Forum Member Passed Away - A Cautionary Tale

Ilona

In my opinion you are well out of order lambasting a man who has already gone through a very distressing time watching his wife's health deteriorate before his eyes. You have probably made him feel ten times worse.

Ilona

Gingernutty

baby_lemonade wrote: »

Good points made by all, but I'm not sure that starting/writing a thread about someone who is no longer around to defend herself is the right thing to do..

Sometimes a death is pointless and preventable and one can only learn about the mistakes the deceased made and the impact on the lives of the loved ones around them by publicising what not to do.

The old chestnut "don't speak ill of the dead" is overused and a simple statement of the facts and the feelings of the people who had to suffer the consequences of the poor life choices of the deceased is not 'badmouthing' anybody.

Whether it's drugs, alcohol, obesity, poor judgement or poor self care in a chronic health condition as in this case, we can only comfort the living and learn valuable lessons by the deceased's poor example.

I'd like to commend the OP for his post. He clearly cared about his late wife and wanted to inform us of her passing.

As previous posters have stated, airbrushing the past does no good and grief takes many forms.

If the OP doesn't post again, I wouldn't blame him.

I wish him and his family well. Grief is a long process and there's a lot to deal with.

Good luck OP.

Amysdad70

Thank you for all of your lovely replies and PM's. To answer a previous posters question, she posted only as Madjock. She read the forums every day and used to be an active poster.

I will admit, after some of the comments I nearly didn't come back, but I think that I need to defend myself from a particular poster. None of what I said is untrue. Anyone that knew her would agree and to give you some context...

Normal blood sugar levels are between 5 and 9. If you are in hospital they won't release you if it is over 13. On the day of her first stroke it was 45. She was told, in no uncertain terms that carrying on as she had been would have fatal consequences. She continued to smoke and eat high sugar foods. She had 3 further strokes and each tome her sugar was over 40.

Her post mortem revealed a blood sugar level of 50. The only way you get it that high is by eating a huge amount of sugar over a sustained period. This is fact, not my point of view.

There was absolutely no doubt that this would kill her. No amount of help or support from anyone was enough to stop it. This is fact.

I posted to let people know and I did think that if at least one person woke up after reading it then that was something. It took me 4 months to do it because I didn't know how it would be responded to and I wasn't ready. My anger has subsided but it is still there.

Finally, on reflection, I think that the posts by Baby Lemonade say more about the poster than they do about me.

mellymoo74

Thank you Amysdad

Of course your angry, I am glad you didn't get scared off and came back

Ilona

I see B L has deleted his comment that I replied to.

Thank you Amysdad for coming back. There was nothing wrong with your first post at all, you wrote it with good intentions and that's how I read it. I hope you have a peaceful life from now on.
Ilona

silverwhistle

baby_lemonade wrote: »

I know this board is used by people (bored women, mainly) for getting stuff off their chest (real or imaginary!) and for bleating about their in-laws , so be it.

Yes, it IS their decision if they want to spend their time writing judgemental and mean-spirited remarks about the deceased, under the cover of anonymity,

So you prefer to be judgemental about the living then? The OP is obviously upset and grieving, of which one of the stages is anger. You are also posting to make yourself feel better whilst you attempt to melt that butter in your mouth. You have very few recommends to show for your tremendous concern for the deceased...

[Deleted User]

Amysdad70 wrote: »

Thank you for all of your lovely replies and PM's.

Normal blood sugar levels are between 5 and 9. If you are in hospital they won't release you if it is over 13. On the day of her first stroke it was 45. She was told, in no uncertain terms that carrying on as she had been would have fatal consequences. She continued to smoke and eat high sugar foods. She had 3 further strokes and each tome her sugar was over 40.

Her post mortem revealed a blood sugar level of 50. The only way you get it that high is by eating a huge amount of sugar over a sustained period. This is fact, not my point of view.

Finally, on reflection, I think that the posts by Baby Lemonade say more about the poster than they do about me.

Hi, I just want to say that my diabetes (type 1) is a bit unstable (stress related, long story) and irritatingly, in spite of doing blood sugars, being careful what I eat, I can experience both hypos and high blood sugars. One can rebound off the other. I get days when I hardly eat a thing, giving myself insulin to try and bring it down without sending me hypo.., and my blood sugar is determined to stay in the high teens. Then suddenly, to my horror it sinks like a stone. It can go up to the low 20's quite quickly, even with care. Thank god I have a consultant who listens lol. He told me he saw a pregnant diabetic who told him her blood sugars could go from 20 to 2 in half an hour with just a normal dose of insulin, and he saw it happen. He said he learned a lot from that.

I do my absolute best to control my diabetes, well aware of the health implications of bad control and its really frustrating when it won't do what you expect.

I do agree that a blood sugar of 50 requires some neglect, or an infection. The problem is, once you get high blood sugars regularly, your brain accepts them as normal and you can actually feel hypo with a high but lower than normal (for you) blood sugar. I've seen diabetics feel hypo with a blood sugar just below 20!

I do also completely understand the mixed feelings about a loved one when they die. I know I'm going to have problems at the funeral service of my Dad. Never there, very selfish, but adorable in some ways.., much loved but caused a lot of hurt. What I say at a funeral service I have no idea.., and its going to happen (he's 82 and quite unwell with Parkinsons). I probably won't have a public one, which is a problem also.

Be honest, acknowledge your mixed feelings. I'm afraid its the only way to move on. I hope you are able to do this gradually.

Embittered Lemonade may have some reason for talking as they do on here (that is absolutely nothing to do with the OP). Best just to not argue back. If they need to vent, let them.

Morglin

From a personal perspective:

I have a degenerative Neuro disease, that will and does advance, regardlessly.

Both my very elderly, previously healthy parents ended up dribbling, bedridden and incoherent (Dementia), in care homes.

Taking the above into account, I decided long ago that I would enjoy my life, for however long - so I live the life I choose, doing things that are frowned upon by the medical profession.

When it gets too much, I intend to end it - hopefully with a cig and a glass of wine in one hand, and a toyboy in the other......:eek:

(The toyboy is probably more in hope than expectation lol :rotfl:)

My family and friends have long accepted my philosophy and support it.

I'm not religious so care nowt for any higher judgement.

Medics just sigh and say my stroppy behaviour will probably keep me going....:beer:

On the flip side, I'm not a misery to live with - I am generally optimistic, love life, with a lot of black humour to keep me going.

But, disability and serious illness affect people differently, and it can be a huge strain on loved ones, as the OP demonstrated.

No one should judge anyone, as no one has done the proverbial mile in their shoes.

OP - accept you did your best, she made her choices, which she was perfectly entitled to do.

Mourn the wife you once had, move on with life, and best wishes for the future.

Lin

DevilsAdvocate1

GwylimT wrote: »

For some people eating as they wish is more important than reaching retirement.

It doesn't however help that diabetes specialists are still advising people to eat large portions of carbs or suggesting baked beans are suitable.

I've just been diagnosed as being type 2. Finding it quite hard. The nurse told me to cut out sugar and to fill up on carbs. However, my good friend who is a nurse practioner told me the opposite and said to eat more protein / fat and to follow a low carb diet.

Problem is, the low carb diet has made me constipated. I feel like I try to solve one problem but cause another.

My levels are really high - 2 to 3 times normal. However, they are more stable now and don't have large spikes. Hoping a downward trend will emerge soon.

Former_MSE_Andrea

Hugs from all of us at MSE Towers Amysdad70. You've done what you could, as someone else said, now look after yourself

Andrea xx