Forum Member Passed Away - A Cautionary Tale

Amysdad70

I am sorry to say that my wife of 22 years, and forum member, Madjock passed away on May 16th 2016.

She was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes almost 20 years ago and had terrible sugar control. It was as though she was sticking 2 fingers up to diabetes. In the beginning everyone told her what would happen, and it did. The complications worsened and ranged from issues with her feet, eyes, legs, bowels, and digestion. She had 4 strokes and finally succumbed due to diabetic ketoacidosis.

I feel guilty for saying this but for the last few years she was awful to live with. She flatly ignored all advice, help and support and continued to eat high sugar foods and smoke. She was beligerent, aggressive and pushed everyone away. I tried my hardest to get her to stop and take it seriously, so eventually she was smoking and eating chocolate in secret. She refused any offers of psychological help and the thing that I will have to live with is that I left her in January. I could not take any more or watch her kill herself. Everyone hoped that it would make her take care of herself but it didn't.

I thought that everyone would think that I was the worst person imaginable, but everyone understood. When I look back now, after the post mortem results and evidence in the house, she essentially committed suicide. She was smoking 60+ a day at the end after having 4 strokes. Who does that? There were piles of chocolate wrappers and empty yoghurt drink bottles everywhere. Every doctor told her that her next cigarette could be the last thing she ever did. They were right.

She gave up her job in 2014 because she did not want to be answerable to anyone. I told her at the time that it was unrealistic because we are all answerable to someone. But eventually, she got her wish. You cannot argue with Diabetes.

RIP

tattycath

There's only so much you can do when someone chooses to defy Drs advice and the advice of others.
You did your best and she chose her own path despite knowing the risks of her actions.
I know a ticking time bomb too. He's been told he will be back in hospital if he doesn't stop smoking and that the outcome could be worse this time.
He is still smoking and now he's stopped taking some of his meds too.
So now we try and persuade him the consequences of his actions and then we wait...
RIP to Madjock

Alice_Walker

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Like your friends, I don't think you did anything wrong, sometimes it gets to the point that you need to put yourself first. It takes strength to admit that.

You've been through a tough time yourself. Hopefully you are getting some support, friends and family or a counsellor? Cruse offer phone and face to face support if you do need someone.

Amysdad70

Deleted as on reflection this is inappropriate

Amysdad70

As for me, I arranged the funeral, cleared out the house and I am waiting for the sale to complete. I have moved away from the city and I am making a new life.

You know what really grinds my gears? The people who say she was such a good friend and will be missed, when they hadn't seen her for years. Where were they?

baby_lemonade

Not familiar with the poster at all, but RIP to her, and hope you manage to find peace. You're clearly still angry with her, and posting what you think of her on a forum now she's gone.

Amysdad70

You are right baby_lemonade. I am still angry and deleted my comments. Sometimes the line still gets a bit blurred.

Jox

I'm sorry for your loss, it's hard when loved ones self-destruct. I tried to speak to my parent about their smoking and was slapped down by the parent and my sibling. They have the right to exercise their free will no matter how destructive they are being to themselves and by extension their loved ones.

AylesburyDuck

Very sorry for your loss,:(
As my mum used to say, you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.

worried_jim

I too suffer with diabetes but I use examples like the OP to keep me well. When I visit the diabetic clinic some of the sights I see leave me speechless. I wonder how anyone can do this too them selves.

Thank you for sharing Amysdad, I wish you all the best for your new future and am impressed that you are acting on your plans as soon as you are. Good luck with the move. Jim.

Hermia

Sorry for your loss, OP.

worried_jim wrote: »

I too suffer with diabetes but I use examples like the OP to keep me well. When I visit the diabetic clinic some of the sights I see leave me speechless. I wonder how anyone can do this too them selves.

My friend has diabetes and utterly despairs at how many diabetics she has met who just love to ignore the advice and almost seem to see themselves as rebels. I think some people just have this need to do the opposite of what they are told. It is almost like they haven't got out of that rebellious teen mindset.

I do think it sometimes doesn't help that people just don't really worry about diseases like diabetes etc. Cancer seems to be the only disease people worry about. I know friends who check their breasts every month and always go for a mammogram and lecture their friends about doing these things. Yet they also ignore the doctor's warnings about their blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar etc. Why is breast cancer so frightening, but possibly spending your final years being horribly disabled by a massive stroke or having your legs amputated from type 2 diabetes just dandy!