Just had a blazing row with my OH

Kynthia

I'm generally one for supporting your OH in public and dealing with disagreements in private but not to the extent of supporting completely wrong behaviour, unjustified or excessive bad treatment of others or criminal actions!

It's just hard to imagine the shock of your OH going that far if they aren't usually like that. Then hours later when they should have calmed down, to start on you! I can only assume he felt so guilty and embarrassed that being angry at you OP was easier or a deflection of these emotions. He'll have to deal with them though, and any consequences of the caution.

Will the boy need paying for his car to be repaired?

Guest101

PhoebeBuffay wrote: »

For privacy reasons, this is a new profile. I know making a new profile to post about a problem on here is frowned upon, however, after reading what has happened tonight. You will understand why I want to post this anonymously.

DH and I, have had a blazing row. At around 20:00pm this evening, a young lad was parked up behind our house playing music in his car. He parks there when he picks up his girlfriend, who lives on the corner.

DH was getting grumpy about the music, because bake off had started. I told him the lad will be gone in a minute, he's just waiting for his girlfriend.

Off he went on his high horse to confront the young lad. I went after him - he confronted the lad who turned down the music. Not enough for DH, oh no, he had to start effin and blinding at the lad.

I tried to drag him away, the young lad even said sorry. As soon as I thought DH had calmed down. He picks up a rock and smashes the back window of the car.

The neighbours witnessed it all - called the police. They arrested DH for destruction of property. I apologised to the young lad - and offered to pay for the damage.

At the cop shop. They took a statement from me. I told them it was all DH on his high horse. The young lad has said he does not want the matter to go further as long as the damage is paid for.

The police issued DH with a caution. When we got home, he went off in a tizzy at me for not taking his side. We had a row over what happened, with him spouting words along the lines of me being his wife and how I should take his side, no matter what.

His incessant ranting became too much - so I phoned his sister to come and get him out of the house for the night. Telling her, if she doesn't come get him. I will be calling the police and he'll be back in the nick for the second time tonight.

She eventually convinced him to leave for the night. The stress he has caused me tonight, has made me reach boiling point. Now, I'm struggling to switch off - and I am thinking maybe not taking his side was the wrong to do, as ridiculous as that sounds?

Not sure on what basis you think you can have him removed from the property - as you cant.


Otherwise I agree his actions were unacceptable.

Gavin83

Kynthia wrote: »

Where I work it would probably cause you to be suspended and probably lose your job and it has ramifications in many 'professional' roles. I believe they are disclosed in DBS checks for 6 years and can prevent you working with vulnerable adults or children or any role where it is declared. It goes on your criminal record and might prevent you entering or residing in some countries.

This is very much true. I'm not saying I'd lose my job for receiving a caution (depending on what it was for) but I would certainly have my contract reviewed. A caution isn't exactly 'getting away with it' and it can have some serious knock on effects. A lot will depend on if you require DBS checks or not.

Guest101

Gavin83 wrote: »

This is very much true. I'm not saying I'd lose my job for receiving a caution (depending on what it was for) but I would certainly have my contract reviewed. A caution isn't exactly 'getting away with it' and it can have some serious knock on effects. A lot will depend on if you require DBS checks or not.

A caution is a guilty plea with no additional sentencing, so ye totally agree.


In response to Kynthia, a caution doesn't prevent someone from working with children or adults, necessarily. It's not an automatic barring.

missbiggles1

Gavin83 wrote: »

This is very much true. I'm not saying I'd lose my job for receiving a caution (depending on what it was for) but I would certainly have my contract reviewed. A caution isn't exactly 'getting away with it' and it can have some serious knock on effects. A lot will depend on if you require DBS checks or not.

And, unlike convictions, a caution never becomes "spent", I believe.

Guest101

missbiggles1 wrote: »

And, unlike convictions, a caution never becomes "spent", I believe.

It does, a caution is considered spent immediately.


https://www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q89.htm
A spent conviction is a conviction which, under the terms of Rehabilitation of Offenders Act 1974, can be effectively ignored after a specified amount of time. The amount of time for rehabilitation depends on the sentence imposed, not on the offence. The more serious the conviction, the longer the period of rehabilitation. For example, if you have received a prison sentence of more than four years, the conviction will never become spent, but cautions become spent immediately (apart from conditional cautions which will become spent after three months).

onlyroz

The main question here is whether this is typical behaviour (in which case he should be seeking help from his GP for anger issues) or whether this is a one off (maybe stress at work?).

Frogletina

I am beginning to wonder this as she has not been back to update us and within half an hour she was laughing at another post (perhaps forgot to go back to her original MSE forum name?)

PhoebeBuffay

Frogletina wrote: »

I am beginning to wonder this as she has not been back to update us and within half an hour she was laughing at another post (perhaps forgot to go back to her original MSE forum name?)

At the time Frogletina. It was better for me to laugh, than cry. The reason why there has been no update, is because, I have not allowed him to come home.

Yesterday was difficult for me, having had only a few hours sleep and being stressed about what had happened. However, I have read every reply, and I will answer the questions in due course.

For all of the genuine supportive comments and advice, thank you. People like Alice Walker get a kick out of instigating trouble on this forum. I am a genuine member of MSE - and I was here when she made that post.

When he returns home, I can get to the bottom of it with him. Then, I will be in a better position to discuss this issue further - once I know, why he acted the way he did.

Guest101

PhoebeBuffay wrote: »

At the time Frogletina. It was better for me to laugh, than cry. The reason why there has been no update, is because, I have not allowed him to come home. - You cant stop him, just FYI. Now you just appear in a dim light

Yesterday was difficult for me, having had only a few hours sleep and being stressed about what had happened. However, I have read every reply, and I will answer the questions in due course.

For all of the genuine supportive comments and advice, thank you. People like Alice Walker get a kick out of instigating trouble on this forum. I am a genuine member of MSE - and I was here when she made that post.

When he returns home, I can get to the bottom of it with him. Then, I will be in a better position to discuss this issue further - once I know, why he acted the way he did.

You are starting to come across as controlling, perhaps a different route is required