right with you" though.

NBLondon

I suppose one factor is what you did before you started this relationship... M'wife and I had our own jobs, flats and cars before we met so it would have been odd to close our personal accounts and pool everything (or maybe some people would say that would be a big statement of commitment - but we thought the £100K mortgage was big enough at the time). We also accepted that incomes or situations might change so we were prepared to adjust - and we have, when job situations have changed for example. It's easier in some ways that we both did our struggling as single 20-somethings and married as more established 30-somethings.


When my wife inherited half a house from her late parents - I expected no say in what she did with the money - even if a hypothetical divorce lawyer would tell me I had. I know the money is put away for retirement funds, but that's her money, not mine, and she will retire before I do anyway.

catkins

NBLondon wrote: »

I suppose one factor is what you did before you started this relationship... M'wife and I had our own jobs, flats and cars before we met so it would have been odd to close our personal accounts and pool everything (or maybe some people would say that would be a big statement of commitment - but we thought the £100K mortgage was big enough at the time). We also accepted that incomes or situations might change so we were prepared to adjust - and we have, when job situations have changed for example. It's easier in some ways that we both did our struggling as single 20-somethings and married as more established 30-somethings.

When my wife inherited half a house from her late parents - I expected no say in what she did with the money - even if a hypothetical divorce lawyer would tell me I had. I know the money is put away for retirement funds, but that's her money, not mine, and she will retire before I do anyway.

We both had personal bank accounts and jobs when we met. OH had a car. I lived in a rented house but OH still lived with his parents.

We closed our single accounts and opened a joint one as soon as we got married.

As I said before, my OH is about to receive a large sum of money from a Will. That money will be our money - OH would never in a million years think of it as his money