Just had a blazing row with my OH

LKRDN_Morgan

baby_lemonade wrote: »

Well quite.. I was about to say, among all the arguing that's breaking out: you do all realise this is a troll thread don't you?!

Na-ah! It's a 'genuine' member using an AI dontchya know
Fear of being judged by her forum BFFs

moneyistooshorttomention

I think this thread is diverging rather from what I see as the basic theme here. That being - is it remotely acceptable to "kick the cat". I must say that (though I understand where they are coming from) - there is absolutely no excuse EVER to "kick the cat" (ie take out problems in one's own life on someone else by worse behaviour than manners dictate).

Either one has manners or one doesn't and it's usually quite clear what is appropriate behaviour in any circumstance - and it is NOT an option to act worse than that towards someone because something in one's own life has been upsetting.

I'm with OP on this.

I would have been shocked at such an over-reaction to this young guy's conduct. The young guy was clearly in the wrong - but it is the case that sometimes young people havent been taught a full set of manners by their parents and others have to step in later in life and point out what is (or is not) acceptable - ie in this case playing music loudly near someone's home is clearly not acceptable.

The young guy concerned shouldnt have played his music too loudly in the first place. But, as he turned it down when requested, then hubbie clearly over-reacted by throwing that rock through the car window. I wouldnt have backed him myself - and would actually be sitting there horrified that I had married someone so different to myself and debating whether they would be likely to change their behaviour to being more normal or no.

I think I would give the benefit of doubt to hubbie in OP's position. I would explain what "normal behaviour" is like in circumstances like that to hubbie and generally talk about what "normal behaviour" is in various circumstances and play it by ear to see how things went from there on in. That being as to whether this is a one-off or hubbie was going to make a habit of behaving inappropriately in other circumstances.

This is where I do think it's very important to choose people with similar values to oneself for relationships - be they husband/wives or friends.

baby_lemonade

LKRDN_Morgan wrote: »

Na-ah! It's a 'genuine' member using an AI dontchya know
Fear of being judged by her forum BFFs

Somewhere on here there's a 'members online' list. The troll was evidently here and reading the thread under his/her usual ID, hence they suddenly came back to reply.

Pollycat

PhoebeBuffay wrote: »

At the time Frogletina. It was better for me to laugh, than cry. The reason why there has been no update, is because, I have not allowed him to come home.

Yesterday was difficult for me, having had only a few hours sleep and being stressed about what had happened. However, I have read every reply, and I will answer the questions in due course.

When he returns home, I can get to the bottom of it with him. Then, I will be in a better position to discuss this issue further - once I know, why he acted the way he did.

Have you been in touch with him at all?

If you have, what is his demeanour? Is he still angry? Or regretful?

missbiggles1

Guest101 wrote: »

It does, a caution is considered spent immediately.


https://www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q89.htm
A spent conviction is a conviction which, under the terms of Rehabilitation of Offenders Act 1974, can be effectively ignored after a specified amount of time. The amount of time for rehabilitation depends on the sentence imposed, not on the offence. The more serious the conviction, the longer the period of rehabilitation. For example, if you have received a prison sentence of more than four years, the conviction will never become spent, but cautions become spent immediately (apart from conditional cautions which will become spent after three months).

Apologies, I used the expression "spent" incorrectly. What I should have said is that a caution stays on your record permanently and has to be declared for certain types of work.

"Do not accept a police warning or caution before talking to an RCN legal adviser or duty solicitor. If you are receiving support from a Duty Solicitor, please also ask them about the possible implications for your registration. By accepting a caution you are accepting the facts behind the allegations, and these facts cannot be challenged at the NMC hearing or DBS/DS decision-making process. If you are in this position, please call us without delay – we are here to help you.

Following an investigation in which a suspect has admitted criminal conduct, the police may choose to offer a disposal known as a “police caution”. This is not to be confused with the caution read at the start of an interview.

A caution will be kept on police records permanently. A caution can be used in court when sentencing is considered. However, it will be considered separately from any convictions if the cautioned person is later convicted of an offence. A caution is administered by an officer of the rank of inspector or above and usually means attending a police station. You usually sign a form acknowledging that you agree to the caution and admitting the offence.

As a nurse or HCA, any caution or conviction is likely to appear on your Enhanced Criminal Record Check. If you wish to challenge the inclusion of a caution or conviction in your ECRC please contact us and see our advice on disclosure and barring services.

If you receive a ‘conditional’ caution, you will have to comply with certain rules and restrictions as part of your caution. If you do not comply with the conditions, you could be charged with the crime.

Refusing a police caution does not automatically mean that you will face a prosecution for the allegations you face, however, that is often the case.

https://www.rcn.org.uk/get-help/rcn-advice/police-cautions-convictions-and-criminal-procedures

tara747

prowla wrote: »

You should not have contradicted your husband, regardless of whether he was in the wrong.

