Finances as a couple

Bufger

We put a percentage of earnings into a joint account based on our earning ratio. Joint acc does:

Mortgage
Bills
Subscriptions
childcare
shopping

Own accounts do:
personal contracts (phone, car etc)
own spends

So if i want to buy a new Xbox I do, if she wants to spend all of her money on new shoes she does.

If we have big spends coming up we both agree to go light on our own accounts and fill savings. We then agree when we're back on 'free spend'.

I personally dont spend that much so put alot of mine into savings for the kids or the whole family. Its my choice with my money

Peter333

catkins wrote: »

We both had personal bank accounts and jobs when we met. OH had a car. I lived in a rented house but OH still lived with his parents.

We closed our single accounts and opened a joint one as soon as we got married.

As I said before, my OH is about to receive a large sum of money from a Will. That money will be our money - OH would never in a million years think of it as his money

Same here.

What makes me laugh is when I see threads on here (and other forums) where people say 'I am buying a house with my partner (sometimes spouse!) and I am putting £25K down of MY money......How can I safeguard MY money?'

What a lot of confidence they must have in their relationship! :rotfl:

I have also seen threads from parents who are gifting £20K (or so) to their son or daughter towards a house they are buying with their partner/spouse, and they want to know how they can safeguard the money to make sure their offspring's partner can't get their sticky mitts on the money, should the relationship break down.....

Again, not much confidence in their future son-in-law/daughter-in-law. What does that say about your attitude towards your offspring's intended? :eek:

Each to their own, but I can't imagine having separate finances with my wife.

And for the record, having a joint account doesn't mean we need to check with each other if we want to go buy a new jumper or pair of trousers.

Yes, of course we check before buying 'big' things - like a telly - but even if we had separate accounts we would check with the other first. Why the heck wouldn't you? What kind of relationship is THAT? You earn 30% more than your partner, you have separate accounts, and you go buy a new £400 stereo without mentioning it or consulting your partner, because it's YOUR money?! :eek:

Not a relationship I would like to be in. I would feel like I was leading a separate life to my wife.

Maybe it's a bit more understandable for people who are 'settling down' fairly late, (say at 35/40,) and have always been independent, single, and have no intention of having kids, etc, to have separate finances... (Or people who are middle aged and have been married before...) But it puzzles me why a couple who are fairly young, and starting a life together/building a home together/having kids together would have separate finances...Seems very odd to me.

FBaby

OH uses contact lenses so they are paid for out of our joint account.

But I didn't use to have them before, so it is a sudden added cost which is a luxury as I don't need them and OH doesn't care if I wear my contacts or glasses, so I wouldn't consider it a joint bill.

Well, firstly - we both work in 24/7 professions (separate ones) so it is very easy for us to go several days without seeing each other while awake, but we both have phones so we touch base every day.

That's fine, but frankly, when I communicate with my OH, the last thing I want to discuss is whether it is ok if I spend £200 on tires on my car this month, or whether it is ok if I buy that top I saw on ebay, or whether I should go ahead and start buying luxury toilet paper. A bit of a mood killer from my perspective.

As I said before, my OH is about to receive a large sum of money from a Will. That money will be our money - OH would never in a million years think of it as his money

Again, there is confusion between my and his money. If either I or OH got a lot of money, we would discuss what we planned on doing with it which would involved a joint investment. Whether the money sat in one account or the other would make no difference. If however we decided that we would keep X to do what we wanted to do with it, then it would be divided by two and transferred to our individual account.

What a lot of confidence they must have in their relationship!

Or they are being realistic! How many threads do we read here when separated couple come from advice about getting their fair due when they made no arrangements before (and ultimately are being told good luck).

I think there is no right or wrong how you approach a relationship as long as you are on the same wavelength from the start. You can decide to have total faith in the future of the relationship and be prepared to loose out financially if you are proven wrong (sometimes in very deceitful ways) or you can decide that it is better to protect yourself just in case to start with, however, you still want to enjoy the intimacy of living together, with the acknowledgment that if the relationship is to progress successfully, you could move to next stage of complete trust.

You earn 30% more than your partner, you have separate accounts, and you go buy a new £400 stereo without mentioning it or consulting your partner, because it's YOUR money?!

If you are lucky enough to have enough equal disposable income after all essentials are paid that you can go and buy an expensive stereo, what's wrong with that? OH has spent a lot more than that on a piece of sport equipment recently. Indeed, it is his money, he's earned it and I have the same amount to spend as I want. Who would I be to say that he can't buy it even though he can afford it because I've decided that I am not happy with his choice. That's the whole point of separate disposable income, you do what you want with it! What wouldn't be fair is if there was a difference between the amount each get to enjoy.

NBLondon

catkins wrote: »

As I said before, my OH is about to receive a large sum of money from a Will. That money will be our money - OH would never in a million years think of it as his money

That's the other way round.... There's a subtle difference between "That's my inheritance so it's my money" and "That's their inheritance so it isn't my money". Might also depend on the terms of the will if the expiring parent didn't like the offspring's partner :-)

catkins wrote: »

We closed our single accounts and opened a joint one as soon as we got married.

