Finances as a couple

melanzana

I did not judge anyone else, nor would I expect anyone to judge me.

We all have our own ways of living.

It has been a very interesting thread. But to some, if you don't have everything in a pot together your marriage/partnership may be in trouble!

Quite the opposite I believe. But there we are.

missbiggles1

melanzana wrote: »

If the parties to a partnership/marriage are fine with a separate fund arrangement (when there is a big joint fund for everything else), I just don't see the problem here.

The only difference between living together and being married is the legal bit WRT next of kin and inheritance and break up of the relationship.

I think you doth protest too much!

Maybe some people are wary of what the other partner might have in their own account. Would that be your thinking maybe?

Protest about what?

I've lived wth people and I've been married - I appreciate the difference. That's why I don't write "partnership/marriage" as if the two are synonymous.

ViolaLass

Peter333 wrote: »

I don't see Miss B or anyone else protesting; just putting their views across.

I see you protesting, pontificating about what makes and does not make a marriage.

maman

I think that DH and I have probably made the decision we can afford to have sizeable amounts in our personal accounts once we've made sure we can cover all our shared household expenses. Once that decision's taken then we don't need to check with each other what we spend our personal money on. We like it that way, it gives us freedom and independence.

We're in a different position to many because we've always earned similar amounts.

southoftheriver

My husband and I transfer a similar amount into a joint account for utilities (although this is going to change as I'm going on maternity leave).

We both have separate accounts which we use for personal expenditure. This works for us. I can spend whatever I want on my socialising, or make up, or whatever else I want.

As far as I'm aware our marriage isn't in trouble...

Gloomendoom

maman wrote: »

We're in a different position to many because we've always earned similar amounts.

My wife and I also earn similar amounts. However, we are definitely in the "our" money camp.

You would never hear this in our house...

"Why? It's my money. I've paid my half for this month's bills"

jeymate

We have two accounts. I am making the effort to calculate the monthly household cost. I deducted the household cost from the actual joint income and split the difference in two. My wife's part I wire to her account and all the bills go out from my account.
However, I would definitely suggest a third joint account for the house spenditure.
The entire income should enter the joint household account and from there each one gets half after household cost are deducted.

NBLondon

catkins wrote: »

Why did you think you deserved no say in what the money was used for?

I didn't think I deserved any say because the estate was left to m'wife and her brother - not to me.

Why did she also think that was ok?

You presume, catkins. Actually, my wife did want me to have a say and I was perfectly happy with her decision to invest for retirement - but it was her decision.

I think that is an awful attitude and when I told my OH he agreed

I think insisting that you deserve a say in your partner's finances would be an awful attitude.

The relative that OH is inheriting the money from didn't like me at all but how does that make any difference? He may be inheriting it but it will be OUR money.

Same if I inherit any money in the future - it will be OUR money

The terms and conditions of the will may make a difference if the deceased was bothered enough.

No of course we weren't afraid of money being hidden in a single account - would never have crossed either of our minds. What a strange idea you have.

As others have mentioned above - that does happen and it comes out in the divorce court. People who have been there before - or seen it in the family might be wary of it.

We were getting married to spend the rest of our lives together. ALL money coming into the house no matter the way it came in would be our money, totally shared.

When we got married I in fact earned a lot more than my OH so could have gone down the single accounts and I earn more so have more to spend route but it would never have entered my mind.

You haven't directly answered the question of why close your personal accounts as well as opening a joint account... but reading between the lines here, it seems that you are making a statement (to each other?) that "ALL money is OUR money". If that is important to you both - fine. We agreed that we were now a team and would back each other as much as needed but that didn't stop us being individuals as well.


Here's a dilemma for all the readers then...


You might share the cost of running a car - but what about a speeding ticket? Does that come out of the joint account or is it the responsibility of the one who was driving? (The answer may also depend on whether you are an MP or not....)

BNT

NBLondon wrote: »

Here's a dilemma for all the readers then...


You might share the cost of running a car - but what about a speeding ticket? Does that come out of the joint account or is it the responsibility of the one who was driving? (The answer may also depend on whether you are an MP or not....)

The person who is driving is responsible. It makes no difference which account to it comes from. That is just a matter of administration.

maman

Gloomendoom wrote: »

My wife and I also earn similar amounts. However, we are definitely in the "our" money camp.

You would never hear this in our house...

"Why? It's my money. I've paid my half for this month's bills"

I gave the information about earning similar amounts simply because our situation isn't the same as people with differing incomes where 50:50 might seem unfair. I've never really been in the position where I've needed to be subsidised so can't speak from experience on how I'd deal with that one.


Of course it's every couple's own business how they deal with their finances but the OP did ask for opinions and it's good to hear differing points of view. Strangely, after hearing differing viewpoints, I was asking my DH this morning whether he's still happy with our arrangements (keeping personal accounts). He says it's fine although his brother once described our financial arrangement as 'odd'. When I reminded him of this he said that it's because his brother likes to be in control;). My DH on the other hand likes me to handle the shared finances as then he can get on and do more interesting things.