Do you often take the opposing view to him (and let everybody know)?

(Incidentally, posting such a detailed story under a new account is not really going to hide much, is it?)

Er, what? :eek: :eek:


What a ridiculous thing to say.

Frogletina

PhoebeBuffay wrote: »

At the time Frogletina. It was better for me to laugh, than cry. The reason why there has been no update, is because, I have not allowed him to come home.

Yesterday was difficult for me, having had only a few hours sleep and being stressed about what had happened. However, I have read every reply, and I will answer the questions in due course.

For all of the genuine supportive comments and advice, thank you. People like Alice Walker get a kick out of instigating trouble on this forum. I am a genuine member of MSE - and I was here when she made that post.

When he returns home, I can get to the bottom of it with him. Then, I will be in a better position to discuss this issue further - once I know, why he acted the way he did.

I arrived home one evening to my partner who I found fast asleep in an armchair with the TV on, and an empty beer glass by his side.

When he woke up, he picked up the glass (which was a heavy one) and hurled it at the television while ranting about it being on. I told him that he himself had switched it on and then fallen asleep in front of it.

I'm not sure which came first, me standing at the top of the stairs saying 'I guess you needed to do that' or him walking the streets to cool off. Later he said that I had said the right thing. I'm not sure why I said it, I was angry that he'd broken the TV and he was not sorry about doing it but it defused what was a volatile situation.

He'd done it after an extremely bad day at work, a row with a supervisor that nearly led to him punching him and a fury within him that he seemed incapable of controlling.

A previous time he confronted someone who continually rode around the common across from our house on one of those annoying whiny motorbikes, and when he went out to confront the person he was attacked and ended up in A & E. Although he was furious that no one would say they witnessed this happening, the riding of the bike stopped. I guess he would say that it was worth it.

Your husband has had his caution from the police, he's had a row with you and hopefully the time away has given him time to reflect and cool down. When he returns home, my suggestion is to draw a line under the incident and not discuss it any further unless he feels the need to.

I know my suggestion of tea and sympathy did not get me many brownie points but it's likely to elicit more understanding than anything more confrontational.

frogletina

Guest101

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Apologies, I used the expression "spent" incorrectly. What I should have said is that a caution stays on your record permanently and has to be declared for certain types of work. - No Worries. A caution stays on your DBS check for 6 years. Everything stays on your record permanently, but the DBS stop disclosing after 6 years.

"Do not accept a police warning or caution before talking to an RCN legal adviser or duty solicitor. If you are receiving support from a Duty Solicitor, please also ask them about the possible implications for your registration. By accepting a caution you are accepting the facts behind the allegations, and these facts cannot be challenged at the NMC hearing or DBS/DS decision-making process. If you are in this position, please call us without delay – we are here to help you.

Following an investigation in which a suspect has admitted criminal conduct, the police may choose to offer a disposal known as a “police caution”. This is not to be confused with the caution read at the start of an interview.

A caution will be kept on police records permanently. A caution can be used in court when sentencing is considered. However, it will be considered separately from any convictions if the cautioned person is later convicted of an offence. A caution is administered by an officer of the rank of inspector or above and usually means attending a police station. You usually sign a form acknowledging that you agree to the caution and admitting the offence.

As a nurse or HCA, any caution or conviction is likely to appear on your Enhanced Criminal Record Check. If you wish to challenge the inclusion of a caution or conviction in your ECRC please contact us and see our advice on disclosure and barring services. - It does appear, but it doesn't preclude if you see what I mean.

If you receive a ‘conditional’ caution, you will have to comply with certain rules and restrictions as part of your caution. If you do not comply with the conditions, you could be charged with the crime. - Yep, for 3 months.

Refusing a police caution does not automatically mean that you will face a prosecution for the allegations you face, however, that is often the case. - Almost definitely as the suspect will have likely admitted the offence

https://www.rcn.org.uk/get-help/rcn-advice/police-cautions-convictions-and-criminal-procedures

Honestly I have a caution - it's not stopped me from working in healthcare

missbiggles1

Guest101 wrote: »

Honestly I have a caution - it's not stopped me from working in healthcare

It depends what work someone does and what the caution is for but lots of people think it's the same as a warning, which it isn't. It also means that you have admitted your guilt by accepting a caution rather than going to trial, which is also not commonly known.

It cerainly doesn't mean that it's the end of everything (neither is a conviction in many cases) but it's more important than many people think.

Guest101

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It depends what work someone does and what the caution is for but lots of people think it's the same as a warning, which it isn't. It also means that you have admitted your guilt by accepting a caution rather than going to trial, which is also not commonly known.

It cerainly doesn't mean that it's the end of everything (neither is a conviction in many cases) but it's more important than many people think.

Totally agree, people really don't understand the implications