Just had a blazing row with my OH

JReacher1

barbarawright wrote: »

Perhaps you should read the original post.

"Off he went on his high horse to confront the young lad. I went after him - he confronted the lad who turned down the music. Not enough for DH, oh no, he had to start effin and blinding at the lad."

So you would really vandalise someone's car *after* they'd done what you requested?

I did read the original post. He asked for the loud music to be turned down and the guy made a token effort to turn it down slightly but not enough.

A normal person if told that they were annoying people with their music while they were waiting to pick someone up would just turn it off. This person didn't do it.

I'm not condoning the actions of the OP's husband but what I would say is if this thread was posted as the following...

"Every night some car turns up outside my house and plays loud music out of his car. Today I asked him to turn it off and he use turned it down slightly so I snapped and smashed his window"

I don't think they would receive too many critical posts.

Meepmeep

JReacher - I would be one of the people who would still post a critical response. Let's face it, if guy was waiting for his gf he likely wouldn't be there that long. It's not as if it's a crazy loud party going on until 3am on a Tuesday. Even then I wouldn't smash a window.

JReacher1

Meepmeep wrote: »

JReacher - I would be one of the people who would still post a critical response. Let's face it, if guy was waiting for his gf he likely wouldn't be there that long. It's not as if it's a crazy loud party going on until 3am on a Tuesday. Even then I wouldn't smash a window.

Every day for say five years you had irritatingly loud music outside your house for five minutes. Are you sure that wouldn't make you snap?

Then say after five years you finally go out and confront the guy and instead of turning the music off he gives him a smug grin and turns it down literally a notch.

I could see myself snapping in this situation.

I'm not saying the smug grin, five years or turning it down a notch happened but I could certainly see myself snapping.

Meepmeep

I'm sure everyone has their breaking point - but your example of every day for five years is an extreme example! I doubt the guy in question has been picking his gf up every night for five years and waiting for her for an hour a time (last bit I added, as personally 10 mins of loud music a night wouldn't bother me) playing loud music.

I admit, I have an aversion to violence. Possibly because as as a very slight female, I would be crushed in a second. When you feel vulnerable in situations where violence is brewing or actually erupts, it can feel awful knowing you couldn't defend yourself. I say this as someone who has unfortunately been in situations where I have been threatened / worked in environments where I've seen the damage done to victims of violence / rape etc. I realise I'm going off on a tangent but I think perhaps differences in opinion may partially be put down to this? If you are a guy who could hold his own if it came to it, you may not understand the fear that someone like I feel. E.g if someone put a brick through your car, you may feel able to get out and have an argument without thinking you'd end up half dead in hospital! Whereas I wouldn't. And when you know how bad it can feel you just don't ever epwant to put someone else in that position.
I'm not saying I'm right thinking this, - and maybe you're a 4'10 female and I'm barking up the wrong tree it's more me pondering really ...

JReacher1

I don't actually like violence. I think when you resort to violence it's a bad thing to do.

It just reads to me like their is a bad situation. A guy has turned up with loud music. The fact the Op knows why this has happened (he's here to pick up his girlfriend) implies it's a common occurrence.

Many times I see these young lads in their cars blaring out loud music without a slight bit of consideration for anyone else. I don't like how this is now seen as acceptable.

I accept the OH went too far but I can see why he did it and who knows the Kid in question may turn out to be more considerate in the future.

Personally and I accept I am in the minority but I wouldn't be happy if I was in the OP's OH situation and my OH was against me when the police were called. I would expect either support or if she disagreed me with her not getting involved with the police (but verbally berating me privately). In any relationship when the police are involved and you're on different sides in a legal argument it's not healthy.

Meepmeep

I don't think being inconsiderate is acceptable, and the guy in question no doubt was being inconsiderate. However, the OH response was not in proportion to the 'crime' I feel.
One of the reasons I think people are more inconsiderate nowadays is because no one picks them up on it for fear of repercussions. You read all the time that someone's been hit / stabbed etc after being asked to stop doing x or y (or something inconsiderate). It makes a lot of people feel fearful of standing up for themselves and others.
Unfortunately although the roles are reversed in the OP's situation, the husband's behaviour has just reinforced my view - that there are some crazy acting people out there who can lose it and cause harm and best not rock the boat, even when I do see something 'wrong/inconsiderate'

JReacher1

Meepmeep wrote: »

I don't think being inconsiderate is acceptable, and the guy in question no doubt was being inconsiderate. However, the OH response was not in proportion to the 'crime' I feel.
One of the reasons I think people are more inconsiderate nowadays is because no one picks them up on it for fear of repercussions. You read all the time that someone's been hit / stabbed etc after being asked to stop doing x or y (or something inconsiderate). It makes a lot of people feel fearful of standing up for themselves and others.
Unfortunately although the roles are reversed in the OP's situation, the husband's behaviour has just reinforced my view - that there are some crazy acting people out there who can lose it and cause harm and best not rock the boat, even when I do see something 'wrong/inconsiderate'

I do agree with you quite a lot

I just think if when I am waiting for someone and then someone knocks on my car window and says my music is too loud then I will turn it off.

I accept the guy went too far but I can see why he snapped. I don't like the fact the OP went against him with the police.

LannieDuck

As far as I can tell, the OP told the police the truth of what happened.

JReacher - are you suggesting she should have lied to them?

Marvel1

JReacher1 wrote: »

It won't be popular but this board is filled with inconsiderate people playing their loud music and annoying people.

Your husband snapped and a very inconsiderate person got his back window smashed on his car (after he had told him to turn it down). Personally I don't really disagree with this

I also think you should have backed him up. I agree for serious crimes don't blindly back your partner but when some idiot is being inconsiderate and his car is damaged as a result I don't think I would take the strangers side over my husband.

Are you blind? Can you read?

JReacher1

LannieDuck wrote: »

As far as I can tell, the OP told the police the truth of what happened.

JReacher - are you suggesting she should have lied to them?

I'm not too sure on current law but there used to be a law which said a spouse can't be forced to testify against their spouse. Therefore if this is still true the OP could just have refused to get involved.

I'm not saying this is recommended for serious crimes e.g. Of the rose west variety, but if your spouse is getting into an argument with a boy racer in a street I would be tempted not to side against them!