Forum Member Passed Away - A Cautionary Tale

margaretclare

My first husband was not a diabetic but the mention of smoking resonated with me.

From his first myocardial infarction in 1972, through heart surgery in 1975, inability to work because of declining health, then strokes and TIAs in the mid-80s, to his death in 1992, he never ever ever managed to give up smoking. And he was warned about smoking by dozens of health professionals of all kinds. Dozens!

When we moved to a bungalow in Essex from a 3-storey weaver's cottage in Yorkshire, he was pleased to be able to walk on the level instead of either up or down. And more modern living conditions. Smoking? I know he didn't smoke in my presence, but I also know he smoked the minute I'd left for work. Where else did the fag-ends in the garden come from? He died 18 months after we moved here, very very suddenly. 20 years slow but steady decline.

My present husband also blames his mother's early demise on the fact that she couldn't/wouldn't stop smoking. She was a diabetic - he has it in all sides of his family.

Lily-Rose_3

Amysdad70 wrote: »

I am sorry to say that my wife of 22 years, and forum member, Madjock passed away on May 16th 2016.

She was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes almost 20 years ago and had terrible sugar control. It was as though she was sticking 2 fingers up to diabetes. In the beginning everyone told her what would happen, and it did. The complications worsened and ranged from issues with her feet, eyes, legs, bowels, and digestion. She had 4 strokes and finally succumbed due to diabetic ketoacidosis.

I feel guilty for saying this but for the last few years she was awful to live with. She flatly ignored all advice, help and support and continued to eat high sugar foods and smoke. She was belligerent, aggressive and pushed everyone away. I tried my hardest to get her to stop and take it seriously, so eventually she was smoking and eating chocolate in secret. She refused any offers of psychological help and the thing that I will have to live with is that I left her in January. I could not take any more or watch her kill herself. Everyone hoped that it would make her take care of herself but it didn't.

I thought that everyone would think that I was the worst person imaginable, but everyone understood. When I look back now, after the post mortem results and evidence in the house, she essentially committed suicide. She was smoking 60+ a day at the end after having 4 strokes. Who does that? There were piles of chocolate wrappers and empty yoghurt drink bottles everywhere. Every doctor told her that her next cigarette could be the last thing she ever did. They were right.

She gave up her job in 2014 because she did not want to be answerable to anyone. I told her at the time that it was unrealistic because we are all answerable to someone. But eventually, she got her wish. You cannot argue with Diabetes.

RIP

I am so sorry to hear this. How sad.

I know several people who wouldn't change their habits and ways, even though it was harming them (smoking, boozing, over-eating; ) and they all died 20-25 years earlier than they should have.

Don't feel bad about feeling angry towards her. You must have such a myriad of emotions going on right now. Feel free to vent on here. We are all here to listen. :A

MSE_Andrea wrote: »

Hugs from all of us at MSE Towers Amysdad70. You've done what you could, as someone else said, now look after yourself

Andrea xx

What a lovely post. That's nice of you Andrea.

GwylimT

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I've just been diagnosed as being type 2. Finding it quite hard. The nurse told me to cut out sugar and to fill up on carbs. However, my good friend who is a nurse practioner told me the opposite and said to eat more protein / fat and to follow a low carb diet.

Problem is, the low carb diet has made me constipated. I feel like I try to solve one problem but cause another.

My levels are really high - 2 to 3 times normal. However, they are more stable now and don't have large spikes. Hoping a downward trend will emerge soon.

Why have you cut fibre out of your diet?

margaretclare

Cut out sugar and fill up on carbs? Unbelievable. And a nurse said this? Any nurse giving such advice should be struck off the register.

What does this nurse think carbs are if they're not sugar? A slice of white bread is instantly transformed into sugar by your digestive processes, which start with the saliva in your mouth.

[Deleted User]

Its old advice. From the 1980's until a few years ago, it was the recommended diabetic diet. High carbs, low fat. Obviously done a complete turn around now. Why I am a little sceptical about dietary advice lol.

But it does make sense to me that if your blood sugars are too high, you need to cut the carbs you are eating. Fibre can be introduced to the diet without carbs being involved. But real advice (i.e. this is helpful, this is not helpful). Exercise is also very beneficial in reducing blood sugars. Even sitting in a chair and raising arms and legs (one by one, we don't want you falling out of chair lol) will help raise your metabolism. Anything that makes you a little breathless.

Primrose

I applaud you for your honesty and send my condolences. As somebody who has had a family member take a similar route with alcohol, I know there is absolutely nothing you can do when somebody refuses to take responsibilityb themselves and their health.

I hope yiu will eventually be able to put the past behind you and build a new life, hopefully with somebody who will be able to give your some happiness.

Amysdad70

As a final update on this particular post. The house sale just completed. That is the end of the whole estate settlement process and a full stop on the legalities.

Thank you for all of your lovely comments and stories. Who knows, maybe someone will read this thread at the right time and it will make a difference.

p.s. In case you were wondering, Amy is a dog.

meer53

Amysdad70 wrote: »

As a final update on this particular post. The house sale just completed. That is the end of the whole estate settlement process and a full stop on the legalities.

Thank you for all of your lovely comments and stories. Who knows, maybe someone will read this thread at the right time and it will make a difference.

p.s. In case you were wondering, Amy is a dog.

Time for a new start then

I wish you all the best, enjoy your new life x