I'll bite.... Why? Why close your single account? Was one or other of you afraid of money being hidden in those accounts? Or were you making a statement to forestall that suspicion in future?

74jax

Peter333 wrote: »

You earn 30% more than your partner, you have separate accounts, and you go buy a new £400 stereo without mentioning it or consulting your partner, because it's YOUR money?!

We would do that. Hubby has just told me he bought a new laptop a few weeks back as he was working in Sweden and wanted to take something to watch some videos on..... he didn't tell me at the time and I'm indifferent about it. It really makes no difference to me at all.

theoretica

There seem to be two most common ways of setting up individual spending accounts. In one system the partners pay an equal proportion of their income into the joint pot, so the one who earns more will pay more, but also have more spending money left. In the other system that seems common the spending money is divided into two equal pots so both partners have equal spending power. Both these systems can leave one partner easily able to afford everything they desire and more, and the other one struggling to budget, perhaps for an expensive hobby.

Does anyone with separate spending accounts divide the money in them by spending desires, aiming for equality of happiness rather than equally by money or biased according to income?

ViolaLass

Peter333 wrote: »

Yes, of course we check before buying 'big' things - like a telly - but even if we had separate accounts we would check with the other first. Why the heck wouldn't you? What kind of relationship is THAT? You earn 30% more than your partner, you have separate accounts, and you go buy a new £400 stereo without mentioning it or consulting your partner, because it's YOUR money?! :eek:

OH and I have our own spending money, that we can use as we please, it's none of the other person's business. We do this because we're still separate beings. On the other hand, once it's spent, it's spent. Our joint money is a different thing and is carefully and jointly managed. It works for us.

I don't judge you for the choices you've made. I do judge you for telling people that their relationship is lesser because of the financial management choices they have made.

catkins

NBLondon wrote: »

When my wife inherited half a house from her late parents - I expected no say in what she did with the money - even if a hypothetical divorce lawyer would tell me I had. I know the money is put away for retirement funds, but that's her money, not mine, and she will retire before I do anyway.

Why did you think you deserved no say in what the money was used for? Why did she also think that was ok?

I think that is an awful attitude and when I told my OH he agreed

NBLondon wrote: »

That's the other way round.... There's a subtle difference between "That's my inheritance so it's my money" and "That's their inheritance so it isn't my money". Might also depend on the terms of the will if the expiring parent didn't like the offspring's partner :-)

I'll bite.... Why? Why close your single account? Was one or other of you afraid of money being hidden in those accounts? Or were you making a statement to forestall that suspicion in future?

The relative that OH is inheriting the money from didn't like me at all but how does that make any difference? He may be inheriting it but it will be OUR money.

Same if I inherit any money in the future - it will be OUR money


No of course we weren't afraid of money being hidden in a single account - would never have crossed either of our minds. What a strange idea you have.

We were getting married to spend the rest of our lives together. ALL money coming into the house no matter the way it came in would be our money, totally shared.

When we got married I in fact earned a lot more than my OH so could have gone down the single accounts and I earn more so have more to spend route but it would never have entered my mind.

catkins

FBaby wrote: »

But I didn't use to have them before, so it is a sudden added cost which is a luxury as I don't need them and OH doesn't care if I wear my contacts or glasses, so I wouldn't consider it a joint bill.


That's fine, but frankly, when I communicate with my OH, the last thing I want to discuss is whether it is ok if I spend £200 on tires on my car this month, or whether it is ok if I buy that top I saw on ebay, or whether I should go ahead and start buying luxury toilet paper. A bit of a mood killer from my perspective.

If you are lucky enough to have enough equal disposable income after all essentials are paid that you can go and buy an expensive stereo, what's wrong with that? OH has spent a lot more than that on a piece of sport equipment recently. Indeed, it is his money, he's earned it and I have the same amount to spend as I want. Who would I be to say that he can't buy it even though he can afford it because I've decided that I am not happy with his choice. That's the whole point of separate disposable income, you do what you want with it! What wouldn't be fair is if there was a difference between the amount each get to enjoy.

OH only started wearing contact lenses a couple of years ago. I never saw any problem to the money coming out of our joint account. I certainly don't see contact lenses as a luxury and he too has to have special ones so they are dearer than many.

Well when we communicate I don't want to be asking how much we need to pay into our joint account each month. Oh we've a got a holiday/new bed/new tv/car repairs or whatever to pay for so the joint account needs more put in. I also don't want to be having the discussion of "I paid the milkman so you owe me half of that" and yes I know plenty of couples who do that

Well surely something like a stereo system would normally be used by both? I would expect some discussion about the purchase and would be pretty annoyed if OH spent £400 without at least mentioning it let alone discussing it. He wouldn't do that though

FBaby

I guess it all depends to what we consider acceptable financial freedom. It's all very personal to the couple, just our sexual habits. No right or wrong, just being on the same wavelength than our partner. The problem is when the two see it differently and each try to persuade the other than their way or intention is the right one and therefore the one that should be adopted.